Someone To Stay

33

JJ and I walked back into the BAU. "You ok?" I heard JJ's voice in the distance as things that I didn't remember filled my head. "Cam." Her more stern voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"What?"

"We have another case." Hotch said, meaning we all had to go to the conference room.

"Are you ok?" She put her hand on my back and I tensed up. We haven't cuddled or had any physical affection for the past 4 days which meant I hadn't been sleeping well. I didn't answer her and just kept walking. "Baby...please talk to me."

"We have a meeting." I said, avoiding eye contact as she grabbed my arm, making me face her.

"I love you."

"I love you too." She sat down next to me in the conference room and I was barely paying attention as I played with my ring.

"Cam. Cam. Frost. Camden." My head shot up as I heard Emily's voice. "Do you need a minute?"

"Cam, you never told us what he did to you in there." Morgan pointed out. I looked down at my hands and then turned to JJ. I guess she saw the look of fear in my eyes and then took my hand, leading me to her office. I felt everyone's eyes on me as we left.

I started to sob and she touched my back. "It's ok baby. I promise it's ok." I shook my head.

"He...he..."

"He what?" I sat down in her chair and she pulled up another chair, leaning against her knees while she waited for me to answer. "Camden. You can tell me anything. I swear to you. There is not one thing you could tell me that would make me thing badly of you. All I want to do is help you and for you to be happy. So please...talk to me." I reached for her hand and she gladly took it.

"I thought it would never happen again."

"What would never happen again?" I shook my head and bit my lip, trying not to cry. "Hey hey hey, focus on me." She said softly. I looked at her and calmed myself.

"He...he um. JJ I can't say it."

"That's ok. Can you write it down for me baby?" I nodded and she got a post it note. I wrote what he did slowly while she watched my face.

He raped me

She read the paper and I saw her jaw tighten. "Baby I'm so sorry." She reach out to hug me but then remembered that I didn't want to be touched.

"It's ok. I really need one." I built up the courage and stood up, she pulled me in for a big hug that we both really needed. She rubbed my back as I sobbed into her shoulder.

"You're safe now." She reminded me.

"I know. I know. I really don't want to leave. I'm so scared." She nodded.

"We'll both stay off of this mission." She tried to pull away but I didn't let her.

"I really need you JJ."

"I know. I'm right here." She kissed my head and rocked us back and forth. "It's ok. It's ok. I'm right here. I'm not leaving, I'm right here."

"I love you." I sobbed and held her even tighter. "I really need you I'm sorry I pushed you away but I really need you."

"Do not apologize. And I'm right here." She tried to pull away again but I didn't let her.

"Don't go."

"I'm right here."

"I need to make up for the last 4 days of hugs and cuddles."

"Does that mean nonstop hugging and cuddling?" She whispered into my ear. I sniffed and nodded. "That sounds good to me." I heard her smile through her voice.

"Don't let go. I really need this." She nodded and held me even tighter, lovingly, not protectively. She rubbed my back slowly and kissed my head every so often.

"Did you know that hugging increases oxytocin-"

"Ok honey I need JJ, not Spencer." I sniffed and her hands stopped so she was just holding me, not rubbing my back.

"I'm sorry. It's all JJ now."

"Good. I love JJ. JJ is my favorite person." She rested her head on mine and I felt her smile.

"You're mine."