Good Morning! I am in Croatia right now that's why I'm not uploading every day. The next chapter will come in Wednesday <3
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Magnus POV
Today was Saturday evening. I have not talked to Alec since our argument at the lake. I just saw him in the hall now and then. We just looked at each other, but I always looked away. I just could not meet his eyes. Every time I felt that pain in me. This pain of loss. As if I had just lost him, even though it's been a year. I wanted that to stop.
I sat on my desk and studied a little. We did not have a test in the near future, but it distracted me. Distraction was everything I needed, but no matter where I went, he was there. It's still missing, that he is suddenly under my bed. I would not even be surprised.
After Alec left, I was not there much longer either. I was not in the mood for it. I only helped the two of them, so Ragnor would not tell him any insane stuff. I know him and he always did. I did not know if he told him something or not.
I looked up as the doorbell rang. Sighing, I put my books away and made my way downstairs. I opened the door and there stood Noah. I breathed in relief. At least it was not Alec.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked in confusion. He smiled gently.
"I wanted to talk to you, can I come in?" he asked. I nodded in confusion and stepped aside so he could enter. He came in and went to the living room. I followed him.
"Are you okay?" I asked. He seemed somehow tense. He took a deep breath.
"Yes, I just wanted to talk to you." he admitted. Normally he would call before he comes over.
"And about what?" I asked. He played with his shirt the whole time, which showed me that he was nervous.
"About us." he admitted. I just looked at him confused. He sighed. "What is there between you and Alec?" he brought out. I looked at him in suprise.
"Nothing, what do you mean?" I asked. Me and Alec stopped talking since the lake.
"I notice how you look at him, there's that sparkle in your eyes, the sparkle you've never had with me." he explained to me. I looked down and took a deep breath.
"It's not easy since Alec's back." I admitted. Noah nodded and also looked down.
"Are you still in love with him?" he asked softly. Slowly we both looked up again. Our eyes met. He had tears in his eyes. Ouch.
"I dont know." I admitted. Noah nodded. I really did not know it. I feel such anger when I see him, but I also miss him so much. These feelings overwhelmed me. I did not want to lie to Noah and myself no more.
"Thank you for being honest, that's one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I've always admired that, I actually admired everything about you." he explained. I looked at him sadly. He told me for the first time that he is really in love with me. I knew it somehow, but he never said it.
"Do you want to end this here now?" I asked. He sighed again and a tear ran down his cheeks. I did not want that. I did not want to hurt him.
"No, Magnus, I'm not the one who will end this, I'd love to keep you with me forever, but just because I like you so much, I do not want you to miss your luck because of me. If you love Alec, tell me and end all this. " he explained. I sighed too. Why must everything be so difficult? Can't my life just go normal?
He shook his head. I came closer and took his hands. I stroked his thumb over his back of the hand.
"Noah, I like you, I really do, but I can not answer that for you now." I admitted. He nodded understandingly. I put my hand on his cheek and wiped away his tear. He did not deserve that.
"Think about it, you know that you always have a chance with me in my world." he said with a small smile. I smiled back. "I'll go home now." he said and I nodded. He let go of my hands and went to the door. I said goodbye to him and closed the door.
Noah deserves better. I do not know what I feel for him and I do not know how to find out. I somehow had to clear my mind. I need a clear view of it all. It's like my life is a battle and I'm stuck in the middle.
Why can relationships not be easy? Why is there always a problem? I never learned how to handle it when things go wrong. My mother took her own life and my dad ran away from his problem anyway. How can I know something I've never seen?
I went back into the living room and dropped onto the sofa. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my gallery. I took some pictures with Noah. Maybe they helped me. So I scrolled through but my heart contracted as a picture of me and Alec came. He shot it while I slept on his chest.
He smiled into the camera. He seemed so happy. He generally laughed a lot. But since he's back, I've not seen him laughing. What if he falls back into this hole? What if he takes drugs again? Would it be my fault?
Even though I'm incredibly angry, I do not want him to do that toxic stuff again. I do not want to see him unhappy forever. The problem is, I do not want to see Noah unhappy either. It was a vicious circle.
I sighed and put my phone away. So I definitely did not get any further. There were so many thoughts buzzing in my head that I could not sort out. I could not even explain it. Seeing Noah cry was painful and that it was my fault makes it even more painful.
I looked at the clock. It was now 10:34 pm. It was already dark outside, but I did not want to sit around anymore. I took my jacket and my shoes and put them on. I remembered Alec forbid me from going to town alone at night over a year ago. However, we are not together anymore, so it probably does not matter anymore. I opened the door and left. I just want to go for a walk, out of the house.
YOU ARE READING
You don't know me
Fanfiction[COMPLETED] "Everyone knows you, Alec. Your reputation tells us all-" Alec interrupted me by pushing me. His eyes were wet and red due to the drugs he took in - and for a second it looked like he was about to cry. He held me by my neck and came clos...
