Someone To Stay

14

We had just had our one month anniversary and no one knew about our relationship except for Spencer. My work phone ran and I heard JJ's voice. "I am requesting your presence in my office." She said in a low voice. I looked up and saw that the blinds were closed.

"Why?"

"I miss you."

"I'm coming right up." I walked up the stairs and into her office. "What's up?"

"I wanted to see you. You seemed off this morning."

"I was tired, didn't get too much sleep." I explained to her.

"Did you have a nightmare?" She stood up and took a break from her work.

"Yeah." I breathed out.

"Why didn't you talk to me about it?"

"Because I hadn't had one for 12 days and I didn't want to disappoint you."

"Why would you disappoint me?" Her voice was soft as she took a few steps closer to me. "Baby I want you to talk to me about these things. I know things have been getting better for you...but don't ever think that you would disappoint me if you backtrack a little bit." I nodded. "Hey, look at me."

"Sorry."

"Do you need to talk?" I shrugged and looked down at the ground. "Cam...talk to me if you need to, please." I felt a tug at my chest. No one had ever cared about me this much before. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and I wiped it away. "Camden...it's ok."

"I'm sorry." I sat down and put my head in my hands. JJ sat down next to me and put her hand on my back.

"Hey, it's ok. Do you need some water?" I nodded and she came back a minute later.

"JJ...the dream was really bad. I could feel the pain, I can never feel it in my dream I just relive the feeling of it. I thought I was screaming but when I woke up I was frozen. I wanted to wake you up but you looked so peaceful. I couldn't fall asleep. I hadn't had a nightmare that bad in a few years." I admitted.

"You can always wake me up."

"I don't want to annoy you every single day with my problems. I don't let it get in the way of my job, I do all my work but every time I go home or get a break I just...I just break down a little."

"That's ok. I want you to talk to me." She emphasized the words and she was starting to sound a little bit frustrated.

"Look, I'm sorry."

"I really want to help you. I care about you so much Cam. You can always talk to me. I promise." I nodded and she pulled me in for a big hug. She kissed the top of my head repeatedly while I buried my face in her neck. I pulled away after a minute and started talking.

"Things happen at least twice a year. I just, get into a really bad headspace." She nodded.

"Depression?"

"No...I don't know. I've talked to a psychiatrist about it once but never again. She didn't explain any of it to me." She nodded. "Everything kinda goes dark. I don't know what happens. I just know it happens for a couple days. I just know it feels really bad." She nodded.

"Do you think it's going to happen again soon?"

"I don't know JJ..." I trailed off as I felt my voice breaking.

"It's ok baby...you're ok."

"I've been to many psychiatrists and therapists and psychiatrists. I've been diagnosed with a lot of different mental disorders, some have been taken off of my record just so I can get a job, I studied them to try to make sense of what happens in my mind. I majored in psychology and I understand criminals minds. If i try I can understand any mind, the only kind that I can't seem to understand is my own." I whispered. "And it's really scary." I admitted. "I don't know what it does."

"It's ok." She whispered and rubbed my back.

"Please don't go."

"I'm right here."

"I know...just please don't leave me." I pleaded.

"I'm staying."