Broken

Chapter 48

The real Myra

I sighed as i exited the hospital. It feels nice seeing he's okay but I know his days are limited. I don't want to lose him, I already lost mom... i don't want to loose my dad. I know I'll be devastated and so vulnerable. That's when I get taken advantage of... especially from guys. I don't want to be that girl that falls quickly for a guy and feels the need to make him happy. I'm not happy with the way I am, because in elementary I was tramatize. Teased, made fun of, picked on because I was ugly. My mom and dad helped me see that those were just words to hurt me. They helped me believe I was beautiful. The role reversed when my mom was dying of cancer. I kept reminding her she was still gorgeous till the day she died. No one knows that my mother had died, or how much I was suffering. Kyle didn't even know, but he knew something was off about me since I was quiet after we would have sex. He obviously never really cared about me, and I should of let him go but I couldn't for some reason. I just really needed someone and he was there even if it was just for sex. Than Nathan came along and helped me better myself. His situation isn't similar to mine but we both feel the same. We share the same thoughts about what we're dealing with. It's a reason why we've gotten so close.

"Myra, wait up," I heard River say. That guy gives me a bad vibe. Ever since brandons party I've stayed away from him. I didn't have sex with him - I don't remember ever even going to a room with him. Everything blacked out from the moment i started drinking and talking with him and a few other friends.

"River stay away from me," I snarled walking faster while holding my trench coat.

"Don't tell me you still think i raped you- come on that's silly. I was going to tell you if you could ask kyle-"

"You know I'm not speaking to him so go ask him for more steroids, " I bit out walking away.

"Either way you know no one believes the accusations of a slut!" He yelled. I can't stand him I wonder how Riley puts up with him....

Riley! I haven't seen her in a while. Despite everything we've had against each other I worry for her. After brandons party I've been worried for her because I had a nasty bruise between my thighs and on my neck. I never say anything because river is telling the truth who will believe the words of a slut. Back then I knew that but I'm not scared anymore. The thing is I want to have evidence against him not just an accusation. The basturd has to pay. I remember crying my eyes out once I got home that day. The next day i acted normal but for two weeks I refused to have sex with kyle. He got frustrated and went on to lily. I still feel as if I don't own my own body. I feel used and half of that is my fault. I should of never let Paul kiss me when I was dating brandon. I should of put a stop to the rumors that were spreading about me. I should of never let Kyle touch me and sleep with him. I should of never gone to brandons party to try and get him back. I should of never made enemies with zoella. I should of never bullied most people I have. Too many I should of but no more of those.

-

I served myself some pasta and took out the garlic bread from the oven. Ever since my mother died I started taking over her duties. Before she use to clean, decorate the house, cook, and bake. Now I do that and I also take care of dad. I wish he wasn't in the hospital but I know it's necessary for his treatment. How i miss my family and the happiness that came with being with them both. Then around seventh grade she was diagnosed with cancer. She couldn't be there for me and I was okay with it as long as she got better. Then she got worst within a month and I started getting vulnerable. I was in those stages where I get desparate to find love else where. Brandon was a guy I liked ever since I was in third grade but he never noticed me. He was so... cold and harsh but yet he attracted every girl. I knew there was a reason to why he was like that but I was never able to reach to him emotional but physically I was successful.  I wasn't comfortable but I pretended I was. My desparation got the best of me and brought out this tough exterior of mine.

Ding-Dong

"Who is that? " I asked myself. Just then I walked toward my front door and opened it. I thought it could of been my neighbor since she's always asking me for sugar or all purpose flour but it wasn't her.

Before I could say anything I was pushed inside my own house.

"Listen here myra I'm not going to beg you to come back to me because I belong with me. We're soul mates," he chuckled eyeing me. He's high and horny... great just what I fucken needed right now!

"Kyle get out of my house-I doubt you even know what a soul mate is," I retorted. Knowing him he won't leave. Next thing you know he lunges at me and attacks me with his lips.

"God your so sexy," he purred as his hands grabbed my thighs. I tried so hard to push him off but my efforts weren't any use against him. He pulled my batman pajamas lower and he bit my lip.

"Get off," I shrieked feeling my eyes water up. Next thing you know he was pulled off of me. I was so glad someone came to my aid.

"She said to get off-now leave!" I heard greg yell. Oh shit I forgot he came to help tutor me. I pulled my pjs up and got off the floor. I kept sniffling and my wrist were hurting. He had me pinned down when he was attempting to kiss me. My head was pounding and I was trying to steady my breathing. I pulled up my taylor swift t-shirt since Kyle had pulled it down. I heard my door closing and I walked over to my couch and sat down. I heard greg blow out a breath in frustration.

"You okay?" He asked. I glanced up and notice he was looking at me worriedly. 

I let out a shakey breath and rubbed my hands together.

"Yeah I'll be okay he isn't the first guy to try and rape me," I bluntly stated.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that," he stated.

"Do you want to eat," I motioned the kitchen. I was trying to act as in nothing had happened. I can't let anyone see me cry.

I am not weak. I am not weak. I am not weak.

"We can't let these garlic breads go to waste," I joked making him chuckle.

"How do you do that?" He asked me weirdly.

"Do what?" I asked curiously.

"Pretend as if everything alright. Maintain your cool when you know the situation is fucked up?" He asked.

"Greg i-"

"It's okay to cry, it's okay to be human. You can't shut off your emotions. Stop pretending that everything is okay," I stated obviously. 

" I a-am n - not weak," I forcibly bit out but the tears were streaming down my face. Greg walked over to where I was and embraced me in a hug. I have never cried that hard in a while. He somehow managed to make me belief that it's okay to cry and show weakness. It's so hard to keep everything built up inside. I cried for my mom. I cried for my dad. I cried again about river raping me. I cried about Kyle trying to rape me. I cried for that girl inside of me that has a hole through her heart. The emptiness and the loneliness I feel.