Broken

Chapter 31

Mistakes

I've seen those movies when a person says something in a crowd and then it just goes completely silent. Or in that movie Never been kissed when she stand in the middle of a baseball field waiting for the guy to give her, her very first kiss. Either way it should of been nerve wrecking and now I know how it feels like to have everyone go silent. Except in this case it was only brandon and I. I couldn't bring myself to looking up so I continued playing with my thumbs. Stop being such a coward and say something simce clearly he won't. Okay look up in three... two.. one-Shit I just can't.  Man up Zoella!

Finally after five minutes of silence and me refusing to look up, I managed to look at him.

"Brandon say something," I urged wanting to hear his voice- no actually I needed to hear his voice. I've litraly been scared of his response and I guess I just need him to atleast say something to ease my nerves. I opened my mouth to say something again, but quickly shut it as he got up.

 

"Brandon where are you-"

"I'm going out," he bluntly stated. He sure seems to be in the shocked stage since his face was blank.

"With your car keys?" I questioned looking at him skeptical. What if he wants no part or nothing to do with out baby.

"Don't do that," he sternly stated.

"I was just asking Brandon-"

"You probably think I'm a go out and drink to help me coop with my feelings."

Woah where did this idea come from.

"Brandon chill. I never said anything and please calm down. Please say anything-Do you know how shitty I've been feeling and all I need to know is how you feel. Please answer me this. Are you with me on this or am I going to go through this alone," I managed to croak out. I wasn't crying, but I was on the verge of it. I was staying strong because I'm tried of crying.

"I just can't right now," and with that he was gone.

I guess alone

I let out a sigh and started cleaning up. I washed all the dishes and went upstairs to grab my bag. Packing a few clothes I realized maybe he needs some space right now. For some reason it feels like another fight, but it's not. What's the point in staying here since he probably is going to ignore me. It pisses me off that he doesn't see how much I'm giving up like dance, waterpolo, and probably ever attending a party. Not that partying matters to me, but it is nice getting out sometimes. Well it's good that it's spring break here. Funny how I forgot about it. Most of the girls in my dance team were trying to convince me to go with them on the trip that our dance team goes to. I walked to Ms. Marks house since I really needed her. She'll be able to help me out or atleast give me more advice. I don't know why, but I feeling a bunch of things. One of the strongest feelings I'm feeling is Betrayed. I know I shouldn't,  but a part of me inside hoped he would jump up in joy and present a hundred balloons.

I know stupid, right?

It felt nice once the cool breeze hit my face. Surprisingly it relaxes me and feel less tense. This is what I need some alone time to me.

That's how it's probably going to be.

Ugh, me and my thoughts I swear I should of listened to music or something to make these thoughts go away.

"Your dad left you, I was far gone once I laid eyes on you, and pretty soon so is that boyfriend of yours," my mums words rung through my head.

Stop!  Stop! Stop! Stop!  I can't let her words get to me.

"Zoella? What are you doing here?" Matthew questioned. Shit! Just what I fucken needed.