The Monsters Inside and Out (Scott Howl x Depressed Reader)

38. Fatherly Advice

"What am I?" He looks at you, confused. You continue, "I mean.. I know I'm part human, part demon, but.. I don't understand anything about myself. I've never had someone to teach me about myself. And.. And now.. I've hurt people.. What if I hurt them again? What if they end up dying because of me?" Tears well up in your eyes as you continue to fear the worst. You put your hands on your ears, as if you can stop the bad thoughts from entering your mind. Suddenly, Stan embraces you in a warm hug. A hug of fatherly affection. You can feel the genuine care in this hug. You hear Lucien, "What's going on here?" He joins too. You hug them back. They soon separate, and Stan tells you, "We had a friend who was always afraid of hurting others. He was so kind and sweet, so every time he freaked out, we would just hug him and he would feel better. You remind me of him a lot." You smile. He continues, "So.. You said you want to know what you are? Well, I'd like to help. Would you mind talking about it?" You look from one to the other. The look on their faces tell you they understand. Taking a deep breath, you tell them.

"My entire life before this year, I went to a human school. I thought I was a regular human for a long time. Some of my earliest memories are from kindergarten. There was this one project where we had to draw a picture of our family, and I drew my mom and I. One of the kids asked me where my dad was, and that was the first time I realized I didn't know anything about him. I asked my mom about him, but she refused to talk about it. But then, when I was about 7, my father found me. I heard him and my mom arguing about whether he should be allowed to see me. She eventually gave in. She let me see him. It was not very often, but I was allowed to spend some weekends with him. I thought he was so cool at first. My dad, a monster? With cool powers? That was awesome. But he ended up not being.. The best. After a few visits, he started telling me that I needed to be a monster like him. And for a time, I was. I was letting him teach me things, but my mom didn't like that.. I was practicing using my powers at home one day, and my mom caught me. She yelled at me. She said that I should never do those things again. But when I went to my dad's, he told me not to listen to her. That's how it was for a long time. I wanted to make both of them happy, I wanted my dad to be proud, but I wanted my mom to not yell at me. It was hard. Everytime I told my dad that my mom didn't want me doing stuff like that, he would tell me she's just stupid and if I didn't continue, he'd be disappointed and I'd be a failure. And everytime I told my mom that I didn't want to be a failure, she would yell at me saying that if I continue, I would only hurt people. I just wanted to make them happy, but nothing was enough. When I came home one day with my demon eyes, she had a frenzy. She screamed her head off. She asked me if I hated her, if I hated my friends, if I hated my family. She said I must if I like disobeying her so much. It had gone on for 6 years, and I was sick of it. I was 13 when I hung myself. But I didn't die. I was waiting for something, for me to stop existing but.. Nothing. I was confused, so I tried again later. But still nothing. I tried so many times that I eventually tried other methods. Swallowing pills, drowning myself, I stopped eating for months, I stabbed myself, but nothing worked. I was trapped. So I took up cutting. I got a knife, and cut myself. Whenever I felt unhappy, or worthless, or unwanted, I went somewhere private and cut. I also told my mom that I never wanted to see my dad again. She happily agreed, and now I haven't spoken to him in 5 years. I was caught cutting by someone at school though. It didn't take long until everyone knew about it. I was taunted for my issues, which developed into more cutting. It kept happening day after day. People would move my sleeves, ask if I needed bandages, or a new knife. I went through that for so long. Then one day, the incident happened. It was the very beginning of the year. About the second week. I was in the lunch line, being taunted by this one guy. I was then ambushed by two more. I was so sick of being helpless, I just.. Heard a voice. I'd never heard that voice before, but it sounded familiar. I ended up killing the three guys. My best friend at the time tried to calm me down, but I killed them too. Then I moved. I came to Spooky High, made new friends, new enemies, new classes. But I've lost control a few times. I once got angry at a friend and caused some earthquake. I once flipped my boyfriend onto a table. I broke my house, a classroom. Despite the fact I have more friends, I'm still hurting people! I don't want to do this anymore!"

You start sobbing. Reliving everything hurts you. All you want is to make people happy, make them like you, but it still feels like they never will. They embrace you again. They hold you as if you're their own child. Once you calm down, you ask, "So what am I?" They separate from you, and Stan puts his hand on your shoulder. You make eye contact, and he tells you, "You are you. You are allowed to feel sad, or angry, or scared. You are not in control of your emotions, but you are in control of your powers. There is no single answer, everyone is different. You have to work at it. Work on your emotions, don't let them control you." "How do I do that?" He thinks to himself, and gets up off the couch. He comes back a minute later, and tosses you a stress ball. "Squeeze this. I know it's basic, but it works. If you focus all your energy onto this ball, your powers won't explode anywhere else. They'll be absorbed by this ball." "Can I try it out?" "No, it doesn't work like that. It only works when stress is being caused. You can't cause yourself the stress." "So.. My powers don't work unless it's in the moment?" "Well.. Not exactly. Uh, honey, why don't you explain it? I'm not good at explaining this.." Lucien takes over. "You see (Y/N), emotions are the most powerful when you are genuinely feeling them. Yes, you can feel genuine sorrow or frustration when you think about something that already happened, but it's much more powerful when you must digest new information. For example:" He holds his right arm out and snaps his fingers. He opens his palm, and there is a fire. He clenches his fist again, and the fire is gone. "In that moment, I channeled all my anger into my hand, and boom! A fireball. Then, once I had control, I could keep there, and extinguish it any time I need. Why don't you try?" You hold your arm out for a moment, close your eyes, and think about Leonard. You open your eyes and snap your fingers. The fire explodes wildly, reaching the ceiling. You start to scream. Lucien grabs your hand and the fire goes out. He says, "Okay, how about we try that again, but think about something that makes you less angry. The stronger the feeling, the stronger the flame. Hiw about something that annoys you?" You nod your head, and close your eyes again. You think about the time the Wolfpack mocked Scott for liking pokemans go. You snap your fingers, and you did it. A fireball, perfectly above your hand. Lucien says, "Now hurl it somewhere." You move your finger, and it hurls in that direction. Stan and Lucien applaud you. Lucien continues, "Now, it's not always that easy. You can't get distracted, or it could burst, as with the other powers." "Other powers?" "Yes. Different emotions cause different powers. Anger is fire, sadness is ice, happiness is earth." A question pops into your mind. "But, I was with my boyfriend once, and he wanted me to heat up these sandwiches with my powers, but I couldn't do it, but I had felt something, and suddenly I was able to do it. I wasn't angry at all. How come I could do it?" They both chuckle at you. Stan tells you, "He wanted you to. You must love him." You smile and think about him. Everything about him is perfect. From his smile, to his determination, to his huge.. Personality. Like that one day, flowers begin growing around you. Stan and Lucien gasp. "I've never seen flowers this beautiful before. You must be stronger than you think (Y/N)." The clock on the wall strikes 8. Stan says, "Well, we should probably get you home. Don't want you getting into trouble." Stan and Lucien drive you home, and you feel some sense of accomplishment. You've learned new things about yourself, and you've learned how to contain things. Once you're dropped off, you see your mom waiting outside on the porch for you. She smiles at you, and suddenly notices who's driving the car. Stan and Lucien stare at her, and she stares right back. You get out and go inside, afraid that there will be yelling. Not a second later, your mom comes back inside, and asks about your evening.