Union

77.

Maria
Nervous anticipation swirls around me as I watch the clock. It's 10:01am, Roel would have been here exactly one minute ago. He's never late, always arriving at exactly the moment the clock strikes 10 but not today.
Today he'll be stopped from entering and as if on cue, there's a commotion behind the doors sealing him away from me. He'll accept this, he'll see why I'm doing this and that it's breaking us both because it's for the best.

10:47am the shouts don't stop.

11:54am there's a bigger struggle, more people getting involved and then silence.

12:03pm and the doors open.

I don't expect any visitors but my smile is genuine as Amber and Eden make their way to me. They don't look at me with pity, an undercurrent of sadness on their features but no pity and I relax. Eden is more curious looking around in appreciation at the high spec but Amber has a soft smile on her face and awe reflecting back at me.
After dealing with her own shit, my respect of her strength grows at how she managed to stay away from Alto for so many months. I'm forced from my heart with the doors keeping me in and I couldn't do it without them. The conversation is easy, all of us ignoring the room we're sat in as they speak as though it's a normal day and I'm still me.
It's funny the things I crave, I don't want to be the person who had this shit happen to them. I'm not Maria who got kidnapped and violated. I'm Maria they tell funny stories too, who they can joke with and talk about the crazy shit going on in their lives.
Eden goes to the bathroom and Amber moves closer to me. Keeping her voice low despite no one being near us she nudges my shoulder and fills with pride. "You're really strong and I got you something." Her word choice doesn't escape my notice. I'm not brave but strong. Words that could be interchangeable but hold different meanings, bravado can be falsified. Strength is an inner quality that you possess.
Holding a nondescript black box out to me, I take it. My magpie heart doesn't sing for the usual reasons as I uncover the jade bangle that remind me of Roel's eyes. Explaining the gift, Amber keeps her voice the same low gentle lilt. "You wear it on your left arm so it's closer to your heart and it's supposed to bring good luck."
All the memories of the comfort of jade eyes has my smile widening and my fingers rushing to fit it over my hand. Looking up once it's in place she mirrors my smile and wraps her arms around me. "We all love you and I know it's hard but, I promise you can do it." Emotion clogs my throat as she whispers knowingly and my hold tightens. Trying to reassure us both my words hold little conviction but so much longing. "I'll be home soon."
Amber nods against me and loosens her hold as she sits back and Eden comes to my other side copying her. "I love you sweetheart." Returning her words she kisses my cheek and they both walk out now that the visiting times are over. I don't move watching as the doors swing and my eyes track their movements until I see Roel's car parked besides Alto's.

Roel
She's sending me the fuck away, shutting me out after everything. I refuse to fucking move, the cunts can try and fucking escort me away but I'll stay here to make sure she's safe. Alto dragged me away and stays like a fucking gargoyle at my side, he doesn't comment or twitch at my pacing or acknowledge the violence polluting the air. Just fucking leans against the car waiting for me to do whatever the fuck I need to.
It was a trait I admired, his iron control and easy acceptance at life. Now I fucking hate it, I hate how the world keeps fucking spinning allowing more time to pass while my life is away from me. It's wrong, the sun should protest it's rise, the earth should fucking refuse to orbit in solidarity with me. Every fucking thing should stop to acknowledge that's what has happened to me. I'm between states, not living and not dying because I don't know how my angel is.
My limbs feel heavy dragging me to stand beside him as I stay fixed on the doors and for one of the cunts in there to tell me they got it wrong. It doesn't happen and Alto speaks calmly reminding me he's there. "You have to give her the space to be who she needs to be." Seeing my murderous intent he hardens and speaks from his own experience. "It's hard as fuck, kid. But if you take that choice away from her who is she going to be?" My body deflates and he keeps going and I don't have an argument. "Dhuroji asaj që dashuron, krahë për të fluturuar, rrënjë për ty kthyer, motive për të qëndruar." Maria walked into my life with the wings already fixed onto her back, the saying is wrong. I didn't give them to her, she had them all along. He doesn't try and add anything else already sensing his words have permeated my skull, for now.
The usually reserved cyborg flickers to a full human when Amber comes down the steps with Eden following her. Their steps aren't rushed but they have unshed tears making me come alert, I don't give a fuck if they're upset and my question flies out needing to calm myself. "What happened to Maria?" I'm already moving ready to plow through whichever prick thinks they can stop me when Eden's voice comes out steady with no hint of a lie. "Nothing, it's just a really fucked situation."
Amber moves around her holding out an envelope with a small smile. My brain stops working even as she speaks not making sense of her words. "Maria asked me to give this to you." Staring between her face and the pristine envelope dumbly I don't take it. My wife has tried to give me papers on two occasions; serving me with a divorce and her fucking note. A third time isn't something I will fucking accept.
Her hand falls and she looks to her husband for help, Alto stands between his niece and wife before gesturing for them to get in the car. Eden doesn't leave straight away and wraps her arms around my middle but I can't return it. My arms stay limp at my sides because the contents of that fucking envelope is something I want to know and refuse to.
They both leave and Alto steps forward pushing that stupid fucking envelope into my chest, it's not harsh but soft and wrong like his fucking voice. "Take it, kid. She's trying to talk to you." Standing halfway between going to my wife and sitting sentry to wait for her, I hold the parting words she's trying to deliver as they leave.