Broken

Chapter 32

Daddy say what?

Frozen and shocked is what I'm feeling. I can't move or shake it enough that this isn't just a dream. Did I really have to take him eleven years?!?! I can't. I just can't handle all this in one day, but I have to. I don't know why, but I need to hear what he has to say.

"Let's sit," Ms marks offered. I sat away from them since I felt a tad upset at Ms. Marks and I know she has no fault in anything, but my emotions are everywhere.

"Zoella... I just want uh...  to apologize for not helping you out when your mother would hit you. Even though you aren't mine I  shouldn't of let the abuse continue."

That's all he said and his tone was dull. As if he really could careless. His apology really wasn't an apology since his tone was bored and his face seemed bored.

"Are you bullshitting me again? You might as well not say anything," I blurted out letting out my anger. 

"Zoella you better watch that tone. For fuck sakes I apologized-"

"No you didn't.  You could careless if I died!" I bitterly responded.

"Your not my problem, but I'm trying to be mature about it. Your not making it easy."

"Maybe I don't want to hear it because I love you whether your not my real dad... All those days, I dreamt that you would protect me..." I trailed off giving him my best glare. Of course he didn't say or do anything. He just shrugged it off.

"Are you drunk?" I blurted out.  The nerve of this guy.

"I'm sober," he exclaimed getting defensive.  Oh yeah he's drunk. 

"Sure you are," I spat getting up and walking out the door. I am not staying anywhere he is. I love him, but this feeling of emptiness is now full of anger and I can't believe I cared so much for him. He will never care about me. So why should I still care for him. Stupid!  Stupid! Stupid Zoella!

You know what I'm tired of getting attached to people and tired of getting hurt from them. From now on I'm staying independent, but I'll only trust Nathan. Brandon left, my dad is far from gone, my mother will never hurt me again, I can't trust Ms. Marks. But I do wish her the best with Roger. The only people I have right now is basically nobody except my baby. Without knowing where to go, I just walked. What's the point of caring when it's obviously they don't care. Why do we even feel emotions? Yes, it may just be me in my depressive mood. I've been feeling so shitty my whole life, but not once have I ever complied to someone. I kept everything inside, but of course cried out in pain when I got my ass beat. I always thought maybe someday it would be different and I wouldn't have to live the same thing over and over. It gets old and yet here I find myself upset. I feel so numb inside and what's crazy is I wish everything was just a dream. Nothing good ever last in my life. The only good thing that ever came to be was Brandon and... here I find myself abandoned by him. He's a guy and no different from the Brandon I first met. I was probably just a hit it and quit it. I want to believe it was true, but Myra's words keep ringing in my head.

All he wants is really just your Virginity.

Well... He got it and I have nothing except my baby. No matter what I'll be a great Mother. I'll protect my baby and be a Better parent then my parents.

"Zoella? Hey Zoella," I cursed myself mentally seeing how ironic that I came to a super market. These cravings were probably guiding my way.

"Hey Nathan, " I bluntly stated with the best smile I could muster up. Clearly I didn't try hard enough since he eyed me weirdly. Come to think about it people are eyeing me weirdly, but I'm in a such a crappy mood that I honestly could give a flying flapjack to what they think about me. Hopefully some muffins will help settle my cravings or atleast control them for a bit.