My chubby girl [BTS]

thirty

Beauty.

That single word alone sent shivers down jimins spine. That adjective word that Jimin will always find demeaning, degrading, ambiguous.

Why would a significant word like Beauty cause such a uproar in jimin? Why would he feel that such a word could be threatening? Triggering? Hitting a nerve worse than any physical pain jimin has ever felt in his tedious life.

To answer that simple yet formidable question, jimin hates that word. Compliments were utter bullshit to him and he refused to ever believe anyone's actual intentions to their words.

No word could ever make him think different of himself.

He hates himself.

He could easily say people around him influenced, triggered, fucked him up so bad that he couldn't look at himself without pulling a disgusted look to his face.

But he wont admit to it, to anyone in fact. He knows himself well enough and to say the least he's sick of himself.

Who could blame those indecent monsters, not people, monsters. They eat on every cell of ones body, spitting out remains. How could jimin feel comfortable in his own skin when no one could understand his suffering, unless they were to be inside his body and understand his mind then will people know?

Oh, how terrified would one be to enter jimins mind when he can't even take it on his own.

Fight his own demons.

His mentality consumed with negativity, if pessimism was a person it would be jimin.

It's not like jimin has always been this type of ghastly person. He was once happy, really happy that jimin forgot what happiness felt like.

Depression is a bitch.

Jimin could remember each memory vividly, sometimes he wish he could forget his tormenting memories, but he can't. There are so much good memories that he holds deeply into his cold, void heart that he just simply cannot forget.

Jimins mind was like steel.

He could remember the kid he once was; weak, pathetic, such a crybaby.

The old jimin would not believe the type of person he turned into. The young and lively jimin wouldn't let his bullies get the best of him.

But it was too late.

Jimin was too deep in his self loathing that no one could save him.

Could he even save himself?

The day jimin lost himself was the day he refused to be anyone's punching bag. Even if he lost that bit of weight, jimin was still not comfortable in his appearance.

So, when no one bothered him over his attractive appearance he would sit in the schools toilets and dispose his food. Throwing up all that he consumed into the toilet.

He was successful, and didn't take notice that while he was doing that someone else had already figured out what he had been doing each lunch time.

Jimin remembered how namjoon slammed the door to his stall open, yanking him and pinning him against the wall.

The horrendous look namjoon gave him, imprinted into his mind, was the most terrifying facial expression.

Namjoon stared at him with such a broken gaze that it actually made jimin feel guilty. Guilty for making his friend worry and that his friend had to witness this weak side to him that he always made sure to keep well hidden.