Mixed Signals.

88.

"So Miss Lindsay? Tell me what's going on." She smiled gently. Hank was sat in an armchair in the corner of the room.

"Where shall I start?" I made a small laugh but she wasn't amused, she just pursed her lips into a smile and looked at me.

"How are you feeling?"

I'm angry, I'm upset. Frustrated, hurt. Just this bunch of confused emotions that I'm feeling right now." I sighed.

"Okay but what caused the emotions to flare up?"

"Waking up knowing how much I've got to do."

"What about you're husband? I notice you are wearing a band."

"Yeah but he's in recovery and doesn't do much. It's so frustrating. To think about the fact everything I wanted I've lost as well." I began to cry.

"Keep going. This is good." She smiled.

"He doesn't know he's doing it but he is literally leaving me to do everything by myself. Wash and dress the kids, make breakfast, get myself ready, do the housework then I have to take the kids to school, sort us both out then work for hours then pick up the kids then cook then get ready for bed. All while he's laying in bed or on the sofa, watching the TV. The most he does is walk around the garden for 20 minutes while he does his leg movements to help recovery." I sighed.

"Okay. Well then I suggest you speak to him, tell him all of this. Now let's figure out what we can do to help you." She smiled. She was making notes the entire time I was speaking but I didn't really care anymore.

"Well yeah what can we do to help me then? Please? Come on I need help." I cried again.

"Erin do you love him?"

"I adore him, I honestly love him more than anything. I wouldn't of been married to him if I didn't love him." I managed a small smile.

"But Erin I'm sure you've split with him before?"

"Because he cheated on me? I couldn't look at him."

"Maybe you need to start again. Maybe Erin it would be better if you was to split up with Jay. I'm not suggesting it but maybe you should see if it might be better if you was to go on you're on journey again, you can go and find you're individual self again and it might help you. It could help you to go and be by yourself again." She smiled.

"You think I should split up with him?"

"Maybe." She nodded. I just nodded and looked down wiping the tears from my eyes.

"I think I need to go home now please?"

"That's fine. I'll see you Monday morning for our next session." She smiled. She handed me my paperwork before I left ahead of Dad.

**

I opened the door to find Hank stood there with a letter and his phone.

"You need to hear this." He sighed. I nodded and let him come in, we sat together on the sofa and I could feel myself shaking.

"What's going on? Where's Erin?"

"Erin's gone for a walk but you need to hear this from her counselling session." He began to play the voice recording of Erin's crying voice as she spoke softly. I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands and listened carefully. I was crying halfway through that.

"Is it over?" I sighed.

"Nope. Keep listening." He patted my back. I felt my heart shatter in front of me. I felt my chest stinging. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.

**

I shut the gate behind me and when I turned to face the door Jay was stood in the doorway. He wasn't smiling, he had this broken face. Puffy red eyes, shaking hands. Bitten lips. His knuckle on his right hand was very swollen and bruised.

"You can't leave me. Please don't." He began to cry. I couldn't move from where I was. Then both at the same time we moved and we met in the middle of the driveway and just hugged so tightly it was hard to breathe.

"Jay I love you, I do but you need to understand that I'm not in a good place. I'm not doing good. I don't think it's fair to put you and the children through that. I'm going to hurt you more if I stick around."

"What if we put you in a spare room?"

"No Jay. I'm moving in with Hank. I'll still see you and the children but I need the time to compose myself." I smiled.

"Okay...can you stay here tonight then?"

"Yes. You can help me pack if you want too?"

"You know I will. I love you Erin."

"I love you too." I smiled.

**

Luckily the children were both at school by this point so it left us both to spend time together. We went upstairs and sat on the edge of the bed. I looked around and thought about lonely it would be in here without Erin.

"It'll be quiet with you." I smiled.

"Yeah I know it will. Sorry." She laughed slightly.

"Are you still coming to Adam and Kim's party on Friday?" I held her hand.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." She smiled. She kissed my cheek gently. "You do realise I still love you? Like I'll still be around and everything? I just think it will help us that's all. Spending time apart might allow us to be free and find our true selves. So within weeks I guarentee we will be fine." She laughed.

"I bloody hope so." I smiled. I kissed her gently much to her shock. We spent about 3 hours before everything of hers was packed up. It was only 2 cases and a smaller bag but the house seemed emptier without her stuff.

"What will you tell the kids?" I sighed.

"Mummy's going away on a work trip for a little while. She'll be back as many days as she caan to see everyone but she can't sleep her and there might be times when you don't hear from me for a little while." She nodded.

"Okay yeah that sounds fine."

"Yeah I'm hoping that's okay. She smiled.

"Let me pack you're stuff in the car." I picked up her cases and took them all down to the car. I put her stuff in the boot and when I come back in the house she was stood at the top of the stairs looking at the photo's on the wall from our wedding day. "You looked like an angel." I smiled.

"Thank you. You looked great yourself." She nodded. "I have something I want to do."

"What's that?" I laughed.

"Get up here and find out." I went up the stairs and she pulled me by my hand and into the bedroom.

**

I laughed against his lips. My hand run against his abdomen. His muscles were there, my hand was shaking and my fingertip scraped his ribs as my lips were entangled in his. He had his hand in my hair and he was holding it tightly.

"I do love you." He got out through his shaky breath.

"I love you too." I grabbed his face and kissed him roughly again. He pushed himself further on me and he pressed his lips against my neck, he was biting on my neck and I closed my eyes and my fingertips ran down his spine. My breath hitched and I let out this sigh of relief as he fell against me and smiled. He was practically beaming.

He was running his fingers through my hair as I laid my head against his bare chest. I had my eyes out and I was just happy to be here with him. He didn't know how much he meant to be and I knew he found it hard because of me leaving in the morning but he was just so loving and I knew I couldn't hurt him but at the same time I also knew I needed to spend some time alone to make sure I was okay.