Closer

60.

Life stabilized after that, much to both their surprise. If anything, Eddy seemed a bit hesitant, but gave in to every embrace and every hug.

"Do you feel like I'm forcing you to get closer to me?" Brett asked one night they lied in bed, the back of their hands touching under the duvet. Eddy shook his head.

"No, not really," Eddy answered quietly, turning his head to look at Brett. "Do I make it seem like it?"

"A bit," Brett admitted with a sigh. "But it's probably just me reading too much into everything. I just don't want to fuck it up, you know."

Eddy nodded quietly, turning his head away again.
"I'm sorry."

This time it was Brett who turned his head, looking at the blurry shape of Eddy in the dark next to him.
"Why are you sorry?"

"For not just trusting you when I know logically you wouldn't lie to me. I keep pushing you away and then I'm sad about not being closer. It doesn't even make sense."

Brett slowly took Eddy's hand under the duvet, letting his thumb run over the back of his hand. He felt the slight twitch of Eddy's hand as if he wanted to pull away, but chose to ignore it. Eddy relaxed after a few moments.

"Thank you for trying to trust me, though. I know I don't deserve it after how I've been treating you," Brett mumbled, squeezing Eddy's hand lightly. "And thank you for not pushing me away completely despite... Despite everything."

"I promised I'd help you," Eddy mumbled, sounding more drowsy now. "And I love you, so I would do it anyway."

"I love you too," Brett said, a tiny smile forming on his lips. Eddy nodded vaguely to confirm he had heard him, but didn't say anything.

They laid in silence for a long time, and Brett thought Eddy had fallen asleep. He jumped when Eddy spoke, revealing that wasn't the case.

"Are you moving back to your place when Leonora moves out?" Eddy asked quietly. Brett took some time to answer, not really knowing what to say.

"Do you want me to?" he decided on eventually, looking at Eddy while he considered the answer. He saw Eddy's tongue run slowly over his lower lip like it often did when he was nervous.

"Not really, no," Eddy mumbled, followed by a sigh. "You're what's keeping me afloat right now. I don't want to have time to doubt you."

"I thought I was what's pulling you down, honestly."

Eddy went quiet for a long time before saying anything, and the ball of guilt in Brett's stomach grew denser with each passing second.

"It's complicated," Eddy finally admitted, and this time it was Brett's turn to nod quietly.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's mostly my own fault. I'm too dependent on you."

"I don't mind you being dependent on me."

"I do, I feel like a puppy sometimes. Just do some tricks to get closer to you. It's pathetic, honestly."

Brett heard the change in Eddy's tone and the little crack at the word "pathetic." It only made his ball of guilt grow.

"I don't think you're pathetic, but you don't have to do any 'tricks' to be close to me anymore. Just ask."

Again, silence fell and Brett had to turn to see if Eddy finally had fallen asleep. He needed all the sleep he could get. He hadn't, though.

"Will you hold me tonight, please?" Eddy asked, immediately breaking into tears and heartbreaking sobs. Brett let his hand go and instead pulled Eddy closer until Eddy's face was squished into the t-shirt covering Brett's chest.

"Of course," Brett mumbled into Eddy's hair, rubbing the shaking, crying boy's back. "I love you, Eddy."