Mixed Signals.

8.

I continued to cry and silently scream inside. The officer who hugged me earlier decided it would be best to sit in the back of the car with me and hold me in his arms.

"Erin. Just listen to me quickly my love."

"What's wrong?" I sighed tearfully.

"I lost my son 4 years ago. He was a newborn baby and he was really ill and I was in denial for about 3 years before I finally admitted to myself that he was gone. It still breaks my heart - at least Ranger Halstead is still alive." He smiled, he kissed my head. We pulled up at the hospital and I took the deepest breath in my entire life.

*

I laid on the bed, still tearful, terrified and in pain. I made sure the bed sheet was up and over to my chest. I heard footsteps and then the door was opened. 2 officers and a young girl come in. She was so tearful and had puffy eyes.

"Right we've been told Jay will be bought out here so if you want to wait here? He's in surgery now."

"Okay..." She nodded quietly.

"Hello..."

"Can I help you?" She sighed.

"I'm Gregg or 'Mouse' as Jay would call me." I laughed.

"Oh my god no. Are you okay? Your the Gregg that was involved in the explosion?" She smiled gently sitting down on the armchair next to my bed.

"I am indeed. Do you know anymore about Jay?"

"I'm not sure. I mean as you heard. He's in surgery. Can I ask what injuries you got? Like are you okay?" She smiled gently again, this time wiping a single tear away from her cheek.

"I'm not sure you want to see."

"I need to know what I'm dealing with." She sighed. I took the sheet away off my body and she looked tearfully at me and then my burnt messed up leg, hip and foot.

"Oh my god..." I quickly pulled up the bedsheet and looked away from her.

*

We'd been talking for quite a while. It was good for me to be comforted by someone who knew exactly what Jay had been through.

"Jay said you were a police officer."

"I still am. Detective Erin Lindsay."

"Oh that's awesome. Have you ever been injured?"

"Yep. Shot 3 times. 3 GSW's to my neck, chest and stomach. Nearly killed me. All because of a case I'd worked on. That's how sensitive the job gets honestly." I sighed. I looked out the window when I heard the doors open. I practically jumped out of the chair.

"He's just coming out of surgery come with us up to Recovery." The nurse smiled. I smiled and hugged Gregg before following her outside and into the lift.

"How bad is it?" I smiled nervously picking at my nails.

"All I can say is brace yourself before you go inside. But if you need anything let me know I'll be in there the whole time with you." She smiled gently touching my hand. When the lift doors opened straight away I noticed how sad and plain everything was. I followed her out again until we appeared at 2 doors that said 'Recovery' I reached out and held her hand. She nodded and smiled at me. She took us in there and all I saw was a bloodied, bruised and cut up body. She had to grab a sick bowl because as soon as I saw him I was sick. I couldn't even look at him. Why did I do this. Finally after I recovered slightly I looked at him again - 2 eye pads over his eyes, his hands shaking.

"Erin? Erin is that you?" He whispered, he sounded croaky and in pain.

"I'm here. Jay I'm here." I smiled I sat on the edge of the bed and held his hand.

"It's so good to hear your voice." He squeezed my hand gently.

"So Erin. Let me just explain the explosion caused debris to clearly cut and scar Jay, as you can see from his legs and arms. The other thing was the explosion and flames from it have been so close to him it's caused retina damage in his eyes. So he can't see anything. The eye pads are the best thing we can do to help him. Having the eye pads will mean he can't touch and rub his eyes allowing them to fully heal. But just be careful when it comes to touching his face but we thought it would be more comfortable for the both of you if we left it to you to do the face washing and the getting dressed too." The doctor smiled.

"Okay wonderful thank you. I'll wash his face now if that's okay?"

"You do it whenever you want."

"Can I take the eye pads off and replace them with new ones?" I smiled.

"Of course. That's fine." He smiled. He nodded and left us, as did the nurse so we had some privacy. I gently removed the eye pads. He bit his lips in pain. He then smiled and his eyes were all swollen, puffy and couldn't even properly open.

"Erin? Are you still there?" He smiled.

"Jay? Hey. I'm here." I smiled. He smiled again and I took the bowl of warm water and gently dipped the cloth in it and began wiping over his eyes. He kept flinching in pain. He held my hand and squeezed it tightly and then we were back to square 1. He couldn't see me properly. I wiped over the rest of his face so he was clean.

"Erin? Can you do me a favour? My kit bag in the corner has my shaver, creams, and stuff in it. Also can you do me a favour? Leave off the eye pads for a while so I can breathe."

"Of course I can. Do you want a shave? I can give you a shave then?"

"Yes please. I hate having a long beard." He laughed. I went over and got all the stuff out his bag and began shaving him. After about a hour or so I put the eye pads back on and we moved from recovery ward back down next to Gregg who was fast asleep. Jay was put in the bed space next to him and I sat back down in the armchair again. I held Jay's hand as normal.

*
"The only thing I can really say without Erin here would be, Jay was involved in a incident, he as also had surgery and what I have just been told is he has moved from recovery and is back on ICU with Erin at his side and Gregg, the other soldier in the same ward. I will let you know more as soon as I can and hopefully Erin can pop by in the morning to update you all." I smiled. I put my jacket on with a tough sigh and I headed out back to the car and practically sped to the hospital. As soon as I got there I saw Erin and went straight over. Jay and Gregg were both fast asleep. Erin hugged me and we sat in the family area of the ward by the window with a cup of tea each.

"Are you okay my love?" I smiled.

"Yes...honestly no." She laughed, it was a light hearted laugh but you could tell she was genuinely heartbroken.

"I know it's quite hard. Looking at him though I mean he looks like he's doing okay."

"Hank. He can't see anything, he's bruised, cut up and in pain. He had the surgery but he has retina damage."

"Okay sorry my bad. Well just letting you know you take all the time off work you need." I smiled. I held her hand gently.

"No I'll be on normal time tomorrow. I will be at work from 6am until 6pm like I normally am. Then in my spare time I'm coming here to be with Jay." She sipped her coffee and was looking over at her. She was watching him with a smile and glossy tearful eyes.

"Erin? Erin please? Where are you?" He called tearfully. He tried sitting up and moving around everywhere. He was getting really agitated. She got up and put her cup down before running over to him and pulling him against her chest and gently stroking the back of his head.

"I love you." She whispered. "I love you. It's okay. Your okay. Sweetheart it's okay." She kept whispering the same thing over and over again in his ear. Kissing his head.

*
I finally managed to calm him down. I held his hand and sat on the edge of the bed holding his hand again.