Union

67.

Maria
I'm lighter and my cheeks hurt from being accustomed to the dullness for so many months. Roel doesn't let go of me, his hand either in mine or on my face until he lets me go so I can lay down. I did it, his lips touched mine and he didn't push me away. There was nothing bitter or disgusting in the act, it was sweet and filled with love like it should be.
Needing to feel it again, I shuffle closer and he laughs knowingly pulling me to lay across his chest. When our lips touch everything feels right, I'm not being punished with the worlds most attractive person as my husband I'm being rewarded by him as Roel gently moves.
Tracing the seam of his lips with my tongue he doesn't open up for me making my need grow. I want him, need like I've never felt before coursing through me the longer he refuses. It turns to insecurity cooling my heated blood and Roel tightens his arms around me knowing I'm planning my escape.
Sensing my thoughts, he speaks gently trying out me at ease. "I want you Angel, I'll never not want you. But we're not ready yet. Not tonight ok?" His choice of we instead of putting it on me makes me soften and I make up for lost time peppering every inch of his skin I can reach with lips. Reaching his ear, I push all the jealousy over a time I had no right to claim him away. "I don't want you to touch anyone else again." It doesn't work costing my tongue with acid, the thought of Roel touching anyone that isn't me burns. Even though I screamed in his face telling him I don't want him, it wasn't true and I hate anyone who got remotely close to him.
Turning me so I'm on my back, he doesn't position himself between my legs kneeling beside my thighs instead hurt and anger war in the jade I love. "The only person I want is you. I have never and will never betray you." Seeing my reluctance to believe the conviction in his tone Roel shakes his head and reaches across me grabbing his phone. "It's you in body or in my mind, never anyone else." The confusing explanation doesn't help until he shows me what he means and the video of us on the floor below is on his screen. "Only every you, Maria Çami." My lip curls up in disgust hearing my name and his laugh brushes my cheek.
My ears are used to being addressed as angel or engjelli, hearing Roel say my name sounds wrong after so long. Moving across my cheek with his lips he goes to put his phone back but my hand wraps around the device wanting to see. We never watched the full thing, only enough to prove he didn't hurt me and lust comes back remembering only the feeling of Roel's hands on my body.
My voice is hard making Roel's brows go up with his smirk. "I want to watch it." Repositioning us so I'm sat between his thighs, he taps away until it's playing on the tv opposite us. No sound comes through and I'm distracted by his lips moving against my neck. "You're so fucking beautiful, not just the outside but everything about you wrecks me." My lids droop when he sucks the skin between his teeth. "Open your eyes angel, look how good we are together." Slowly blinking to witness what I remember, Roel keeps moving across my neck and I tilt my head giving him more access.
Sex tapes are supposed to be carnal and shaky, this looks like art. Everything from the low lighting to the ropes that look invisible and darkened glass blending into the night sky is cinematic. The admiration of what he created leaves me on a breath. "It's beautiful." Roel smiles into my skin, his palm flattening against my stomach as he stretches his fingers out and holds as much of me as possible. "We'll make it better next time."
He says it so easily and I'm normal again, not broken or weak. Not letting the thoughts pull me away Roel keeps coaxing me back with his lips and his tongue. "You need to cum angel?" When I don't answer his voice goes deeper and his hand flexes against me pulling me closer. "You're shaking with it, squeezing your thighs together because you know how good we are." My moan leaves me and Roel smiles nipping at where my neck and shoulder join.
Working his hand slowly to my arm, he moves down until his fingers wrap around my wrist and lust coats my begging. "Make me fall again." Shaking his head, his beard scratches my skin making my moan come back. "I'm going to watch you." Pulling out my neck until his lips touch my ear, Roel slowly guides my hand below his on my stomach. "Touch yourself, play with that pretty pussy and know I'm here watching you, only ever you."
My hands move automatically knowing what to do with Roel keeping me safe and I hold his thigh grounding myself as I move under the waistband of his sweats I've stolen. "That's it angel, you're doing so good." Pushing the t shirt over my shoulder he kisses my shoulder whispering his praise into my skin. "Keep going, I'm here." I need to see him not the artistic display and roll my neck so we're face to face. Jade eyes look at me with proud lust and a wide smile.
It's the sight of Roel that has me moving faster and the first brush of my fingers has my mouth opening, no sound leaves as he eats it straight from my voice box. Stroking his tongue against mine, Roel cups my cheek and softly brushes his thumb over my skin. "Good girl, you're doing such a good job playing my pussy." My finger speeds up and I need more. "Tell me I'm yours caro mio." I need his words to stop any other claim on me.
Resting our foreheads together Roel doesn't blink giving me what I need. "You're mine, only mine. I love you, Maria Çami, my wife, my everything, engjëlli'm." His lips pepper mine between each declaration pulling me closer but not to the edge I'm going to fall off. "Your body is mine," A hand moves over my chest until I covers the full expanse of my breastbone. "Your heart is mine, fall for me."
Closing the distance between our lips my fingers speed up as I eat from Roel's mouth. His tongue passing love to me that's so potent there's no space for anything else and he holds me as I fall.
I'm not in my body anymore achieving everything I've wanted there's no memories trying to pull me down only a loving whisper brushing against my cheek and arms keeping me anchored. "I'm so fucking proud of you." Coaxing me back Roel keeps peppering my cheek with his love until I float down into a body that feels like mine.
The release it cathartic, not just releasing my desire that's been building but every other emotion I've tried to hide. His thumb stays brushing my cheekbone softly as he looks in a triangle between my eyes and smile. "Thank you for everything you've done for me." Shock makes him move back at my whispered gratitude. "I love you, and I'll try so we can be better again." The softness in his sigh as he slowly closes his eyes and kisses my forehead strengthens my resolve.
I want Roel, I need him and if being uncomfortable gets us back I'll do it. "I'll be with you Angel, you're never going to be alone." He doesn't even realise that he has been, that he's my person. The only one I trust to let all of my ugly parts show in front of.

Roel
Maria doesn't add anything after agreeing to speak to Dr Haigh, some therapist that specialises in what she needs. She's met him briefly which makes it easier and her steps are lighter as she moves off the bed to clean up. Everything in me is relaxed, a corner being turned and at the end of the winding roads my angel will be safe.
Willing my dick to go down she steps out of the bathroom and her smile is back making it harder. The only fucking reprieve I get is when she leaves the room to get a glass of water. Watching my wife leave is a beautiful view when I know she's coming back.
A cold shower, ice cold, that'll fix it and we won't be uncomfortable all night. Running the water on the coldest setting, red catches my attention pulling me closer to it. It's weird as fuck to be digging through trash but my gut knows there's something wrong and intuition keeps me moving.
When I see what it is, the cold water isn't fucking needed anymore. Bloody panties that she tried to hide. I know my fucking wife. She doesn't get periods and she wouldn't hide them trying to fucking bury it. After my deep research into birth control and knowing her body more than my own, my heart breaks at what she's doing.
Soft footsteps move behind the door until the sheets rustle and she gets in bed like she isn't fucking hurt. My steps are like cement blocks thudding under the weight of realisation that I've been too fucking blind to see. Taking the evidence with me Maria freezes despite not being able to see what's in my hand. "Are you on your period?" Say yes, say your body has changed and you don't just get cramps for two days anymore. Say anything to tell me I'm fucking wrong.
Her face falls, eyes wide searching for a lie in the room. Working around a swallow, her voice doesn't come out and she nods once full of shit and tries to shut me out again. My voice is brutal stopping her mid turn as she tries to turn her back to me. "Don't you fucking dare hide from me, or lie to me." Moving until I'm stood at her side, I lower so I'm not hovering over her and soften my voice. "Tell me the truth."
Looking anywhere but at my face disgust contorts her face when she looks at what's in my hand. If she thinks any part of her body is off limits to me she's fucking deluded, I'd wipe her ass with a smile on my face. "Let me see Angel, I won't touch you." Her eyes snap up without fear but shame filling her. "Don't make me do it myself." The hidden truth is loud with vulnerability lacing my words together, begging her to be honest or I'll fucking force the truth out.
Realising I won't give up, she shuts her eyes but only to strengthen herself not hide from me. "I needed it off me." Her hands go to the waistband of the sweats slowly peeling them down but I don't look away from her face until she opens her eyes and nods. Angry red deep scratches coat her inner thighs moving up, my throat burning from the pain she must be in but there's none of it on her face. "I just needed to be clean again." Pulling the sweats back up to cover her, my lungs fucking burn at the deep belief in her voice. My angel is pure and good but she doesn't know it. I haven't seen her naked body, always covered in clothes that don't fit like they used to it hides how thin she still is. Maria's hip bone produces beyond what would ever be healthy despite her starting to eat again.
Pressing my lips to her hand in apology she closes her eyes again. "Promise me you won't do that again. Promise me you won't hurt yourself and you'll let me take care of you." No tears but the emotion is there in her deep blues sinking us as the waves crash higher. "I promise to try."