Someone To Stay

7

This was the fourth night that I was staying at JJ's house. I had slept in her bed every night, and every night she would ask me if I was asleep, and I wouldn't answer. I told her I heard it the first night but not the next few. She would whisper compliments in my ear and hug me against her tightly. "Whatcha thinking about?" JJ asked me, sitting down next to me on her couch.

"Nothing." That's a lie. She told me I was beautiful every night and told me I was safe...I looked more forward to pretending to sleep than I was to do anything else. She just made me feel safe...and feel good about myself.

"Tell me what's happening up in that pretty little brain of yours." JJ said while laughing, putting her arm around my shoulders. I relaxed into her touch and turned my head to bury my face in her shoulder. "You ok?" I felt her whole demeanor change as she started rubbing my arm comfortingly. Why did I feel this way? "Talk to me." Her voice was soft and assuring.

"I'm fine." I lied, lifting my head up and looking into her face. She tucked my hair behind my ears and then rubbed my back.

"Hey...this might seem weird and it's completely fine if you say no. But I like having you here...and your apartment is kinda shut down...do you wanna live here?" She asked me, I smiled widely and nodded.

"Yeah, ok. That seems fun." I leaned in to hug her and didn't let go.

"Are you sure you're ok?" She whispered in my ear. I didn't answer and she held me tighter. I didn't know what was happening to me. I had always been...emotionally unstable. Not in a violent way. I wouldn't hurt others. But I was prone to cycles of depression, flashbacks, and nightmares. I don't really like myself at all, and I don't trust people. I really only trust JJ. "Cam?"

"I'm sorry-" I tried to pull away, not wanting her to be weirded out but she pulled me back. I tensed my body up to keep myself from sobbing.

"Don't apologize. Don't ever apologize." I let out a choked sob and melted into her. "It's ok Cam. You're with me." She kissed the side of my head and held me against her tightly.

"I...I...I need to go back to my apartment." I choked out between sobs.

"Why?"

"To get my stuff...um...I left my meds there." I whispered to her, just holding on to her.

"What meds?"

"Um...I take meds for PTSD...and Major Depressive Disorder. They help with um...they help with not thinking as much." I told her, hoping she wasn't one of those people against medication.

"That's good that they help." I nodded and pulled away from her.

"Can you take me tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"And uh...I'll drive here tomorrow. I need to get my car out of the car garage at the Bureau." She nodded and got up and walked back to me, handing me a pair of keys. "Thank you."

"No problem. You live here now." She scrunched her nose cutely and messed up my hair.

"But you're so nice to me. I've known you for like two weeks."

"Well I spend at least 8 hours a day with you...and you've been living with me for the past four days."

"Yeah but...you see bad things happen all the time. Why do you trust me?"

"You're just...you're you." She said with a smile. I blushed and looked down at my hands.

"You're my best friend right now." I confessed to her. She nodded and wiped a remaining tear off of my face.

"You're mine." I felt my chest tighten but it felt good. I bit the inside of my lip and got up to go to bed. "Without me?" She asked.

"Sorry!" I stripped off my clothes and put on an oversized t shirt. I could see JJ sneaking glances of me out of the corner of my eye but I didn't care. I jumped into the bed next to her and closed my eyes immediately. She put her arms around me and kissed my forehead. This was the first time she had done this while she knew I was awake.

"Good night beautiful."