Union

91.

Maria
My stomach feels tender after being prodded and poked so many times and Roel looks pissed when the doctor tells him he's not allowed to go into the surgery with me. I know he's about to argue, so squeeze his hand and try to get him to not rage at the people doing their job. Coming back to me he kisses my hair softly and looks between my eyes issuing the threat to the room but looking at me. "You'll be safe, or there'll be no one to stop me from going after all these fuckers."
Something clatters behind me and Roel smiles knowing his warning has sunk in. It's not hyperbole, he would without a doubt harm every person in the room and not think twice about it. It's not that he has no morals or is emotionless, but he prioritises the people in his life and these strangers are nothing to him. A bad guy but a good man, only to those he deems worthy.
Laying back against the bed Roel doesn't let me go kissing my cheeks and lips and whispering only for me to hear. "I'll die for you and die with you, engjëlli." My laugh comes out as his dramatics, it's a 20 minute procedure and not life threatening in any way but he's acting like I'm having open heart surgery. Keeping my voice low so no one else hears I try to reassure him. "I'll be fine, you're like a nonna fussing about nothing."

Once we're done at the clinic, Roel keeps hold of my hand like he was afraid I'd disappear because I wasn't in front of his eyes. Pulling up at the Kadare's he kisses my knuckles before getting out and opening my door for me. A girl could get used to the fussing and attention but, I like my Roel who is confident in himself and me.
There's a raised voice coming from the kitchen and the closer we get the clearer it is. "Get the fuck out, you're a dickhead." Eden sounds genuinely upset and my steps speed up while Roel continues at a normal pace. I don't know what I expect to see but it isn't flour covering every surface and Dion holding his hands up like he's submitting.
Roel kisses my cheek and follows after the new Krye while Eden mutters profanity under her breath and punches whatever dough she's made. Taking small steps I don't know if I should run away or stay silent waiting for her to speak but she chooses for me and gives insight to her anger. "Can you believe the asshole told everyone I'm pregnant? I didn't even tell him yet, fucking prick."
My smile is genuine and my feet pick up their pace as I wrap my arms around her and congratulate her on the new baby. "You got to tell me, I didn't know." She laughs and relaxes before seeing the mess of flour everywhere.
I'm helping Eden make whatever batch of bread she's on when Leandra and Francesca walk into the kitchen. Eden's theory about baking being therapeutic is only true when she's already made the dough and I get to punch it but the rest is tedious as fuck.
Leandra tries to make her pregnant daughter in law feel better but Eden grumbles something about him being an ass. She doesn't defend him and just declares easily. "He's my son and I love him, but I didn't pick him. You did." Francesca doesn't even attempt to make her feel better, I'm sure she's still pissed about Niko spoiling the news of her pregnancy.
As if he knows he's being talked about, Dion walks in followed by Niko and Roel. Each of them going to their other half's and Roel wraps his arms around me from behind as Leandra looks like a proud mother at the six of us. "The best thing about having you three as sons, is who you have chosen to be my daughters in law." She has a gleam in her eye knowing the argument is going to erupt as they battle who is better.
Roel's parents who were there when he was growing up might not be worth shit but, Erion and Leandra never look at me as any different than Eden and Francesca. It was strange being called the daughter in law of a random couple but it feels right, and like I'm home.

***

I don't know I got my hopes up after the doctor telling me it wasn't guaranteed to work on the first try but I did. Now my foolish heart is in mourning for the dream I created and expected to become a reality too soon.
The stick is taunting me as the display shows not pregnant. I waited the an extra two days wanting the result to be what I hoped for. Roel is working with Niko and Aron so at least I'll have enough time to mask any disappointment. But I can't hide it from the people who refused to let me be alone and Ajla wraps her arm around my shoulder as Francesca does the same on my other side.
Her voice is full of conviction as she leans her head on mine and whispers. "It'll happen for you, at the exact right time you'll get everything you wished for." I nod numbly as it feels like everything is conspiring against me. There's been too much shit like the writer of my fate fucking hates me. From childhood to adulthood life keeps fucking with me.
Roel senses my gloomy state as soon as he comes home. When I try to smile it's just a flat line and he looks to the women bracketing me with a question in his eyes. They don't betray what I've told them and kiss my cheek before they leave with Niko.
Picking me up, he sits me over his thighs so we're face to face and tilts my face up to meet his so I can't look away. "What's wrong?" So much worry in his voice and I crumble physically trying to hide away.
It's easier when I projected that I didn't want anything. There was no way for it to be taken away from me because I'd hidden it deep inside of me with the promise of one day. Now one day is here and I feel uncomfortable with everyone knowing my wishes that I've protected for so long.
Soaking in the comfort of my person, my voice is dejected. "It didn't work." He sighs and holds me tighter kissing my shoulder and going to my cheek. "Ok, Angel. We'll try again." Taking in a full breath the smell of smoke makes me move out his neck and I canine him. "Have you been to a bonfire?" He laughs and strokes up my thighs. There's a delay in Roel's answer making my mind try and fill the gap. Speaking slowly he omits parts that I can easily fill in. "Aron's a robotic pyro, if you ever want the world to burn let me know and I'll get some tips from him." My laugh is light feeling some of the sadness leave as jade comforts me.

Our routine has evolved from hour cuddling sessions whenever Roel came home to being in his arms at every opportunity he finds. What is supposed to be my sanctuary, is ours and he can deny being invested in the books as much as he wants. My husband has a romance book addiction, I've tried to convince him to read the fantasy worlds but he gets bored with the descriptions.
Rocking the swing to get my attention I ignore his attempts to satiate his neediness. Giving up on rocking me, he sits beside me and pulls me closer while I'm trying to focus on the made up world that doesn't resemble ours. It's easier to get lost in them, they don't have the same problems I'm currently experiencing and they don't build my lust to a point where a hand or mouth isn't enough.
After telling Roel I want to try again, he agreed on the condition we use the replica of himself he had made first. My body didn't react well to it and now it keeps yearning for more but never accepting it.
Kissing a path from my shoulder to my neck I move giving him access, this man knows my body better than I do. He can anticipate my desire, my fears and everything in between. "Truth or dare engjëlli." Giving up on the world that doesn't exist, I come back to my own private one as I straddle Roel's thighs and shrug. "Your choice." He looks surprised, moving his head with a crease between his brows he inspects me like he'll find something wrong. There isn't, I'm just sick of constantly thinking. I miss the days Roel would make me forget about everything, how even the thought of my safety net wasn't important because he'd scramble my mind in such a beautiful way while keeping me safe.
His eyes are warm as he asks. "You tired?" Yes. I'm not tired in need of sleep. I'm tired of the shit in my head and the fight to get back to being me being so fucking slow. My emotions are fucked with the extra hormones and tears burn the back of my throat but I don't let them reach my eyes.
Shaking my head no I contradict my answer and lay against his chest. "Do you ever wish we gave each other our names that first night in The Basement?" The question is random and has no bearing on life, what's in a name when his soul speaks to mine. But Roel gives it thought and hums trying to soften his answer. "No, I called you Angel then and now."
Playing with the buttons on his shirt my voice wound faraway creating another world for the two of us. "Do you wish we spent the next day together? And the one after that? And just kept doing that for all them years?" I can feel his cheeks lift as he smiles into the kiss planted on my forehead. "I'd give anything to go back in time and meet you again."
His answer settles everything inside of me and Roel lets his own questions free. "You ever think there's another planet where we exist and they're meeting for the first time but they do everything different?" Giving his weird question my full attention Roel looks at me with nothing but love as he gives me an insight into his thinking. "There's no fucking way that I only have you in one lifetime, it's not enough."
The stupid fucking tears threaten to choke me and I seal my lips over his to pass the emotions building inside of me to the reason for them being there. He's a brutally sweet beautiful man who gives as good as he gets and I was always going to be powerless against falling for him.
Holding my thighs, Roel swings his legs over the edge and carries me blindly to our bedroom. He doesn't lay me on the bed but sits me on the vanity before running the bath. The injections make my muscles ache and my stomach cramps have intensified after so long on birth control they've come back with a vengeance.
Once it's filled with the correct amount of bubbles instead of overflowing like the first time, he carefully undresses me and his lips press into each part of my body that's exposed. There's extra care when he reaches the tender skin and he holds my hips while his thumbs make circles trying to soothe me.
The warm water makes me moan as it loosens the ache and Roel flattens his palms against my stomach massaging me and pulling me back to rest against his chest as my eyes close feeling content.
Turning on to my side once I'm relaxed, I don't have to wait for soft lips to press against mine. My hands map the contours of Roel's body, feeling his muscles flex under my touch as I work down his chest and then his thighs. He never stops me touching him and I know I'll always be safe with him because he's mine and I am his.