Mixed Signals.

83.

"You need to stop coming around here." I sighed as we stood behind the building. Justin had his hood covering his face as he looked at me.

"Why? You're my sister." He smiled.

"You've really fucked this up Justin. I'm sorry but you need to go to Hank if you need something now because right now I've got my children and my husband coming back in a few days and I'm trying to sort stuff out. Like work. Another thing is I've got a job Justin." I sighed.

"Fine. Forget it then Erin but if I end up dead for real this time it's on you."

"Blame me all you want. I don't care at this point. Just leave me alone." I shrugged. He just stared at me before looking down and walking off. He just walked off into the distance, I leant back against the wall and just closed my eyes. There was a breeze coming towards me as well as the hot sun pounding down on me. I had a long sleeved black jacket and my hair just scraped back. I had been feeling quite low since Justin come back. I let him stay in Florence's room for 2 days then I decided there was nothing else I felt I could do so I told him to sort himself out and find somewhere else to go. He did listen to me, he disrespected me but at least he listened.

I got myself composed and back into work. I sat in my office and Upton knocked on the door and come in with a smile and a cup of coffee.

"Oh you are the best." I laughed taking the coffee.

"Oh I know sweetheart." She laughed sitting on the sofa opposite me.

"How are you holding up then?"

"Yeah alright I think. You know work is tough." She smiled.

"Yeah I know. It's tough, it's hard and it's tiring." I nodded taking a sip of coffee.

"What about you? How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay. I'm just tired mainly. But no I've got a lot to. Especially considering I'm sitting in for Hank. I like being in this office but I don't like the work that comes with it."

"Yeah understandable. Where's Hank?" She laughed so unaware of everything.

"Family problems. We've got a lot going on at the moment so everyone's just getting stressed." I sighed putting my head in my hands to hide the fact I'm beginning to cry.

"Woah Erin. Talk to me sweetheart?" She smiled jumping up and hugging me.

"I can't pretend anymore. Justin's alive, Hank's lying to me. I'm scared that I'm failing Jay and the kids. I'm tired of being lied to and lying to protect myself. I'm sick of pretending I've got a perfect family and life when really we're barely holding it together. We are hardly being a family anymore. How can a family work when the parents just argue all the time, the kids are confused and trying to have decent lives. I mean Jay is fighting his own demons and he won't talk to me and so am I. I'm trying to do my own stuff. I haven't told him that I might not even be here next year. I think I need a fresh start completely. I wanted a perfect family Hayley and I can't even have that." I sighed through outbursts of tears and heart ache.

"Oh Erin. No-one expects you to be perfect. No one says you need a perfect family. We know no body can be perfect. You don't need to worry. Instead you need to compose yourself and you need to care for yourself and your family. Jay's a big boy he can sort himself out. You need to tell him this is how you feel. You also need to speak with him about pretty much everything you are feeling." She smiled.

"It's harder than that because I don't know how to do anything and I can't risk wasting time. If I don't do it now I don't know when I'm going to be able to do it. I might not be alive for much longer Upton. I don't know how much time I've got. I am sick I know I'm sick. The hospital keep trying to be careful how they word things but I know I've got what Hank had. I know I'm going through the same thing. I love working with you lot. When I got to join 21st District I thought my life was sorted but this job it's painful and it causes a lot of hurt and I don't think I can do that anymore. If I'm as ill as I think I am there is no way I can do this." I sighed.