One sick love story

Summer freedom!

It's the beginning of August, and life is going great!

Certainly compared to this time last year anyway. Last year I was stuck to a chemo pole, walking around a hospital.

This year I'm at home, spending time with the ones I love. And getting to go on a lot more adventures.

I did so many things on holiday with ben, that I've had a bit of a rest from the whole 'adventure' type stuff. I've just been going out with family a lot. And basically making up for times we lost last year.

Today, I'm going out with Chelsea and a few new friends from college. Abbie, Millie and Heidi.
Abbie is defiantly becoming one of my closest friends. Definatly a close second best friend to Chelsea.

We're going on an average,girly, shopping trip.
I love being able to do all of this 'normal' teenage girl stuff. It feels great being back into the real world.
It's been almost 5 months since I was in remission. It seems like longer to be honest. So much has happened in that time, I'm definatly back to my old self again. Well... A different version of myself. Before I was this shy, quiet girl who didn't really have much of a social life. (Sad, I know). But now I'm quite a popular girl around school, (something I thought I'd never be) and regularly go out with friends and attend the occasional Party.
I guess I have ben to thank for that.
But it isn't all him. Since having Cancer I've learnt to be confident and stand up for myself.
I definitely view life in a different way!

So, Abbie is just coming over to pick me up and we're going to meet the others in town.
"Bye mum, love you" I kiss my mum goodbye, as I leave the house. Like always. Because of the past circumstances she always finds it hard to let me go, scared of something happening to me whilst I'm gone. But I'm always fine.

"Hey girlfriend" Abbie says as I hop ino the front seat with her.
"Hey Abz!" I reply. She's a little less of a girly girl than Chelsea is. She's more my type of person. We can relate to each other more. But it doesn't mean I like Chelsea any less.
As we drive off, Abbie begins to make conversation. "So... How's things with you and ben? I heard this holiday you went on was pretty exotic."
"Yeah, you could certainly say that. Things are great with us, I never thought i could actually like a boy... As much as I do now."
"Neither do I to be honest. Never had one. They're just... Too immature. I want an older man you know. Someone who won't make stupid jokes and pick their nose."
"Cough cough gold digger cough cough" I say jokingly.
"Hey!" Abbie replies a little shocked at my comment but also laughs. We're at that point in a friendship, where we can make fun of eachother and it not be hurtful. You know you're close when you can insult eachother but it be okay.

On the journey there, I start to feel a bit nauseous.
"You alright Darcy?" Abbie asks. "Your looking a bit pale "
"Oh yeah I'm fine. Just travel sickness."
"You sure? It's not anything to do with...?"
"Oh no Abbie definatly not. I've been cured for 5 months now. I've been free for 5 months. There's no way it's coming back. I'm fit and healthy."
"Good, just had to check. I didn't want to have to see my best friend go through something like that. You know how amazing ben is, I don't know how he managed to go through everything with you."
"We said from the start, we are in this together."
"I know I know. But boys say a lot of things. It's rare they ever actually mean it. Ben's a special one. You better keep hold of him."
"Oh I will, you don't need to worry about that. "

Eventually we make it to town and meet the other girls there.
"Hey Guys."
We both give them all a short hug, then we begin the treck around the mall.

Most of us just go into shops, try loads of clothes on, but never actually buy anything. That's a girl thing really, boys don't really understand how we can shop for fun.
"Guys, can I have your opinion on this?" Millie says from the changing rooms.
"Sure"we reply then walk over to find her in a short, dark blue dress.
"Do you think it makes my bum look big?"
"Yes Millie your butt looks huge, but hurry up, I want a costa." Heidi says. She's blunt. But hilarious.
"Heidi, how can you say that to me?"
"What, that's what you wanted to hear wasn't it! Be honest!"
Millie is probably the most popular one out of all of us. She goes to parties all the time, and gets drunk quite a lot too. Yeah, she's one of those. Me, Abbie, chelsea and Heidi aren't really like that. But we're all still really close.
Finally, Millie decides to buy the rediculously expensive and revealing dress. Now we're all off to Costa.

I decide to go back home with my costa as I'm feeling quite tired today. Maybe I do have a cold or something.
Abbie drives me back to my house and comes in for a little while.
"Now you sure you're alright?"
"Abbie honestly don't worry about me. I'm fine. I would tell you if I wasn't."
"Okay, I trust my bestie. But I think it's probably a good idea that you just rest, just Incase you are coming down with something."
"I'm f-"
"Darcy, it's alright. I'm going to go now, see you next week yeah?"
"Yeah sure, see you soon"

I am starting to get a bit of a cold. All these thoughts keep crossing my mind, I'm just worried it could be the start of something. But I know I'm just freaking myself out over nothing. Just because I have a cold doesn't mean I have cancer. People get colds everyday. There's nothing unusual about it.
I just wish I could escape from cancer. Even when you don't have it anymore, the fear doesn't leave you. And I know it's a fear I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. So I Ignore it, knowing there's nothing to be worried about.

--

I've woken up today with a sore throat and a blocked nose. I know it's just a cold, but I can't help but worry.
Ben is coming round today, he's around almost everyday, yesterday was a one-off day for him. He went out with his mates and I went out with mine.
But today we just have each other.

He arrives at about 10 am and Luke greets him at the door.
"Hey little Luke. How's it going?"
"Hi Ben! It's really good. Me and Darcy are going to the park tomorrow."
"That sounds amazing, where is your big sister?"
"She's in her bedroom. Being boring"
"Well Thankyou Luke. I'll speak to you later yeah?"

Ben comes upstairs and greets me with a cheeky kiss.
"Hey baby, how you doing today, you look a little rough?" He asks me,
"I'm fine ,just got a bit of a cold."
"Oh really, you feel ill?"
"No. Just a blocked nose, dont you worry about me. I'm fine alright."
"Of course you are. The cancers gone, we don't need to worry about that anymore do we?"
"No, you're right. It's gone, but I just can't help but worry."
"You don't need to. That phase is over now, I'm certain it's nothing. Anyway. Let's talk about something else. You enjoying the freedom? I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since our holiday already. "
"I know, just 5 weeks left of the holidays. I have so much planned, I don't know if I'm going to fit it all in."
"We'll try, we'll start with the more adventurous stuff, you still want to go rock climbing?"
"Of course, I can't wait. When shall we go?"
"Ill book for next week, anything else you'd like to do?"
"Probably, but I can't really think about that right now, let's just get rock climbing over and done with first shall we? Stop being so adventurous, I love you just the way you are."
I kiss him on the lips then we make our way down to the living room to watch a film.

--

Bens just gone home, I'm still not feeling great, but I know if you think about it more you can make yourself feel even more sick.
So I'm trying not to think of it. The only way I can do that is if I go to sleep. So I'm going to bed quite early tonight.
I haven't told my mum or anyone how I'm feeling, I know she'll just freak out and want to ring up Dr. Kartor. But there's no reason to. So there's no point telling her, it will just make the situation worse.

-

It's the next day and I'm taking Luke to the big park today. It's been great being Cancer free, I can now spend so much more time with my brother and my mum. We're a closer family than we ever have been.
I get my coat, scarf and gloves on (Just because it's summer in England doesn't mean it's warm) and me and Luke start walking to the park.
It's nice to get out the house and get some fresh air, and to distract me from my cold. I've still got a sore throat, and have to continuously blow my nose, but I don't actually feel ill. I know what feeling Ill is really like. And this isn't it.

I run around with Luke in the big field, letting the cold air brush past my cheeks. We play 'it', a traditional game, but a fun one.
Then I take a breather as Luke finds a friend to play with and climbs up the climbing frame.
He's up there enjoying himself for a good half an hour then eventually comes down.
"Darcy Darcy come push me on the swings" Luke chants as he runs over.
"Alright Luke I'm just coming"
As I push him back and fourth my arms start getting really tired, but I try and ignore it and I let myself just have fun with my little brother...