Mixed Signals.

52.

"Well thank you. But I feel a bit useless right now. Like think about everything she went through. We found out we weren't pregnant and then we lost Kelly."

"I thought Erin was pregnant?"

"Oh no we didn't get chance to tell many people. Erin's body was messed up and turns out we weren't actually pregnant and that upset her a lot anyway then she lost Kelly. I'm worried about her. I'm worried about the funeral." I sighed.

***

The Day Of Kelly's Funeral.

I buttoned up my trousers and my shirt. Carefully tied my tie and laced my shoes. I silently walked slowly up the stairs and opened the door carefully. I looked over and Erin hadn't moved, she was still sitting with her back to me, looking out the window holding the necklace in her hand gently. She had her head down and her shoulders were moving in time with her crying.

"You need to get ready soon babe." I smiled. She nodded gently and then I left the room and went back downstairs and put my jacket on. I paced the living room. Florence was asleep on the sofa and I felt bad she had to come with us but there was nothing else we could do. Literally everyone we knew was coming to the funeral so we had to take Florence.

10 minutes until the funeral Erin moved from the bed.

*

I put my black dress and buttoned up the side and slipped into the pair of black flats and the final thing was putting the gold necklace on and doing it up carefully. I grabbed my jacket and went downstairs. Jay smiled and I quietly picked up Florence and carried her on my hip and headed out the house. Everyone was stood outside. The undertaker the first person to see me.

"Ready Ms Lindsay?"

"Indeed." I whispered quietly. I felt myself crying but I let him go first behind the car and then I followed him, Jay at my side and the rest of the people walking behind us. Florence was still asleep on my hip but I kept looking at the funeral car, it's all I could see. The coffin and all the flowers 'Kelly.' 'Lt.' '51.' 'Squad' I was proud I'd managed to organize all of today and so far it was going so well. I felt proud of myself and I knew Kelly would be proud of what I had managed to do for him. I was honouring him how he'd want to be honoured. The walk was slow and upsetting but it gave everyone a chance to calm down and prepare. I made sure I didn't talk and I kept my mind focused on Florence and Kelly.

We arrived at the church and Jay joined Matt, Capp, Boden, Mouch and Herman to carry the coffin in. I was stood at the front row, Florence still asleep and on my hip. I heard the footsteps coming up the middle aisle and my heart was pounding and I didn't even want to look. I blinked hard letting a few tears escape before I looked up and saw them put the coffin down. Jay come back over to me and smiled as we all sat down.

"We are here today to honour the memory of Lt Kelly Severide. He was a well known part of the community and a amazing fireman. He was loved and known by many. He attended many fires and upsetting scenes, he saved hundreds if not thousands of lives and he will always be remembered. I now believe a few of his friends would like to make some speeches and just talk about Kelly in their own ways." The priest smiled. Stella, Casey and Capp all did a speech and I went to do mine but I lost it just before. I could go up. I managed to sort myself out but I told them all I would do my speech at the wake. We all headed outside and stood around the area where Kelly's coffin was going to be buried. It was awkward and silent but we watched as the coffin was lowered. Jay took Florence and I fell down to my knee's and began crying. I held my hand up to my face and went to cover my mouth and nose but I was shaking far too much. I could feel the black mascara tears falling down my cheeks. Jay wasn't even sure what to do so Stella knelt down next to me crying nearly as much as me.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too." I rested my head on her shoulder while I carried on crying. She knew it was hard and we both knew it was going to be tough. She held my hand and tried to calm me down a bit. I think it took 45 minutes for the burial to finish and then we all headed over to the wake. When I got there everyone was already in there. Jay was sitting with some of the firehouse guys with Florence sitting on his lap. I shut the door behind me quietly and looked around. The food was all sorted out, the drinks were flowing and everyone was together and supporting each other. It wasn't even like a wake it was nice for everyone. I looked over at the memorial table and saw all the photos. There were loads of ones of Kelly with everybody and there was a whole photo frame with loads of photos in of me and Kelly throughout the years. I went over and smiled as I looked at them all. I knew straight away the years, the dates and what was happening when the photos were taken. I turned to Jay and went over to him. Taking Florence and going over to the front of everybody. Jay tapped a glass with a knife for me and then the attention was on me.

"Hello! Thank you all for coming to the funeral today. I know Kelly loved you all and would of been over the moon to see everyone here. In my opinion it went amazing today and it was beautiful. The next thing I'd like to say is thank you on my behalf for letting me plan today. It wasn't easy and I did go through a tough time but it all worked out. Now all drinks from now on I'll be paying for. So buy in the name Lindsay Halstead. Now have a good time and I'll be around if anyone wants to discuss anything about Kelly or recall anymore memories. Just come find me. Thank you." I smiled. Florence nuzzled her head into my neck and smiled. I went back over to Jay and grabbed my coat.

"Babe I want you to stay with everyone but I think I'm going to go actually." I smiled.

"I'll walk you home?"

"No. You stay. Bring Florence with you later. I think I'm going to go home and go to bed. It's been a long, tough day today." I kissed him gently as he took Florence then I headed towards the door. I turned back 1 last time then I just left. I headed straight home and when I got in there I just slid against the door and fell to the floor crying and screaming. I missed him. I needed him back. I'd had enough of today already.