Love or Fame?

This Is It

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It's been a little over an hour now and Lexi's still gone. I just sat there in the same spot she left me with my head leaned up against the wall thinking about everything. The moment we met, our first fight, the night I cheated, the night she took me back, our first time together...everything. I'm always messing up. I'm always doing something to hurt her and this time, when she really needed me, I went to far. I let her down. I let us down. I let us go for a minute. But I'm here fighting for us again. I'm praying to God that I don't lose the girl I love to death. I'm Praying that this baby is mine and I was hoping we can raise it together. I don't see that happening though. Not with the way things are right now. Damn, everything's messed up. Once again, it's all my fault. Maybe it is time to just...let go. I put her through too much and she deserves better. As I thought about this, and played with the ring in my hands, I heard the door downstairs open, then close. Lexi's home. Two minutes later, she appeared at the door frame. She froze there as she stared at me staring at her. We both said nothing. All I could see in her eyes was the pain that I caused. I can't keep doing this. It hurts like hell, but it's time to let her go. I can't keep hurting her like this and if she stays with me, that's all I'll be doing. That's all I do. I love her, yet I hurt her. That's not right. I want her to be happy and she's no longer happy with me. I gotta do this. I gotta say goodbye. "Hey," she said. "...hey," I replied. "You stayed like this this whole time," she asked. I raised my head up off the wall and got up. "Um, yeah," I said. "But I'll leave you alone now." I walked over to her, but not too close. "Lexi, I've been thinking while you were out. I've been thinking about you, about us. All I've done was hurt you," I said. At this point, I was just trying to hold back these tears. It was hard because I just wanted to break down. I cleared my throat and spoke again. "Babe, I love you with all my heart. But I keep hurting you. I've been nothing but an ass and I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry for everything that I've put you through, baby. I never wanted to hurt you. I just want you to be happy and you're not happy with me anymore. I can try to do all these things to try and get you back, but it wouldn't work. Your heart's just not in it anymore. Is it," I asked. She looked down, then after a few seconds, she shook her head no. Then she looked back up at me and I saw that she was about to cry again. As the tears ran down her face, I noticed that tears were running down mine too. "Babe, I don't wanna hurt you anymore. I just want you to me happy. That's why...that's why I'm letting you go. I can't keep doing this to you. Just know I'll always love you. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for all the wrongs I've done. You deserve better and I need you and the baby to be okay. I still wanna be in your life though. Even if we're just friends. So, can we still be friends," I asked. She didn't speak, but she nodded in agreement as she wiped her tears. This is it. We're...over. How? This is all just so unbelievable. A nightmare I wanna wake up from. "Well, this is it right?" She nodded again. "Can I hug you," I asked. She wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her tight. We stayed like that for a good minute in silence. I wish that I could keep her in my arms forever. Gosh, I love this girl. My heart broke each second that passed by. I don't wanna let her go, but I have to. Maybe we just need some space. "I love you, Daniel," she said. That broke my heart even more. She loves me so much and all I do is hurt her. I don't wanna let her go. I couldn't speak right away. I was crying and the words couldn't come out. She looked up at me and wiped my tears. "I love you too," I managed to say. I held her hands as I stared into her eyes. I hesitated, but I gently kissed her gentle lips one last time. She kissed back. After a few seconds had passed, I ended the kiss, let her go, and walked out. As soon as I shut the door, I started crying even more when I heard her sobs. I can't believe it. This is it.

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