I am about to be a woman
The first real milestone in growing up
Eighteen years old
As much as there is to learn
And as much as I need to grow
I am lucky that I developed my sense early
I won't be growing out of my interest
Not away from my love of animals
Not abandoning my love of horror
Not giving up on art
Not swaying from writing
What's the good of growth
If you grow into something completely new
The past has no purpose if you let it go
The road is littered with hopes and dreams
Why add more to the clutter
An adult
Finally old enough to feel like I should be listened to
Old enough to show I understand the world
Old enough to never be a kid again
Old enough to be harshly punished
Old enough to have responsibility
Old enough to have rights
Old enough to vote
Old enough to change things
Old enough to have authority
Over my own life
Over others
When people grow
Soiciety seems to favor those who kill passion
Those who give up on childhood dreams
Those who sink back and accept fate
I suppose then
Society won't be favoring me
Growth doesn't have to mean change
Growth can be greater understanding
Growth can be better stability
God knows I need that
For a while leading up to eighteen
I was very very excited to be an adult
Getting a job
Getting a house
Not having to always be under the hand of authority
Then in the years closer
I got scared
Very very scared
Scared of messing up
Scared of finances and employment
Scared of moving far
Scared of losing friends
Scared of living
Now in the closer moments
The moments less than a month away
I'm not terrified anymore
I'm excited
I've been able to order on my own
I've been without family in foreign countries
I've purchased on my own
I've started to take care of myself
A little bit
I've taken care of cats and dogs
I've worked in school
And I've thought
And thought and thought
And now it isn't scary
It would probably still be scary
If the life leading up to being an adult
Wasn't absolutely awful
Full of
Anxiety
Sadness
Despair
Loss
Anger
Fear
Doubt
Life is bad now
I don't actually care if it gets worse
If things get harder
I know I can adapt
I can thrive under pressure
I'm a quick thinker
A problem solver
A complete and utter emotional mess
Another thing I won't let go of
Who knows how things will go
Who knows if I'll live long enough to enjoy things
Who knows if I'll find comfort in another person
I don't know what I'm going to do
Or where I'm going to go
I do want a cat though
But I know that the future
Whatever happens in it
Won't be so bad
