One sick love story

New opportunities?

3 weeks since I started chemotherapy.
And just 1 week left of the summer holidays.

Things haven't gone exactly as planned. My body responded to the chemicals in a different way this time. But not in a good way. The side effects have been excruciating. I've been throwing up more, my stomach pains have increased significantly, to a point where I've been struggling to walk. I am now mainly pushed around in a wheelchair, or have been lying in bed when at home. And of course my hair. It started falling out after the first week, I got so frustrated that I decided to just shave it all off rather than waiting again.
I have barely been home. In the last three weeks I was meant to spend a total of 1 week in hospital. Instead, over 3 weeks I've had just 5 days at home. I got a fever during my first week at home after the first week of chemotherapy, that meant I had to go back into hospital straight away.
I spent a few days there, then a few days home, then I got another fever again. So had to go back.
It's certainly been a roller coaster of emotions over the last few weeks.
And today isn't going to get any better...
I'm going in for scans today to see if all of this pain has been worth it. I know I won't be cured yet, but It will tell me if its atleast working.
I'm not sure what would happen after if it wasn't working. That thought terrifies me...

--

After 1 and a half hours, I am out of the fortune-telling machine.
It takes longer now because they have to scan my whole body, because the Cancer could be anywhere.
I'm just praying it hasn't spread to my brain.
I go back to my hospital room and lie in bed with ben. He literally hasn't left my side this whole time, I feel bad but also relieved that I haven't had to face the roughest few weeks of my life alone.

"Hi darcy, so... The results, now..."
I can't be bothered to listen to all of the, you're going to be okay, but it's bad news, and it's not good news and whatever. I just want to hear it then get on with treatment.
My mum and ben are holding both of my hands on either side of the bed. They're as nervous as me for the results.
"It's not good news." I knew he was going to say that, wasn't expecting anything less. "Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that chemotherapy hasn't been successful. Instead of your Cancer decreasing, it has actually increased. Spreading to more lymphnodes and more parts of your body.  But on the bright side it still hasn't spread to your brain, so it's still treatable." They way he says 'still' makes me feel as if he knows it's going to happen, but it hasn't happened yet.
"So what's the next step?" My mum asks concerningly and with desperation.
"Well... We're going to have to stop chemotherapy"
"Wait what!" Me and my mum shout synchronised.
"Yes, it's the truth"
"But why? Surely that will make everything worse?"
"Not anymore. If chemo was going to work on you this time it would have started to make some effect on your body. It's not going to work anymore I'm sorry, your body has already sustained the amount of chemotherapy it can have. Now it's just poisoning you. You can see what it's done to you over the past few weeks... It's just not safe anymore."
None of us can mutter any words from our quivering lips. We're all just hanging on the edge, waiting for Dr. Kartor to shed some light on the situation.
"So what now then? How can I become cured?"
"Well... There is one thing that we can do, but I'm afriad it isn't going to be very pleasant."
"Well I'm up for anything, it's my life"
"I've managed to squeeze you in on the list for a bone marrow transplant. They're usually very successful, but obviously come with a few risks.
I have put you high up on the waiting list, as your situation has become more serious than some others. "
"So what actually is it?"
"It's basically when your old bone marrow gets washed out with chemicals, and is replaced with new bone marrow from a generous donor. Now when your bone marrow is being washed out, it will also wash out any good, healthy cells as well, so this is what makes you become sick. You have to stay in an isolation room in hospital for a month, then have atleast another month, maybe two, to let your body recover and adapt to its new bone marrow. All bodies will react differently, some... Not in a good way.
But I really recommend it, it has the ability to cure you and rid you of your Cancer forever."
"Well... I guess it's worth a shot"
"Of course it is. But I'm afriad... "He hesitates "that this is the only thing left, if this doesn't work" he pauses, and is unable to finish his sentence. But I think I can gather what he's trying to say.
A bone marrow transplant is a new opportunity for survival!
But it is also the only thing I have left that can cure me. After this...there will be nothing left.
I can't afford to think like that, or even consider that.
"I'll do it! I Just I have to, I have no other choice" ben and my mum both glare into my eyes, with tears falling down theirs.
It's going to be hard, but it's an opportunity, and when an opportunity comes to save my life... I just have to take that chance...