Mixed Signals.

128.

I hadn't worked since 12 weeks and now I was 28. Spending everyday sitting around the house I was tired and I was bored. Jay coming in and out of work everyday upset me because he'd come and want to talk about everything that had happened but I didn't want to speak about it because I didn't really know what was going on.

I just finished loading up the dishwasher when Flo come into the kitchen, she wrapped her arms around me and gave me a tight hug, Harvey followed not long after and I stood there hugging them both.

"What's wrong?" I smiled kissing them both on the head.

"Can we go out today..? When Daddy gets home?" Flo smiled.

"Sure thing. Where do you want to go? Anywhere in particular?"

"Well our local funfair is on.. could we go?"

"If you want too. Daddy will have to come on the rides with you though because I definitely can't." I smiled.

"We know Mummy.." Harvey laughed, I made them both a drink and took some biscuits and we all sat on the sofa together watching crappy films. It was cute, they were sat on either side of me and they were watching this film as they cuddled into me, it was really lovely. I didn't really know what time Jay was finishing but I guessed it would be around like 3 - which gave us a couple of hours at the fair before we went and got food and then we could come home.

**

'9:45pm'

Both Florence and Harvey were fast asleep on either side of me, I cuddled them both the best I could. It broke my heart because Jay had promised me earlier that we could go out with them and they were looking forward to it so much.

I ran my hand over Florence's cheek as she slept, she was beautiful. She deserved absolutely everything I could ever give to her. As did Harvey, both my children were absolutely beautiful, they deserved everything and I wanted to be able to give them everything. I saw car lights pull into the driveway and when they turned off he didn't come into the house. I stood up and covered the kids with the blanket.

I picked up my front door keys and hopped into the passenger side of Jay's car, I just looked over at him and the disappointment in my face said it all. He put his phone down and turned to me.

"I'm really sorry. Work got the best of me, I didn't realise the time, we can go out tomorrow because I'm off work." He smiled.

"No we can't go out tomorrow because I've got a scan and the kids go to Nan's for the rest of the week. So well done Jay. You've screwed up again, you can explain to the kids why we can never do anything as a family. I'm going out." I sighed. I got out of his car and heard him calling after me as I got into my car, I watched him let himself into the house and close the front door as I drove away from the house.

I wasn't leaving, I just wanted some space. I was upset that since becoming pregnant this time and being discharged from work we hadn't been a family, it had been me, Florence and Harvey and then Jay. Jay had become a completely separate person and it was awful.

***

The following morning.

Harvey and Florence were waiting in the car, Florence sitting in the front like normal. I smiled as I hopped in, making sure everyone was comfy we then set off on our journey. We were going to a fun day at a zoo. I was looking forward to spending time with the kids.

We had music on and we were singing away together, driving along the highway, the roads were so empty, hardly anyone. The occasional other car, that's how early it was. I gave Florence a quick smile..