Red Strings of Fate (Haunted Series 2)

Strings 30: Chaos & Depression

My eyes burned as I shook my head. Doing my best not to draw attention to myself, I quietly left Lorraine's room and ran towards the emergency section.

Naabutan ko si Ate Beauty sa labas ng kwarto habang pabalik balik siyang naglalakad.

"Ate... kamusta si Nana?" I whisper, licking my lips nervously. Sumilip ako sa kwarto at nakitang maraming nakakabit sa kanyang katawan.

Hindi ako makahinga.

"Stable na raw siya pero hindi parin siya nagigising." Ramdam ko ang yakap ni Ate Beauty pero nakatulala lang ako sa salamin. I can't lose her. I can't.

Niyakap ko pabalik si ate at kinalma siya dahil nararamdaman ko ang kanyang panginginig.

I want to cry. I want to fall on the floor and scream why is this happening to us? I want to run away like we always do. But I can't. I need to be strong for my family and friends.

"She'll be okay. She'll be okay."

I mostly told myself. I can't lose my mother.

A touch on my shoulder brings me back to the present, and I blink back the awful visual of Nana strapped in those machines.

Napalingon ako at nagulat nang makita si TJ na naka-business casual outfit sa gilid ko. May mga agent na nakasunod sa kanyang likod. 

Si Ate B ay nasa loob ng kwarto habang tahimik akong nakaupo rito sa waiting area... hindi ko pa kayang pumasok. 

Napataas ang kilay ko bilang pagtatanong, pero bago pa ako magsalita, hinila niya ako para yakapin. His scent filled my nose as he bent his body para hindi ako mahirapang ipatong ang baba ko sa kanyang balikat.

Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit at nag-init ang mga mata ko sa kagustuhang umiyak sa kanya.

Umatras ako, nagpapasalamat na hinayaan niya akong humiwalay dahil may parte sa akin na gustong manatili sa ganoong posisyon habang buhay.

"You need to sleep. You don't need the caffeine kick." Concern tightened his brow as he glanced at my coffee.

Napailing ako at bumalik sa pagkakaupo. "Hindi ako pwedeng makatulog." My nightmares consists of my loved ones dying. It's better to be sleep-deprived than to feel that torture.

Umupo siya sa tabi ko, "Hope—"

Sumandig ako sa kanya kaya siya natahimik. Ramdam ko ang kanyang malalim na buntong hininga bago niya inikot ang braso sa akin para mayakap ako.

Hinayaan niya akong humilig sa kanya at lumipas ang ilang minuto bago ko naisipang magsalita.

"Dahil palipat lipat kami ng lokasyon bawat taon, kahit gumawa ako ng kaibigan o kaaway, hindi importante kasi aalis lang naman ako ng ilang buwan... and I'll be forgotten. And I'll forget about them."

Nasa balikat ko ang mga kamay niya, ramdam ang pagdiin nito.

"Sila lang ang hindi nagbabago sa mga bagong mukha. They're all I got TJ. They're my only family... She's the only mother I have."

I wipe my tears.

I can't lose her. She taught me everything I know. Riding my bike, tying my shoes, how to sew—my first running stitch, and how to fend for myself. She instilled in me na hindi ako dapat umasa sa kahit kanino—kaya ayaw niya na inaalagaan ko siya. Na nagtatrabaho ako dahil sa kanya. Na umaasa siya sa akin.

Pero gagawin ko ang lahat para kay Nana. Kailangan ko siya hanggang magkaanak ako, kung magkakaroon man.

"Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. I can't go in the room and see my once strong Nana so weak." I whisper, feeling him kiss my head. "My default is running, but you know... I am trying my best."

"You are. You wouldn't be here if you weren't."

I close my eyes and let my tears quietly run. I feel safe with him. He is one of the few people with whom I shared my fears—the constant fear of not belonging, the fear of not achieving my dreams, the fear of regretting things, and the fear of losing the people I love.

"Don't you ever have that moment when you're just so happy, and feel sad all of a sudden because you think you don't deserve it?"

He grunted, and I think that was a no. Of course, he won't feel that. TJ is born to take what he wants unapologetically.

"What we did back in San Raigo will always be in my heart, but I feel like that was borrowed time."

I wanted to live without any regrets. That's why I started to spend time and talk more with them, but it feels like they're being taken away from me too early. Sunod sunod kasi ang mga nangyayaring masama.

"Fuck baby, you're my Hope." Hinarap niya ako para titigan ng mariin ang aking mga mata. "You gave me hope that I can be happy. So you don't get to beat yourself up when you deserve nothing but the greatest."

I inhaled sharply, wanting to believe him. I want to, but my brain doesn't accept it.

So I hug him. Because if I smile, he'll know it's not genuine.

"Ano ang sitwasyon ngayon?"

Alam niya na ang tinutukoy ko. These days, I always ask, and he doesn't hide any information. I think it's his way of calming my nerves.

"We don't believe anyone is in immediate danger, all indications the yakuza is about to strike back are low. However, safety is our top priority." Sabi ni TJ at sumenyas para lumapit ang mga agent. Sila ang mga agent na naghatid sa akin pabalik sa mansyon sa San Raigo. "It's best for you to have a bodyguard."

Gulo akong napatingin sa kanya, "TJ, hindi namin kailangan—"

"You wouldn't see them, but they're there. For you and your family." He clutched my head. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you. Do you trust me?"

"I trust you completely."

ಠ_ಥ