Mixed Signals.

48.

"Yeah that would be lovely. I could do with that. Thank you. I think I need a bit more time so I can calm myself down but as soon as everything's sorted we can begin to talk surgery. Another thing, when can I be moved onto a normal ward?"

"We're not going to move you into another ward only because we can't risk it. You are a high dependency patient. You need help, and assistance so we don't want to risk you needing help and not having anyone there." He nodded, he put a little cotton pad and some tape on the blood test hole in my elbow. He smiled as I stood up.

"Can you walk back? Want a wheelchair?"

"Wheelchair please." I managed to get up and sit in a wheelchair. Holding my arm and closed my eyes as he began pushing me out the lab back to the HDICU. We went through the doors and Connor stopped the wheelchair. I opened my eyes and carried on looking down.

"I want you to try and walk unaided to the red doors." He smiled holding my hand.

"Why?"

"Because I want to show you something." He nodded again. He helped me to stand up and then I just stood there, I could feel myself shaking a lot. I smiled and began to walk forwards. It made me feel great when I could move.

"Stop there." Connor smiled. "Turn around."

*

She turned around and I smiled as she just looked at me. I handed Florence to her but she wouldn't take her. I stepped a bit closer and Erin grabbed Connor tearfully and asked to be taken back into her room. She sighed and he apologised to me before taking her back in. I sat down back in the same waiting area I'd practically spent everyday. I felt like I was letting her down in a way. Like almost like I wasn't helping her in her anyway and it was heart-breaking because she wasn't getting better. That's what made me feel like I did. Another reason was because I was struggling to look after Florence by myself but I didn't want to accept help from Kelly because I was jealous of him and his relationship with my family.

***

2 weeks after the accident. I hadn't seen her since Florence's birthday. I missed her and I wanted to talk to her but she couldn't deal with it apparently. She refused visitors and didn't want to talk to anyone because things were getting hard. She knew she couldn't have children and that hurt her. She never saw Florence anymore, she avoided me and Kelly. I wanted her back at work.

I think in her heart she wanted to see me as well but it wasn't that easy. Connor had told me that because she hadn't been eating properly and hadn't been sleeping she wasn't healing, she was still using a frame, she was sore, her ribs hadn't healed and she was in a lot of pain right now. But we could take her home whenever she wanted to go so we were waiting until she felt comfortable going home.

***

3 weeks after the accident. She still refused anyone seeing her.. I spent everyday sat in the waiting room for her though just incase she changed her mind. I mean she knew I was here. She was always told I arrived her. Connor always told her I was here, but still she refused to see me. She made sure she didn't leave HDICU because we weren't allowed on their without special permission. She'd planned this all out.

"Connor wait up." I called as he walked past me. I stood up and he smiled.

"What's up mate?"

"Can I see her please?" I smiled.

"Not yet."

"Why?"

"I don't want you to cause her distress." He sighed.

"I promise. 2 minutes."

"Fine. Clean up and then you can go in." He nodded.

**