Closer

5.

He could no longer stop the tears as warm water caressed his sore body and made the tiny half moon shaped marks on his hips sting. It felt like he couldn't breathe, like the droplets of water dripping from his hair and down his face would cause him to suffocate. He knew this was just because he always became weak after the orgasm, always got too emotional, too needy, for what he would consider normal. Brett never seemed emotional after.

It took a while to pull himself together enough to actually clean up. He borrowed some shampoo he found in there, assuming it would be fine. It was fine the few times before, but at this rate he should probably have his own shampoo and soap at Brett's house. It was always Eddy who needed the shower the most afterwards, anyway.

Getting out of the shower was always the hard part. He had to keep his emotions in check while Brett was around and not let him on to how badly he wanted something like a kiss on the cheek or a hug. Brett had never really been much of a hugging person, Eddy figured. He had only gotten a hug from him a few times in his life like after reaching the fundraiser goal, when they reached some subscriber milestones and that one time when Eddy broke down from stress in an airport while on tour. He treasured the hugs, though. The feeling of protection he never really got from anyone else. In a way, it was the first thing that made him fall in love with Brett.

Eddy got his clothes back on slowly, pulling his trousers carefully over his sore hips, before heading back out to find Brett again. He assumed he would be sent home as usual, neither of them really knowing what to do or say after sex. It was to avoid the awkward tension. Eddy understood that.

He found Brett in the kitchen, stirring some pot looking like it contained some kind of soup. In his mind, Eddy walked over to him and hugged the smaller man from behind. Maybe he even placed a kiss on his cheek before asking what he was cooking. In his mind, Brett would get a beautiful shade of red over his cheeks and lean back against Eddy.

Of course, that's not what actually happened. Instead, Brett heard him enter and turned to look at him.
"You want some soup? I think I made way too much," he asked, running a hand through his hair. Eddy couldn't help but stare at how the thin fabric of Brett's t-shirt clinged to his torso and how the sweatpants pooled around his feet, obviously too long for him. For reasons Eddy never understood, Brett seemed to always buy sweatpants that were way too big for him.

"Uh, yeah that would be nice, actually. Thanks," Eddy said, going in Brett's cupboard to find soup bowls for the two of them. He could feel Brett's stare on him, but he tried to ignore the nervousness it caused. Honestly, he was always a bit nervous around Brett.

"Dude, are you okay?" Brett asked, softer than before. It made Eddy's emotions flare up again just hearing him speak so softly. "I didn't... I didn't go too hard on you today?"

Eddy froze for a moment, not knowing what to say. They never talked about how it had been after, only before the next time. It wasn't really a conscious choice from either of them, but  What could he even say if he wanted to keep the little closeness to Brett he had?

"No, no... It was good, of course," Eddy mumbled, not really lying, before setting the bowls on the table. The sex had been good, it was just him being weird about the after. He knew the boundaries, and he knew he was wishing for things he couldn't have.

"You look like you've been crying," Brett commented as he turned off the stove. He grabbed a coaster to put the pot on and chucked it to the table before setting the pot on it. "And I don't like to see my best friend sad."

Eddy shrugged and sat down by the table. 
"It's nothing, don't worry about it," he said before filling his bowl with soup. He unconcsciously hid his face behind his still moist bangs as Brett sat down across from him. Had he met Brett's intense eyes in this moment he would have started bawling like a kid again, and they definitely did not need that right now.

"Did I hurt you today? You'll have to tell me if I did, Eddy, I don't want to hurt you," Brett sighed as he poured himself some soup. Eddy dared to peek up at the smaller, still dishevelled man in front of him. It was so strange seeing him worry about him like that, knowing he would likely be disgusted if he knew how Eddy really felt about him. Especially after what they had done together while Eddy was keeping it secret.

"You didn't hurt me, Brett. I'm fine, I swear. It's silly, I just get so emotional after... after I cum. It's weird, I know, I just do," Eddy admitted, staring down at his soup. It wasn't really a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. "And I try to keep it in, but sometimes I can't. It's really nothing, don't worry about it."

Brett furrowed his brows.
"Alright, but you gotta promise to tell me if there's ever not just that. If I take things too far or if you want to... to stop..."

Eddy shook his head hard at the suggestion of stopping, and his cheeks got a hint of pink.
"No, no. I promise I'll tell you if something's actually wrong, okay? I like what we do now, it was good."

"Alright," Brett said before they continued their meal in silence, going back to their usual routine after with neither really knowing what to say.