Someone To Stay

20 ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️

"Reid do you have those files I gave you?" I asked him hurriedly, trying not to spill my coffee. He nodded and handed them to me. "Thank you." I continued to walk around the office and collected as many of my files as I could. I headed back to my desk and looked at all of them, feeling very stressed. My leg bounced as I pinched my wrists, trying to calm myself. I pulled my sleeves down so no one could see the cuts I had given myself last night.

"Hey, don't do that you're gonna hurt yourself." JJ said to me as she walked by. I sighed and held my head in my hands while my elbows rested on my desk. "Cam come see me in my office." She said, trying to sound professional. I nodded and walked up to her office quickly.

"Hey." I whispered, pulling up a chair next to her death.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"I don't know. Maybe...I don't know. It's been a month since we saved Maddy...and I guess I was hoping she'd call."

"That doesn't explain why you're panicking." She closed her blinds and knelt down next to me, putting her hand on my back.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't know what it is."

"No it's ok, don't apologize. Just try to breathe." I nodded and tried to breathe every time her hand went up and exhale every time her hand went down.

"Ok...ok I'm good."

"Did you take your meds?"

"Um...yeah." I lied, reaching for her hand.

"Camden..."

"I'm sorry. I didn't."

"Have you been taking them?"

"No." I breathed out. She squeezed my hand and sat in her chair across from me, reaching for my other hand too.

"Why?"

"I don't wanna have to take them just to be ok." I mumbled. She caressed my hands and waited for me to say more. "JJ..." I looked up at her.

"Yeah?" She kissed my hand and squeezed them three times.

"Can I tell you something I've never told anyone before?"

"Yes, of course baby." She whispered.

"I um...I sometimes um..."

"What?" She moved closer to me and searched my face as she looked away. "Hey, look at me." She said softly.

"I sometimes get the urge to..." I tried to spit it out but I couldn't.

"Cam you can tell me anything." I nodded and looked down at our hands. I let go and started playing with her fingers.

"I sometimes get the urge to hurt myself."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know."

"Baby look at me." I looked up at her hesitantly. "Did you hurt yourself." I hesitated a second but I shook my head. "Ok...can you roll your sleeves up for me?" I shook my head again. "Why?"

"I'm sorry." I looked down and let go of her hand. My feeling of comfort left me and I held my head in my hands.

"Hey it's ok. It's ok." She said soothingly as I started to cry. She rubbed my back and pulled my head into her lap.

"No it's not I'm sorry." I lifted my head up and she was looking at me with loving eyes.

"Hey hey, it's ok. I promise. Can I see?" Her eyebrows were slightly furrowed in concern. I nodded hesitantly and she slowly rolled my sleeves up. "Baby..." She brought the cuts up to her lips and kissed them. I tensed up and she grabbed my hand. "Why?"

"I don't know."

"Hey, whenever you feel like you want to do it again please come to me." I nodded and she kissed my forehead. We both stood up and she pulled me in for a tight hug.

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's ok. It's ok. But there are healthier ways to deal with this." I nodded and clutched her tightly.

"Is it ok if I stay up here. I don't want Spencer to ask me questions." I said, wiping my tears away as I pulled away.

"Yes, of course beautiful." I reached for her hand again and she kissed it. "I thought you were getting better. I thought you were taking your meds."

"I guess. I just can't catch a break."

"It's going to be ok. I promise."