Union

88.

Maria
It's such an insignificant thing to be proud of but, when Roel cums it increases. The first touch of him in my mouth made me feel like I was me again and there's no demons chasing me as he releases. My mouth is mine again now it's been washed in him. The only thing keeping him upright is the restraints on his wrist as his cum drips down my chin.
When he's back in his body the same pride I feel is reflected back at me in the jade I love. Roel's voice is husky and deep making goosebumps rise on my skin. "You're so fucking perfect. I'm proud of you, engjëlli'm." My smile is dopey and I feel ten feet tall despite the spit and cum drying on my skin. I won't wipe it off, I chose it this time and it's like a medal.
Kissing the tip of his still twitching dick, Roel groans at the small contact. Once I'm stood in front of him he rips his arms down pulling the anchors out of the wall and I just stand wide eyes blinking at how fucking easily he got out.
Holding my chin delicately between his thumb and finger, the grin on his face is smug. "You are the only thing that controls me, not some fucking chains." Leaning into him, he brushes his nose on mine and speaks with conviction. "Everything that I am is yours. Use me however you want. I love you without beginning or end, Maria Çami, engjëlli'm."
Opening my mouth to say something, I don't know what, nothing comes out and his laugh brushes my skin. Bringing our faces together Roel traces the seam of my lips with his tongue asking for entrance he will always be given. Actions speak louder than words, my tongue might not know the choreography to make the words but it knows the routine of passing my love for him into his mouth.
His jeans and boxers are around his ankles making me laugh into his open mouth when they touch my skin reminding me. Keeping his arms around I lean back and he looks ridiculous with his shirt ripped down the middle hanging loosely on his shoulder. The laugh dies when he strokes my lips and stares at my mouth breathing out his love. "The best sound I've ever heard."
Jumping up he catches me easily and I wrap my legs around his waist as I brush the material off his shoulders. I can feel Roel's thighs move as he gets rid of the material weighing down his ankles and I lean back feeling like I'm floating.
The weightlessness of this same position in the sea is nothing compared to the mental weightlessness I feel now. Holding Roel's shoulders he supports me with one hand on my lower back and the other on my nape so I don't fall. The confession is quiet but filled with happy tears. "I done it, I feel like me again." Lips press in the centre of my chest softly until my husbands beautiful face is in view.
We have matching smiles and the emotion clouding my eyes flows down the side of my temples. Bringing me upright he fills with anger but rests his forehead against mine gently, his voice carrying the same care. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" I can't speak because I feel joyous and I don't know how to explain why that's translated to tears. Shaking my head while I wait for the right words to make themselves known he sits back against the bed and holds me while we wait.
Kissing his shoulder I lay my head against the spot and trace the wings on his neck as I let my unrestrained thoughts filter out. "I promised to try because I never thought I'd be me again, I didn't want to break both of our hearts by promising something we wouldn't have." He holds me tighter at my confession and Roel strokes my back, his fingers flexing as he brushes over the raised skin in the middle until they soften between my shoulder blades.
Kissing my temple, he threads his fingers through mine and speaks so quietly it's barely audible. "This right here is all I need, everything else is extra." Turning to look at me a filthy smile lifts his lips as he adds. "It's an amazing extra but, I'd survive without it. I couldn't survive without you."
We move slowly this time, there's heat behind our lips movements but the emotion means more. Straddling his thighs I don't hesitate moving closer and Roel sucks in a breath straight from my lungs at the feel of him between my thighs for the first time in too long. When he tries to break away to ask the question that's loud in the silent room I nod not wanting to break the connection of our lips.
Society places so much importance and pressure on virginity. Teenagers and adults alike worrying over the status but this is more valuable than the first time I ever had sex. This is both of us coming home together and a true milestone rather than an act we just want over to have bragging rights or a feeling of accomplishment.
Turning me on my back Roel gently places me in the middle of the bed and I hold him tighter, not out of fear but need. I'm already sensitive and swollen from how many times I climaxed earlier and I probably won't be able to again but, I want this. I want my husbands body on mine and for him to claim the act back for himself like it was before.
Resting his forehead on mine, he doesn't position his dick at my entrance and tilts his hips back as he asks. "Who am I?" My smile is genuine but a little sadness lingers at the edges of it. Giving us what we both need I don't think about my answer. "My husband, Roel Çami, caro mio."
The fear let's him go and the first swipe of his dick through my slit is too light but I moan at the feeling. "Tell me I'm yours." I don't need the claim to ground me but I want it to feed the desire to be wholly and utterly Roel's. Kissing each of my cheeks, nose, eyes, forehead and coming back to my lips he satiates my desire. "You are mine, Maria Çami, engjëlli'm." His lips aren't bruising or filled with lust and he doesn't let me deepen the kiss. Speaking against my pouting mouth Roel, strokes my cheek with his thumb as he lines up at my entrance and looks between my eyes. "Only ever mine." I nod as he pushes in and stay locked on the protective jade, this isn't an intrusion it's rewriting everything.

Until it isn't.
And the demons come back making my eyes close.
It's not Roel.

I'm back in the stone cellar in Salerno.
It's not one pair of hands on me.
There are multiple that don't belong.
The sweat on my body wasn't worked up from love.
It's not the only liquid there.

My muscles lock up and the good feeling my mind created is fractured letting the bullshit back. There's no physical pressure between my thighs but I can feel the memories of it and a choked sound fills the air as my bones hurt under the pressure of my muscles contracting.
Something wet drops on my cheek and I flinch violently wanting it off. There's no sound through the fog and the loud voices of the past are laughing. I can hear the taunts getting louder until it's like they're screaming in my head.

You should have seen that pretty face of his with lifeless eyes, Bella.
He didn't even fight back.
Just like you right now.
He accepted what we done.
Just. Like. You.

My eyeballs hurt from how hard I'm closing my eyes and spots dance in the abyss as I try to focus on what always calmed me. Jade eyes, dark blonde hair, sharp cheekbones and angel wings on his neck look back at me with love.
But the voices get louder, the jade eyes I love aren't filled with life and dull. His dark blonde hair is a murky red. Sharp cheekbones aren't from his bone structure but due to his soul not holding the skin off his features and the angel wings don't move with his breathing.
Something is making me move, my body doesn't fight it like always and I wait for the metal to wrap around my ankles. My legs aren't pushed apart, instead held together and I'm cocooned in warmth on hard muscle.

When the fog clears I don't know how long I've been trying to get out of it. My eyes burn and my cheeks hurt from how hard I was tending them to keep my lids closed. There's a soft tear filled voice trying to convince us both. "I've got you engjëlli, it's ok. I've got you." I'm being rocked and my tears flow, my body convulsing from the force as Roel holds me tighter.
Kissing my crown he tries to soothe me. "Shhh it's ok." Holding me tighter, I'm wrapped in his body protectively and he strokes my back and whispers. "I've got you. You're safe." My tears don't stop and my hold must be choking him but he keeps comforting me. "I won't let anyone get near you. I promise."
I'm breaking again and I know I need to do something but I can't remember what it is. The fog wasn't just thick enough to lose reality but it took parts of me with it. The parts I needed to get through it aren't in reach because it's shook it all and rearranged the tools I kept stored in my brain.
When my breathing calms Roel's is still erratic, his heart is pounding so hard I think it's going to beat out of his chest. He's still whispering his promise I'll be ok and when I look up his eyes are red rimmed. "I'm so fucking sorry." His guilt poisons the air because it's misplaced, he didn't do anything wrong.
Giving him the only thing I have that's not been tainted by the memories, he relaxes slightly. "I love you, without beginning or end." It's not enough and his heart is still racing. I've seen how he trains, for years I heard about Roel leaving the cage in relay matches with easy swagger. But his heart is overworking and I can't soothe him.
Cupping his cheek I rest my forehead against his temple and try to implant my apology without saying the words. "Can we go home please?" He nods but neither of us move. I hate this, I hate everything. We were good again, I was mine and Roel's again. But the shit in my head keeps dragging me back. I just want it to go, I don't want to have to keep alert in fear of it always fucking coming back. I don't want our memories ruined anymore.
Getting us both dressed, Roel doesn't put my shoes on and picks me up. I'm about to protest when he kisses my shoulder and whispers. "I need to hold you, please let me." Any argument I had dies at his plea and I wrap my legs around his waist before he can position me sideways. It takes him by surprise but I'm safe now I'm out of the fog. Burying my face in Roel's hoodie, I focus on the smell of him filling my senses rather than anyone we might pass. He's got his devil mask on as per the rules but I'm hiding in the crook of his neck without mine. He doesn't let me go even in the car, keeping me attached to him with the seat belt going over my back and my nose in his neck he drives slower and takes the turns with more care than usual.