Mixed Signals.

52.

I missed him as much as everybody else but I was dealing with it. Someone had to be dealing with it better than the rest. If I had struggled as bad as everyone else we would of been pretty screwed. I dealt with Erin and I looked after Florence but it still didn't feel right to focus on my family when someone so close to us had just died. I was worried about Erin because it had only been 12 hours and she wasn't letting the grief get her. She was more focused on work and making sure she was catching the man who killed Kelly.

*

I grabbed Florence who was screaming. I just put her in the buggy and focused on getting myself ready. I was really angry and I could feel my heart beating so hard it was making me feel sick. Florence was proper screaming at me and it was a bit scary.

"Your 2 years old stop bloody screaming." I shouted back at her. She just cried even louder and Jay came running up.

"What on earth is going on?" He shouted at us both. He picked up Florence and held her gently. She calmed down instantly.

"So she's fine with you. She hates me!"

"Don't lie to yourself Erin. Your her mum she loves you but sometimes she needs someone different." He smiled.

"Whatever. I'm going." I sighed. I grabbed my bag and put it over my shoulder. He put Florence back in the buggy and I pushed it out and we went out the house and began our walk to work. She was asleep now thank god but if she started crying again I was screwed. We made it to work and I went straight in and sat down at my desk. Hank came over and that's when I noticed, there was bunches of flowers on my desk and on the window sill around me. I felt myself tearing up.

"Erin I don't think your ready for work yet." Hank smiled holding my hand.

"How dare you? I'm ready for work thank you. I'm very ready and I'm sorted and I'm going to find whoever killed Kelly. I'm personally going to arrest them." I sighed. I pushed him away and went into the staff room and made myself a cup of coffee. Straight away when I was back out there I began the case work for Kelly's death. I was dealing with it by myself while everyone else did a separate drug bust. I think I'd been working on everything for about 2 hours when Jay come into work, ignoring me completely. Taking Florence to his desk and talking to Adam.

*

"Are you not worried?"

"Adam. I'm terrified. She takes things well usually but this is new to her. Losing Nadia was hard enough but losing Kelly? That's something new. I've set up counselling and everything but I'm not sure I can help her anymore."

"Seriously calm down. You can and you will help her. Being honest right now I think she needs love and support from you. She's pushing herself and she's trying hard to keep herself busy so she doesn't have to think about Kelly. In her head Jay if she doesn't think about Kelly being dead then it isn't real. So to her this might not seem real right now. It's almost like her head is telling her 'Kelly will come back if I don't think about it' See what I mean? It's tough and it's horrible for her and just as bad for you because your trying so hard to help her but it's so hard to do it."

"That's what makes me feel worse - she thinks Kelly's coming back if she's careful but when Kelly isn't coming back at all and that hurts. Kelly is never coming back. Kelly is dead and she needs to get that into her head otherwise it's going to get harder for her everyday." I sighed.

"Yeah I know. This is why you are going to help her okay? I'm here to help you. All of us are going to help each other so if you need anything let me know. All I suggest at the moment is maybe let her do this what she wants to do. Let her work the case for Kelly so she can take her mind off it. Then when she gets chance please carefully let her take her time at Kelly's apartment to go through his stuff. That can be the most painful buit so let her do it and just show her your going to support her but do it carefully and correctly and again if anyone needs anything let us know." Adam smiled.