Marrying a Boxer | H.S.

Chapter 59

Scarlet

One week.

It has been one week since the miscarriage. One week since I lost part of me. One week of feeling empty and feeling like a black hole is swallowing me.

One week.

One week of waking up to an empty bed. Harry leaves early in the morning to the gym. I feel him get out of bed and I hear the shower running. I hear him shuffling around and zipping his gym bag and closing the door quietly behind him when he walks out of the bedroom.

I don't really leave the bed. Maura comes in from time to time to bring me food, but I don't eat it. I'm not hungry. I just want to sleep all day. I don't want to think, I don't want to socialize. I don't want anything at all.

Harry

This week has been hell. Scarlet has been pushing me away. She doesn't talk to me, she doesn't let me touch her. I don't mean touch her in a sexual way, of course not. I don't think either of us is prepared for that kind of intimacy at the moment. I meant she doesn't allow me to hold her hand, caress her cheeks, hug her... she doesn't allow me to be near her.

The day after we lost our unborn child, I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her, I needed a hug and I knew she needed one as well. But as I pulled her into me, she shrugged out of the embrace and got in bed. Later that day, I took her hand in mine and she quietly said, "don't touch me, please." Those words hurt like a bitch, I felt like my heart was being torn to pieces.

I have been leaving in the mornings to the gym. I feel like a part of me is missing and training has helped me get my mind off of the loss of my child, even for a couple hours.

I know that leaving is wrong, but training is the only way of dealing with a loss I know of. When I lost my girlfriend, I turned to boxing and it took my mind off of the pain I felt. Now the pain is much worse, and boxing helps. Not as much as I hoped it would, though.

I push the door open and see Scarlet curled up in bed. Blond curls messy and tangled. Her back is facing me, but I know she is awake.

"Sweetheart." Her head turns a few millimetres in my direction. "We have an appointment with the psychologist today." I walk around the bed and kneel in front of her. My voice is soft and quiet. "Get ready so we can go, dear." Her eyes meet mine for a second, then she turns her body away from me.

"I'm not going," she mumbles.

"Come on, babe. It will help us." I place my hand on her shoulder but she shrugs it off.

"I said I'm not going, Harry."

I let out an exasperated breath before changing clothes.

I can't force Scarlet to go with me. I don't want to go alone, I've never gone to a shrink before, but I know it might help. Or at least, I hope it does.

***

My leg bounces up and down rapidly as I wait for my name to be called. The waiting room is cold. Dark beige walls surround me, soft lights illuminate the room, tall vases of flowers are scattered around to give a happy vibe to the room.

"Styles?" A red-haired woman calls my name.

"That would be me," I say, approaching her.

"Hello, Harry. I'm Doctor Aileen Scott, please follow me."

I follow her through a hallway and she leads me to her office. "Please have a seat." I do as she says and sit on a sofa she has. "I thought I would be seeing you and your wife. Doctor Melendez told me about your situation."

"Erm... yeah, my wife didn't want to come." I say, awkwardly.

"I hope she can join us next time," she says, then scribbles something on her notepad. "Now, how are you feeling today?"

My eyebrows come down in a frown. I feel awkward and want to tell her that it's none of her damn business, but I know that'll get me nowhere. "I'm feeling... like shit, if I'm being honest."

"And how are things with your wife?" Once again, I fight the urge to tell her to fuck off. I know I have to cooperate in order to get help and improve the situation at home.

With a deep breath, I explain to her how much she's changed in the span of a week. I tell her that she cries herself to sleep and wakes up in the middle of the night crying. I tell her that she doesn't leave the bed, doesn't eat, and doesn't talk to me. "It's like we're strangers living under the same house. She doesn't even let me get close to her, she tells me to not touch her. How am I supposed to be there for her emotionally, if she keeps pushing me away? Besides, she's not the only one suffering. I also lost my baby, I'm in pain as well."

Dr. Scott nods her head and scribbles notes. "Well, Harry," she takes a deep breath. "I definitely see your point. And yes, a miscarriage is something that affects both, mom and dad. However, I understand why Scarlet might be acting this way. I think miscarriages are harder on the mom, especially this early on. The reason why is because she was already bonding with the baby. She was the one carrying it inside her. And she is blaming herself, Harry. I know it's hard on you, you have feelings too and you already loved the baby, I'm sure. She's angry at herself, not at you."

I think about her words and I realize she's right. I wasn't the one who was carrying the baby and bonding 24/7 with it.

"I just don't know what to do. If things continue the way they are, my marriage will be over. And I really don't want that to happen. I'm terrified of losing her. If I lose her, I lose myself."

I continue talking about my feelings and fears until time runs out. She asks me to come back next week and says that she hopes Scarlet will accompany me. She also tells me things to do for Scarlet in order to get her to stop blaming herself and to help her get back to her life and gives me "homework" that will also help me get on with life.

I thank her and as I leave her office, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and like I can actually save, not just me, but my Scarlet as well. I have hope.

____________________________________
A/N: Hola, my peasants!

Because it's my birthday today, I decided to update this short chapter for y'all! I hope y'all enjoy it!

Thank you for reading, you guys are so amazing, I can't even! We're already at 13.4k reads, and I never expected it to get this far 😭😭

Don't forget to vote, comment, and share, pretty please 🙏🏼

Kissy, peasants 💋

Stay cute.

~Amy 🌷