Mixed Signals.

55.

I couldn't remember everything that had happened but I knew I said some stuff I really regretted and I knew I caused a lot of upset. So much Erin walked all the way home. When I got in all my bags were downstairs, packed. All of my stuff was by the door. There was 1 light on and it was Florence's room. I went upstairs and looked through the slightly open gap in the door and Erin was sat hugging Florence crying quietly. Florence was fast asleep and in that moment of time all I could think about was - how could I leave my family like this? Look how beautiful they are sat there. How can I just leave them?

*

The main thing I could think about from last night was Abby turning up and causing a scene. After that I just left. I was past the point of broken. I wanted Jay to stay but I also wanted him to fulfil the job he actually wanted to do. I got up at half 4 and made breakfast. Jay come down 30 minutes later. He was dressed and ready to go by 6. I put Florence in the back of the car carefully so she stayed asleep. She was wearing her little pink elephant PJ's and then her cream dressing gown on top of that. I strapped her in carefully and then I helped Jay to fill the boot with his bags. I locked up and jumped into the drivers seat. He smiled at me before we left for the airport. It was a 3 hour drive and it would take a little while but it should be okay. Hopefully it wouldn't be silent the entire way there.

We'd been driving about a hour and it had been completely silent all the time. It was hard and it was slightly awkward. Then we hit a traffic jam and I just looked out the window. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel quietly.

"Let's stop at the services up the road and grab some food?" I smiled.

"For sure. I'm starving." He laughed.

"I'm thinking McDonalds?" I began to laugh.

"How dare you?? Maybe I fancy a kebab?" He jokingly punched my arm.

"At 7 in the morning?"

"Yes actually." We both burst out laughing. It relaxed me slightly to know we were getting on a lot better. Florence was still asleep thankfully.

*

I kissed Erin gently then got out the car and went into McDonalds and ordered our foods. I kept looking back out to the car and I could see her singing and dancing in the car to the music. I laughed at her and smiled. I felt horrible for leaving I really did but I had to go. I had promised to dedicate my life and my work to saving this country. I felt bad because I knew she needed me but I also knew I was needed back where I belonged. Maybe we could still make it work, maybe not but I'd prefer she does whatever makes her happiest.

**

We pulled up at the airport and Jay got all his bags out the boot and arranged them so he could easily pick them up. I woke up Florence and she got out the car and we all headed inside the airport. Florence was tired and she was carrying her little blanket around in her arms. She was only 4 bless her heart. I don't think she really even understood what was going on right now. Like I think she was a bit confused but she knew something wasn't right because to her mummy and daddy were both upset and arguing with each other. So it was actually quite hard for us to act like things were okay when they really weren't.

"Say goodbye to daddy then." I smiled. Jay put all his bags down and knelt on the floor hugging Florence. He proper pulled her close, and hugged her there. She began to cry and that's what hurt the most. He then started to cry, he squished her into his arms and kissed her cheek.

"I love you." He smiled.

"I love you too daddy." She smiled. She then kept crying, she ran back to me and hugged my legs while she continued to cry. Jay stood up and pulled me close to him.

"I want you to be careful, I want you to be happy, I want you to be positive and I want you to love with everything and I think you can do this. I'll be back before you know it. Stay strong lovely. I love you." He smiled.

"Jay please don't go? Just stay with us, we can get the money and we can do this. I love you too and I promise it will always be okay and we can do this." I smiled.

"I'm going now Erin. Please don't wait up for me. There won't be any point. I will be coming back but I think you should move on because there's not much point for you to sit and just wait for me. But I'll see you in a few months okay? I love you to the moon and back." He kissed me quickly before grabbing his bags and leaving myself crying and Florence crying with me still. I stood here watching him walk off through the airport - he was wearing his white shirt, black trousers, his jacket and his cap. Badges up and down his jacket and his cap. I was proud of him don't get me wrong but I couldn't help but worry. I took Florence back to the car and she pretty much fell asleep straight away but I sat there, head on the steering wheel while I cried.

*

She'd told me they left at half 6 and the gate opened at 12:30 and Erin come in carrying Florence in her arms. She took her down into the staff room and put her on the sofa under a blanket. She come back out and stood in front of me. Puffy red eyes, I hugged her quickly before she started crying again. She was shaking quite a lot but that was normal really in her situation.

"Are you heading home yeah?" I smiled.

"For sure. I really can't be here today." She sighed. "But thank you. Seriously Antonio thank you for helping me out recently. It's hard without Kelly." She smiled gently. I nodded and kissed her cheek gently before she went out and sat in the staff room for a while. She made herself a cup of coffee and sat on the sofa with Florence asleep with her head on Erin's lap. She smiled and gently ran her hand through Florence's hair and hummed quietly to her. I sat at my desk as Hank come out his office and came over to me.

"I want you to promise me you'll look after her okay?" He smiled.

"Hank. I promise." I smiled. I shook his hand.

**
After 6 hours I went into the staff room to see if Erin wanted to go home but she was fast asleep with Florence when I went in there. So I put a blanket over them both and then I sat in the armchair opposite them and put my coat over me so I could stay with them. I had locked everything up and we stayed in the staff room. I just felt bad for her at the moment.