𝐙𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑|✔︎

ᴇʟᴇᴠᴇɴ: ᴛʜᴇʀᴀᴘʏ

♡︎ 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐈𝐀'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ♡︎

♕

/ edited /

"Do you need anything else?" Zander asked quietly while tucking me under his blanket, all cuddled up with me on the bed while I was browsing the channels on his TV, and I was very comfortable in his clothes.

I shook my head as a response, knowing that I don't need anything else, and he rested his back on a pillow to relax, watching my finger movements in the buttons.

After what happened this morning, I had no interest in doing anything, not even having the mood to go outside or enjoy the sun that I normally would prefer. I felt utterly numb and lazy. I couldn't breathe in that room after what my parents told everyone.

Looking at the faces of my brothers after everything that had happened, I felt horrible. While heading back to the castle, I did see them on their way to the pack house, all completely torn apart, almost on the verge of tears while speaking to each other, and it pained my heart to see them this upset.

This wouldn't have happened if I just...

Why didn't I just die when I was a baby?

It would've been better for everyone. For the people in Red Moon, for my parents, for my brother, for practically anyone maybe, I wouldn't be a burden anymore, heck, I wouldn't be called a burden anymore that would normally ruin the little self-worth I try to gain, because nonetheless, people would hate me on way or another. And the worst part is...Zander would've gotten a better mate.

The world would be a better place.

I felt terrible for existing.

Their words affected me on a spiritual level.

I was definitely not okay.

While Zander was so focused on the channels that I was subconsciously browsing through, I observed his face secretly and plastered a sad frown.

He was absolutely gorgeous in person, even better than how people would gossip about him throughout many packs, which means he probably deserved a girl prettier than me, who's actually not a disappointment and would be of use in some way at least.

I tried my best to not feel insecure about myself, even through Evie's advice throughout the years, I tried over and over again to eliminate my demons with the little optimism left in me, but reality would come knocking down like a rocket and destroy all the worked up confidence with a single comment; a single insult, and a single complaint towards my being.

What was even sadder is that I knew I couldn't burden him even more with my self-love issues, that would just totally become a burden to him. No one would want a mentally degraded person as their mate, but I was so broken beyond repair, and I gave up trying in healing.

Of course, he's one of the Gods, he deserves the best, even I would want the best for him. A girl who's trained like any other pack member, a girl who is confident and can take the role of the Luna properly, who isn't afraid of danger 24/7, and is good enough. But no, he instead got paired with me.

A disgrace.

A girl who doesn't know how to fight, a person who does not have the best shape, or mental state, or self-esteem, or literally in life. I didn't deserve this good treatment, I didn't deserve this comfortable bed, I didn't deserve a wonderful community around me, I didn't deserve the protection.