These Things That We've Done (Kellin Quinn) {Book 2}

Chapter 29. Feel

This chapter is dedicated to @alexknows. She commented on the last chapter saying that this story helped her. In her comment she stated, "I just thought that I should let you know that by reading this, I've found other ways to cope with self harm." I can't even begin to tell you how happy that makes me feel. I didn't know that I could help someone with their problems through my stories. This girl says that every time she gets an urge to cut, she reads this story. Thank you for that comment and for getting better with your self harming. I've been there before. I know that the urge to cut can be very strong sometimes. Thank you for turning to reading instead of cutting. I love you and stay story Alex. Now please, enjoy the chapter! :)

Chapter 29. Feel

~Summer~

Our little vacation in California was wonderful, but when we got home something happened. It was last at night and we were damn tired. We put the girls to bed and then moved to our bedroom. We both stripped and climbed into bed. We hadn't slept in the same bed together in awhile. 

We laid next to each other and stared at the ceiling. Our tired bodies were so close. Our tired hearts were even closer. 

"Summer?" Kellin said from his side of the bed. I didn't look over to see him. 

"Yeah?" My voice was so quiet. 

"Im sorry for cheating on you," Kellin whispered. 

"I'm sorry too. I haven't been a very good wife," I admitted. Soon it won't matter though, right? I wish I could have a second chance. 

"I haven't been a good husband."

"We've both been pretty bad." I chuckled at my own words. We've been terrible, oh so terrible. It pains me. 

Kellin turned on his side to face me. I saw that his hair was perfectly messy, his torso shirtless, and because he wasn't under the covers I saw his bare legs. The only article of clothing he wore were thin, short boxer briefs. He was so vulnerable. I was almost the same since I only wore a bra and boy shorts. 

"How 'bout we start over?" Kells suggested. "Lets forget about the cheating, the ignoring, and the fighting. We need to try to be good parents and a good married couple. Lets get back to normal, okay?"

A smile made its way onto my lips. I wanted that more than anything. I turned onto my side to face him. Instead of saying okay back I leaned in close to him. Our lips got so close. It would be the first time our lips touched in so long. They were so close. I needed his lips on mine. I needed them now. 

But before our lips could touch…

I gasped and sat up, sweat coating my forehead. I looked to my side to see an empty spot on my bed. It was just a dream. We came home last night, but nothing was like that dream. After putting the girls to bed Kellin didn't join me in the master bedroom. He went to sleep on the couch like he always does. We didn't agree to start over. The divorce is almost finalized. It's too late for any of that. I don't want any of that though. It was just a dream. Just a stupid dream that never happened. 

I decided to get out of bed and get ready for my day of doing nothing besides writing songs and being a mom. I checked to time so see it wasn't that early. It was only seven in the morning. I went to the bathroom to take a quick and quiet shower. I hummed some Imagine Dragons songs during my shower, thinking about the concert. That was a wonderful concert and it was the only night I didn't feel like Kellin and I hated each other. I don't hate him. In fact, I love him and I always will. Just maybe not in the way I did when we first got together. 

After my shower I got dressed, did my hair and makeup, and then went into the kitchen to quietly make some breakfast. I tried to be extra quiet because Kellin was sleeping in the other room, but he was already awake and making his way into the kitchen himself. Why was he up so early? We didn't get home until midnight an he's up at seven? I guess I shouldn't be talking since I'm up too. He sat down at the table. I grabbed a water bottle and then sat next to him. I took a sip of water before murmuring, "Good morning."

"Morning," he groggily mumbled back. 

"Why are you up so early?" I asked. 

He chuckled. "I could ask you the same question. You're already showered and ready for the day. I'm still in my pajamas and have bed hair." He has a point. 

"Touché," I said. 

"I was wondering about when I move… who is getting what?" Kellin asked randomly. 

I shrugged. "I guess you can keep all of your items and I'll-"

"No, I mean the wedding stuff…" Oh. 

I forgot. There's so much that we have in memory of that day. First we've got the garter that we kept, and then pictures, my dress, his tux, the wedding video, and other things. "Well… obviously I'm keeping my dress and you have your tux. I guess I'll keep the garter, and you can-" This boy needs to stop interrupting me. 

"What about the save-the-date cards and wedding invitations that we've framed? And the video?" Kellin asked.

"I don't now. I didn't know you even wanted any of that!"

"I do…" 

"Okay, we'll you can have the video and the framed shit. I really don't care, Kells. I'm gonna go check on the girls," I said. I stood up and walked out of the kitchen. Why he would want the video and framed things, I will never know. 

~Kellin~

Summer left to go grocery shopping with Della and Allix at noon. The minute she walked out of the door I put our wedding video in the DVD player in the living room. I sat on the couch with Scarlett giggling in my lap. I pressed play and watched the ceremony that took place about a year ago. 

Summer looked so freaking beautiful. Her hair was perfect and held a veil. Her dress fit her well and was stunning. Her tattoos were visible, making her look incredibly sexy. Summer has always been a gorgeous person. She will never be anything less. It's impossible. 

I love her, honest. I always have and I always will. But things are different now. I'm different from the man I was a year ago. I'm not going to apologize for that. Summer and I can both grow up some and leave everything in the past because Summer has changed too. I feel good about our future. I can be who I am; whoever I want. It's like starting over. 

Summer is always going to be a love in my life, but what if she isn't the love of my life? We can find who we're meant to be with if we aren't meant for each other. We can put our relationship behind us and be who we are. Summer can't be who she is if she's still married to me. 

I watched the video. I began to say my vows. I remember how I memorized my vows my heart to impress her. Those words that I said… they meant so much. "Summer, I love you for all that you are, once were, and ever will be. I love and respect you deeply. You have me completely wrapped around your finger. I'm in love with everything about you. You are absolutely gorgeous, you have the voice of an angel, you're the smartest person I know, and you are the funniest. I've never met anyone as sweet as you and never will again. I'm lucky to have you for the rest of my life and I'm lucky you'll actually have me. You deserve much more, so thank you for settling for me. I love you."

Every single word I said that day was true. I love her. I respect her. She's gorgeous, her voice is amazing, she's smart, and she's so silly. She is incredibly sweet. I will always have her. Whoever has her in the end better be damn lucky. She deserves better than me, but she also deserves better than many other guys. 

"Kellin, you are simply amazing. You're charming, handsome, talented, sweet, funny, and much more. I'm the lucky one. For some strange reason, after all I've put you through, you still want me. That means the world to me, to know that you'll alway be by my side. In you I found the love of my life and my closest, truest friend. Thank you, and… I love you. More than anything." Summer's vows… were they as true as mine. Does she still love me now, the way I love her? It's different than when we married, but I still love her. And am I still her friend? She's my friend. I've never put up with her. It's more like she's put up with me. 

Scarlett began crying so I turned off the DVD and cradled her in my arms. "Shh, it's okay baby girl", I mumbled to her. She said something that I couldn't quite put into words. She's still learning. 

I fed her and played with her, making a mess of the living room floor with all her toys. It cheered her up and she was giggling again. I love that little giggle. It makes me feel… feel so happy. I feel warm inside when I hear that cute little voice of hers. If she's smiling and laughing that means she's happy, which means I'm doing something right. 

Summer soon came home with the girls and I helped her bring in the groceries. We made dinner and ate in silence. After dinner we sat on the living room floor to play with Scarlett and her toys some more. Scarlett is very bouncy and energetic when she isn't crying or sleeping. 

When it was night time we put Della, Allix, and Scarlett to bed and I even sang Della and Allix to sleep while Summer was in the living room writing songs. I joined her and sat next to her on the couch. She didn't mind me though. She even let me read some of her lyrics and help her out on some parts she wasn't too sure of. 

After writing one whole song she closed her book and leaned back into the couch. With a sigh she reached for the TV remote to turn it on. I didn't think too much of it before I remembered what was on the TV. Instead of going to normal shows like Duck Dynasty or Supernatural, the screen showed the main menu for our wedding DVD. I mentally face palmed. I'm so stupid! I only turned off the TV screen. I forgot to turn off the DVD player as well. 

Summer looked at me with a confused expression. "Kellin… why is our wedding video in the DVD player? Were you watching it?" she asked quietly. 

I slowly nodded. Instead of lying and creating some spiral of lies telling the truth right away is probably the right thing to do. "Yeah, I was watching it."

"Why?" she whispered. 

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess to compare us. I guess to see how much we've changed in one year. I only paid attention to our vows though." 

"Oh…" There was an awkward silence for a couple seconds. I just had to break it. 

"Did you mean what you said, Summer?" I asked. I had to know. 

"What did I say? I don't remember." Summer have me an apologetic look. It's alright if she doesn't remember. That's perfectly fine. 

"You said… you said that in me you found your closest friend and that you loved me more than anything. Do you still love me now? I know not the same as you did when we got married, but still? And are we still friends? We were best friends a year ago," I stated shyly. 

Summer gave me a small smile. I saw the dark circles under her eyes. She's so tired. "Kellin, I still love you. I always will! And of course we're still great friends! We had two babies together. How can you not be one of my closest? We're doing what we think is right. This is right. Don't worry about anything, Kells." Summer stood and began making her way to the bedroom, probably to get some sleep. 

"Wait, Summer?" I called quietly from my place on the couch. 

"Yes?" She turned to me. 

"I never put up with you. You've always put up with me. Thank you," I said. 

She smiled and blushed. "You're welcome." 

I smirked at her. "Go get some sleep. You look tired. I'll see you in the morning. Night, Sum." 

She turned on her heels and left the room. I heard a small 'night' from her before the bedroom door shut. 

I couldn't help but smile. Things were good with us. She loves me, we're still friends, and we're doing what's right. She made me feel better about all that was going through my head today. I feel completely sure now. I feel alive, like this is all behind us now. I've never felt this good before. Thank you, Summer.

A/N: I hope you all like the chapter. Can I get five comments for this one? Please and thank you. Love you all! xoxo

P.S. Please check out my Vic Fuentes story. Link is in the comments, external link thing, or you could find the story on my profile. I promise you will not be disappointed with it! :)

~Catt