The only thing worse than suffering
Is people thinking you're lucky because if it
Everyone wants what they don't have
Everyone wants what they're not
And when your culture pushes your suffering
Makes not just light of it
But encourages it
You get doctors who tell you you're lucky for being underweight
Your metabolism will change when you're older
Then it gets brushed away
Like crumbs off of a keyboard
Current issues ignored
Skinny girls aren't allowed body issues
Not here
Not in the western world
In a land plagued by obesity
I'm completely and utterly ignored
The suffering is made worse by other people
People who preach body positivity
Then attack people for being underweight
As if the other side if the coin is why you're struggling
People don't think that opposites are related
After all we both hate our bodies
Even though we say we love them
Hypocrites are a dime a dozen
People don't seem to think that underweight people are mistreated
How can you be mistreated
You have what we all want
I've on more than one occasion been called anorexic
Sometimes blatantly outright
Sometimes with a bit of prying
I'm not anorexic
And I never have been
But I sure do look the part
A body positivity movement
Becoming a weird obsession with difference
It's disgusting what good intentioned movements so often become
I suffer yes
But what caused the suffering
If not anorexia
Partially it's caused by inability
Inability to eat large quantities
It isn't long before my stomach can't handle anymore
Partially it's through habit
I've never liked making food
So I never ate at lunch when I was small
So I never put in effort to not go hungry
So I continued not eating
I continued fighting through constant daily hunger
And now hunger rarely bothers me
And partially because of stress and anxiety
I don't like eating when I'm trying to get something done
I feel less hungry when I'm stressed
It's as if my stomach becomes full with emotions
It was never an intention to do this
And I'm not even sure if I could have prevented it
I look a lot like my mom
I probably developed after the thin women on her side of the tree
I doubt there's just one cause
And I doubt I'll be able to fix it
When both physically and mentally
You struggle to do something
It's near impossible to get done
I also doubt I'll ever really be happy with my body
How can I be
Maybe I shouldn't be
Maybe I just need to try more
To work harder
Or maybe that won't make a difference
Maybe I should just settle
No
I can't do that
I've already thought it an issue
And if there's one thing I can't ignore
It's the things my mind deems issues
Body positivity
What a joke
