Madam President (EDITING)

Chapter 47: I'm Tired of Pretending

Avery's POV

"Mmm", I let out as Rachel and I kiss. I move to unzip her pants but she places her hand over mine. "I'm on my period."

We're synched so I know she's lying. 

I get up from the bed and turn back towards her, "You've been so distant lately, and when we finally get some alone time you look like you don't want to be here."

"Av where is this coming from? I want to be here. If i didn't I wouldn't have come."

"Babe I practically had to beg you", I say walking closer to her. 

"If you haven't noticed a lot has been going on in my life lately."

"Rach I know, but I have stuff going on too. I still make sure you're a priority."

She bites her tongue, "That's not fair. You're a priority to me too."

I look down, "I don't feel like I'm your priority anymore."

She reaches for my hand, "After we had the conversation of giving each other space I thought we were on the same page here. What do you want me to do to prove that you're a priority? We spend 80 percent of the time together."

I can't believe she thinks spending time together proves she cares about me. Usually I wouldn't say anything, but for months I've seen her become more distance with me. She uses her parents as an excuse for her absent mind.

"I don't want you to prove anything Rachel. I just want us to go back to how we were a few months ago."

**********

Rachel's POV

Have you ever been so wildly attracted to someone that you can actually feel it driving you insane? That's been my current state of mind ever since the night of the gala, when Jenn showed me that whatever this is between us isn't just one sided. Deep down I knew it wasn't, but she's  back to doing that whole thing where she avoids me again. Granted she's been busy out of the office for the week, but when we do meet eyes she looks extremely guilty.

And if it's one thing I know, it's guilt. I care about Avery so much, and I can't stand the fact that I'm hurting her. But I can't ignore the feelings I have for Jennifer anymore.

I walk to the bathroom and when I open the door I see the person that makes my heart jump out of chest every time. 

"Fancy meeting you here."

Jenn dries her hands and looks over at me, "We need to talk. Meet me in the sub basement in 10. Make sure no one sees you."

"Ok." 

10 minutes later I walk down the stairs to the smell of cigarette smoke. I know she's stressed, that's usually the only time I find her down here.

"How is your day going?"

"Eventful", she responds. "Yours?"

I run my fingers through my hair, "Avery and I had an argument."

"Sorry to hear that", she says putting the cigarette back to her lips. 

"It was about you."

She furrows her eyebrow, "Me?"

"She doesn't know it's about you, but she said that I've been distracted", I explain. 

"Have you?", she says crossing her legs. Making me lose my train of thought. 

"Yeah a little bit. I can't stop thinking about the night of the gala", I admit. 

She puts out her cigarette, "Well that's why I wanted to talk. Rachel we can't let that happen again."

I roll my eyes, "I don't get this whole hot and cold thing you're doing. One moment it's stay away and the other it's you giving me that look you're giving me now. Like you want to do this, but you're afraid."

"I've been clear in reiterating that we need to keep our distance."

"But why? We're both two consenting adults that obviously feel something for each other. Isn't that enough?"

She stands up, "Rachel, I won't let a school girl crush derail everything I've worked for."

I walk closer to her, looking in her eyes. "Is that what you think this is? Jenn I like you. In ways that confuse me. I spent a long time despising you, but slowly by slowly I became a believer. In you, in what you're doing here. And then getting to know you on a personal level opened my eyes up to more, to the point I want to keep learning more about you. I want to know what you like, what you hate, what scares you. So is this just a crush? No."

She puts her hand up caressing my cheek, "Rachel this is what scares me. You're smart enough to know that this is unrealistic. I'm a Senator, but more than that I'm your boss, you're my employee. I'm married, you have a girlfriend. We can't."

"This is not the first time an employee and boss have had feelings for each other, and it surely won't be the last. Secondly, I have a girlfriend that I care deeply about, but it's not there anymore. Lastly, I hardly call what you have with your husband a marriage."

She steps back, "Rachel stop. You don't get to talk about my marriage. Especially when you have no clue what you're talking about."

"So he shows up to one event and all of a sudden he's husband of the year? I only know what you tell me, and from what i know he doesn't treat you the way you deserve."

"And tell me Rachel what do I deserve?"

"Where would you like me to begin?", I say looking into her eyes. 

She looks down and I step closer to her. We linger in front of each other like we want to explore each others lips again. 

"How don't I know this is just all an act? You could secretly still hold some kind of resentment  for me."

"I wouldn't be trying this hard if it was an act. Do you not trust me?", I question. 

She looks down, "I want to, but I don't know if I can."

"Jenn I signed an NDA which I don't even know what it entails. For all I know it can be a clause in there that says you could harvest my organs."

She smiles.

"This is just as scary for me as it is for you, but I'd be doing myself a disservice if I didn't tell you how I feel. I'm tired of pretending."

She comes up close to me,"This isn't right."

I reach for her hand, "This feels right to me. Your lips feel extremely right to me."

I inch close wanting our lips to meet again, but I get a text from Avery. It's almost like she knows whenever I'm with Jenn. 

I pull out my phone from my back pocket, "Mia is looking for me. I have to get back. I know you've been busy, but it you have time maybe you can come by and we can talk about this some more."

She nods her head. 

I've always been the one chased, and never the chaser.I'm putting in a lot of effort, but for her I'm willing to.

So how are we feeling about this?

p.s. This is my favorite Billie Eilish song.