Mixed Signals.

79.

"Morning bear bum." I smiled taking him from Jay. He had a little baby grow on that had a little stitched in bear bum and tail on the bum and the hood had a little face. I fed him some of the bottle milk and then while they were eating their breakfast and I patted Harvey's back and bum to burp him but he was just crying and screaming in my ear. It was because he wanted to crawl around but he couldn't. We didn't have time. He had to come with until I had my meeting.

**

We dropped Florence off and headed off to work. I smiled as Jay held my hand while I pushed the buggy.

"You look very pale? And very pasty?" He smiled.

"Yeah I feel a bit dodgy." I sighed.

"Nervous?"

"Very nervous indeed. I didn't think I'd feel like this. I'm normally so confident about things like this." I laughed.

"You know you're going to smash it okay?" He smiled kissing my forehead again as we continued from the parking lot up to the main doors and into reception. We carried the buggy up the stairs and eventually managed to get to our floor.

**

I put the phone down and headed out of my office. Walking stick in my hand as I tried not to limp too badly. I smiled when they both turned around and I saw the way Jay looked at Erin. She was in her best outfit. Her hat carefully on her head with her hair in a bun at the back of her head and 2 extremely curly bits either side of her face. She smiled and come over to me and hugged me.

"You've got this today. I promise." I smiled.

"Thank you dad. I'm so nervous." She laughed gently but the fear was in her voice.

"Have a cup of tea and a cuddle with Harvey before you go." I smiled.

**

I kissed his cheek before he sat down at our desk. I smiled and Jay put his arms around my neck and rested his chin on my hat and hummed to me. Then as I finished my cup of tea Antonio come up the stairs in his suit too and smiled at me.

"Ready?" He smiled.

"As I'll ever be." I laughed. I kissed Jay gently and everyone shouted good luck as we headed down together. We got in Antonio's car and we began our journey to headquarters.

"Let's make a deal." He laughed. "If you mess up once you're driving home." He smiled.

"Deal." I nodded as we burst into laughter.

** (This next part of this story is a discussion between Jay and Hank about Erin's wellbeing in the past and present and it is it going to get emotional and I want to say now there is a trigger warning for self harm, eating disorders and other upsetting topics but you may also find it helpful as it's based on personal experience's.)

I felt nervous for her. Harvey was getting fidgety and not sleeping. I smiled when Hank came over and sat next to me.

"She's got this." He smiled.

"Yeah I know. It's just nerve wracking isn't it. Like right now I'm a mess and I'm just waiting for that phone call from her. But it's scary because it'll either be positive or negative. I hope it's positive because if it's negative I don't know how it's going to affect her." I sighed.

"Yeah that's understandable Jay but she needs to learn that things don't always go right and things happen and there are always ways of getting around it but sometimes it might take a while. Jay seriously sometimes she needs a stern talking too." He smiled as I looked at this photo of her holding Harvey that was on my desk.

"Yeah I know that but she's fragile Hank. Like honestly she takes things harder than a normal person. A simple thing like not having the right things in the fridge to make a meal she wanted will send her into this emotional messy state and that's what causes issues. Because we know she doesn't mean to get like that but it happens and then she ends up in states of mania and depression and it goes wrong." I looked him in the eye even though I was crying and he was clearly now getting a understanding of what I was going through at home with Erin.

"What do you mean? Jay you've never spoken to me about this? Please Jay talk to me? Tell me about everything that's going on at home." He sighed.

"Why does it matter?" I wiped my tearful eyes and looked over at Harvey for a few moments before giving in and getting myself together to tell Hank about everything. "I know it's not her fault but she just worries me because we've got 2 beautiful perfect children and if anything was to happen to her I would be so upset. I think I would blame myself just because I would feel like I never did enough to help her out." I smiled gently. Almost laughing because I just noticed how stupid I sounded.

"Jay for god sakes. Ask me for help next time. Honestly don't go through this by yourself. Like please next time when she plays up you ring me, or come over. Don't go through this alone." He smiled as he hugged me.

**

"So tell me Detective Lindsay why do you think this job is for you?"

"I believe I could do this job wonderfully because I am a strong, independent confident Detective. I'm happy in my current position but I've always wanted to try something new. I take on new cases and I think this is perfect for me." I smiled.

"But isn't your father currently in this position?"

"Yes but we keep our relationship professional. We are just at work until we get home." I smiled.

"Do you think you are able to run the unit?"

"Yes I have done it before on several occasions and I know I can do it." I smiled. I finished up and went and sat outside while Antonio went in for his round. I was quite nervous and my hand was shaking while I was trying to drink my tea.

**

"Hello?" I smiled as I nervously picked up my phone.

"Jay.." She sighed.

"Oh no Erin. Don't get upset."

"Put the kettle on. I need one when I get back." She hung up and left me sitting there feeling quite bad for her actually. I put the kettle on and within 20 minutes they come back up the stairs and just stood there.

"Guess who got the job!!" Erin absolutely beamed and I ran out the staff room over to her hugging her and picking her up in my arms.

"I'm so proud of you." I smiled with a tearful laugh as I kissed her. She smiled and I was still holding her up in my arms against my chest and she kissed me again. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled.