Union

66.

Roel
Making sure Maria can't run away from the truth, I work through my vocabulary picking each word carefully so she understands without any confusion. "You did nothing wrong. They were sick bastards and it's not your fault." Anger fills her as she refuses to accept it. Cutting off any argument my voice is soft but there's no hesitation. "You're not to blame, and you're not dirty angel." She thinks I don't see the way she blocks her lips from me despite the longing in her eyes. Or how she'll scrub glasses and dishware, even refuse to keep her toothbrush near mine. "Kiss me, engjëlli. Just once, let me feel your lips against mine again." They disappear immediately as she shakes her head.
Placing my lips over the spot hers should be, all I can feel is her teeth from how hard she's biting down. "You're not dirty." Pressing against the skin again she softens but doesn't let them free. "It's not your fault." Pulling up a physical barrier she hides behind the fabric of my t shirt pulling it under her nose like it will stop me from the truth. Maria doesn't wear her own clothes when she's home, seeking comfort from me anyway she can in an opposite of who she shows the world. Her eyes are locked on my lips, she wants this too but denies us both because of what them cunts did. Moving hesitantly the fabric still covering her lips I stay a statue letting my angel come out.
When she finally presses her lips against mine, that small barrier doesn't stop the triumph or me feeling her smile. It doesn't muffle her whispered pride and my chest is too small to fit my heart. "I did it." The bottom half of her face is still covered, her smile pushing over the hem and reaching her eyes for the first time. Tracing corners of it, the light is starting to brighten in her eyes and my voice is too quiet. "I'm proud of you." It's not enough to express how strong she is, how fucking amazing Maria is and that she's my only strength.
Shuffling on her knees further up my thighs, she moves back keeping that material between us. Maria never needed to be pushed before, now she does. Any reaction is fought for and I have to be louder than the voices in her head. When her nose brushes mine that final block is gone, it's too quick to stop her movements and then her lips are on mine with nothing between us. Threading our fingers together to stop her pushing me away, her lips stop moving. "It's me, angel." My plea laces between the words begging her not to stop but Maria moves back pulling me with her.
She doesn't stop moving further back until she's laid flat and her smile presses into me, not running away but being her usual stubborn ass self. Coaxing her out, she keeps smiling her lips pulling wider until they finally start fucking moving against mine. This is the reason everything if worth it, feeling her smile at an innocent act and fill with triumph. Being a witness to her strength and just having the fucking privilege of Maria being mine makes the pain worth it.
Pulling her upright, she doesn't move away from me and works her fingers through the hair at my nape so we're entwined together. "I've missed you caro mio." The chaste kiss continues and Maria relaxes breathing out her confession. "I've missed me." So have I. It wasn't living, I was watching my angel barely exist in a cycle of darkness that's not her. She's light and goodness mixed with the perfect amount of playful sin.
Moving closer to me so there's no space between our bodies we both freeze as she feels what she does to me. Opening my mouth to say anything to reassure her, Maria grinds against me and her eyes open staring into mine to make sure I'm here. Need and fear play out, one more turn of her her hips and it turns to pain pausing everything.
"I hate everything, I want to be normal again." Rage bleaches her words and the hand in my hair tightens with it coursing through her blood. Maria was never and will never be normal, she's too good. Too bewildering to be called something as menial as normal. There's no angry tears as she spits out her resentment for a world that's hurt her and the idea comes easily. My angel needs what I know, an outlet for the violence simmering under her skin. "Get ready engjëlli, we're going out." The abrupt change shocks the anger away but hesitance replaces itself on her features before she nods and goes to change. My arms are empty and cold without her but she needs this, needs everything outside of her to hurt so it matches and then she can be at peace.
I expect her to come back out in her usual armour, a dress and heels. But my angel didn't change throwing a pair of sneakers on still dressed in me she looks excited with a small smile on her face. "Are you going to wear my rings again?" The question bursts out of me as I stare at her naked finger, I'm on every part of her body but it's that bare skin taunting me. She's refused to wear the replacements I got, this time without any imperfections and I've carried them around me waiting for their owner to finally accept.
Taking her left hand while I wait for the answer she doesn't flinch when my lips press against her finger. Doubt stays in her eyes, it's not aimed at me but it hurts the same. Keeping my tone light I don't let her hand go, it's only a matter of when never if. "You want me down on one knee like I should have done years ago?" I'd get on both for her. Her laugh is more air than sound, no soft melody reaching my ears.
Looking down at my clothes covering her she shakes her head. "No, I'm supposed to be dressed glamorous with rose petals and champagne." There's no heat behind her words as she tries to be playful but regret fills me. She deserves that shit, flowers and balloons or whatever proposals are supposed to look like. Instead of being forced down the aisle by an invisible hand dressed in black. Dropping the topic for today until I can get everything I need in order, Maria's brows come together as I guide her out. Confusion doesn't leave her as we drive to our destination and neither does her hand in mine.
Kissing the back of her hand she softens into the seat and rolls her neck to look at me. A soft hum coming from her as music plays in the background, she doesn't even understand the words but I've called her engjelli enough for her to translate the meaning.
When it finishes going to the next Maria's soft voice fills the space. "Truth or dare caro mio?" Not giving a fuck about the road, I steal a look at my angel coming back to me slowly. "Truth." Sadness makes her face drop and her voice smaller. "How long were you in hospital for?" She's like a dog with a bone stuck on that one fucking thing every time she softens and the guards leave.
My answer doesn't change, it never will. "It's not important." I was there too long, the dickhead doctors keeping me under when she needed me. If I wasn't she would have been safe, they could have stitches me up and I'd have found her the same day not letting anyone take her from me.
Getting pissed at my non answer, she tries to pull away from me. "Tell me, I deserve to know." Wrong she doesn't deserve to know I fucking failed more than I already have. Changing tactics Maria relaxes and says the two words that I'll never deny. "Roel, please." There's something about hearing your name in a voice that you love, combined with it being a rare occurrence it's like a master key to who I am giving her control of me. Savouring the feeling of her hand in mine I press my apology into her skin, remorse unspoken weaving between my words. "The entire time you weren't here." Expecting her to pull away I tighten my hold but my angel moves closer kisses my shoulder.
Not letting the thoughts sit with us Maria gives her answer. "Truth." There are so many questions on the tip of my tongue but we need a reprieve from the heavy shit. Moving away from what's weighing us down, I dig for information to make my plan work. "What's your dream proposal?" Everyone who has romantic notions of marriage must have a fantasy built up on how they're asked. I never gave a fuck before Maria but she deserves every single dream she's ever had to come true and counteract against the nightmares.
Slowly, painfully slow she's coming back to me and my angel comes out fully when her finger traces my jaw and she leans further to reach my ear whispering. "Nice try, pretty boy." The smile on her face isn't wicked but strong and proud reflecting my own. Pulling into the warehouse Maria's smile is still there as she looks around with intrigue.
The other woman have been here in circumstances they shouldn't have been, and my angel has never seen the building. It was my goal to keep her unaffected by this life and protected but her cunt parents had already given her to it before she could ever find where she's destined to be at my side. Her smile gets wider as she watches me move around the car to open her door, an act I won't forget to do again.
Maria's eyes ping pong trying to see through doors and what secrets are hiding behind of them as I guide her to the place she'll put her anger. They go wide when we step into the range we created. Everything is set up and ready and eagerness has her hand twitching in mine. "Go crazy, engjelli." Coming back to me at the sound of my voice she gets a cute little crease in her chin as she twists her lips. "I don't know how to shoot."
Showing her the weapons and talking her through the stance she moves closer to me and my hands automatically go to her hips. Lining up behind her so she's not sprung back from the recoil, my lips brush her ear and she doesn't flinch relaxing against my chest. "Let it all out, put a bullet in every fucking fear that haunts you." Her hair scratches against my beard as she nods, breathes out and releases everything.
"I hate them all." Shot. "Why did it have to be me?" Shot. "They covered me in their filth." Shot. "I'm a person." Shot. "I hate my body." Shot. "Why didn't it help me?" Shot. "I wish I killed them."
There's no tears but Maria's lungs rattle from the force of her breathing as she empties the full clip, her voice getting louder above the firing with more heartache and pain. My arms move automatically like I can pull her away from the memories and move around her waist. My vengeful angel doesn't move away from me and gives me more of her weight letting me support her while she works to control her temper.
Keeping shit inside of you makes you rot, and I try to gentle my tone not wanting to push her. "You want to keep going?" The smile over her shoulder is her answer but she voices it anyway. "Take me home, husband." Pressing my lips to her neck, the only skin that's in view she relaxes holding on to my forearms and a weight is physically lifted without the shit there.