The doubt, The struggle, The breakup

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Leah's PoV

The studio session a few days ago now and I can't help but reply the whole thing in my head. I reply everything Ellie said and did, I reply everything Beth said and also the connection I couldn't dismiss. I look at Ellie and I feel home. I'm at training with Leah and I feel....friendship. Fuck.

I know I'll hurt her as she plays up if I spend the day with Ellie but I know I can't string her along. But I also know that it's not set in stone with me and Ellie.

As we sit at breakfast at training I sit and stir my fruit round my plate. Totally fazed out of everything that's happening around me.

"Leah"

"Earth to leah"

I hear Beth.

"Sorry what did you say"

"I was just saying how amazing it must be to be Ellie"

"In what sense having the greatest persons babies" I smile at my response however Beth doesn't look happy.

"No dummy, to hang out with people like Justin bieber, Adele, Beyoncé, and please tell me she knows Taylor swift"

I can't help but laugh Beth has the biggest crush on Taylor swift.

"You will have to ask her I'm not sure maybe she does. But it's just as amazing being us"

"How do you tie that with how cool Ellie is"

"We're cool we hang around the greatest footballer on a daily"

"Stop talking about me so highly Leah" Katie says which causes everyone to laugh.

Lia comes over and sits next to me.

"Hey babe, you have a good day yesterday" she asks.

"I did" I pull out a picture of the babies and Lia seems to snub it and talks to alessia next to her who notices the interaction and looks very awkward.

"End it" Beth says angry at her god children being snubbed and walks away Viv following her closely.

"Girls training pitch in 5" Jonas shouts.

On the pitch I feel like my stomach is a washing machine I feel sick, I feel sick on how I could end things with Lia. What would I say.

I pair up with Katie who knows something is up.

"Leah everything okay"

"Yeah"

"Don't lie now"

"I think I need to split with Lia"

"Finally"

"What"

"You and Lia are not you and Ellie and everyone here feels the same. But why haven't you done it yet?"

"I don't know how too"

"Look Leah, Not every connection is meant to last forever, and the ending is not a failure. Sometimes, it is a sign of completion. Sometimes, it is a sign of growth. Sometimes, it is a sign of beauty. Sometimes, it is a sign of the truest love of all the willingness to let someone chase the life that's calling them."

I listen to what she says and stop warming up.

"Who are you and what have you done with Katie" I ask my hands either side of Katie's shoulders shaking her.

"Oi I am smart yanno. I just only let people I really like see that side of me. But seriously Leah just talk with her but don't string her along"

I nod and kick the ball to Katie before we starts drills. Today is the day I end things with Lia.

Training goes well. It comes to dinner time before the gym session this afternoon. I grab my food and take a seat. Lia sits facing me.

"I'm sorry"

"For what"

"Snubbing the picture. I shouldn't have done it I just having a bad day"

"It's okay"

"Can I see it"

I hand her the picture.

"They look like you Leah"

"Thanks I hope so they were my eggs" I laugh.

Me and Lia talk for a while and I starts to make me doubt if I should end things.

When we get in the gym we all have our own routines planned by the trainers. I'm always matched with Beth and if I'm honest Beth today not in the best moods.

"You ended things yet"

"Okay Beth hey how's you? I'm good thanks you?"

"Leah I'm serious"

"Beth it's my life I don't know if I should."

"She snubbed your babies picture would you really want to be with someone like that. Someone who could potentially snub your babies when their here"

"I guess so"

"U guess so what?"

"I guess your right"

"Look there are people who you can love, but do you feel loved by them? Do you love the only thing that keeps you from leaving them? Or do you let it drain you. There might not be any love left to give to yourself when you get the courage to walk away from something that can no longer stand together. Love is strong Leah but it can't be the only thing that keeps two people together. It's okay to walk away."

"Okay I'm being set up"

"What do you mean"

"Since when have you and Katie become philosophers your both speaking sense"

"I'm speaking the truth. Leah you know I'm right. You know that your one true love is at home carrying your babies. Don't let her go"

I sit down on the floor.

"You know what your right"

"Always" and with that Beth is back to her old ways pissing me off.

As soon as the day ends I stay behind in the locker room Lia joining me.

"You okay you seem down today babe"

"Lia we need to talk"

"Okay yeah sure you okay"

"I need you to listen"

"Okay"

"I want to say thank you. Thank you for being there for me through everything that has happened in the last year. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on, showing me it is possible to love again. Thank you for making me laugh and smile and just being you"

"Leah"

"No Lia please. I thank you for it all but I don't think we will work."

"Is it Ellie"

I put my head down for a split second then look up at her.

"It's always been Ellie"

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