The Tale of Love & Racing: Sarina's Story

Chapter 3: "I feel every part of me just ripped apart"

January 1, 2018 – Carolina's Medical Center – Charlotte, North Carolina

"Oh man..." Sarina lets out as her eyes open, causing Chase to immediately glance at her. There was no way he was going to let her suffer any pain, let alone by herself. 

"Easy," he says quietly, rubbing her shoulders as she glances up at him. She wasn't about to complain about the sight before her at all. She could wake up to this sight any day of the week. "Good morning."

"Hey. You didn't move at all last night..." He shakes his head no as he gives her a kiss on the forehead. Was it really a surprise, considering how much he cared about her? 

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, other than with my arms wrapped around you. Are you okay?" She then takes a deep breath and glances out the window. There were so many things that clouded her mind all at once, that she didn't know where to begin with her answer for him. 

"I'm still sore. You know, I dreamed that I woke up and last night was just a dream. I still can't believe what happened. I still can't believe what the doctor told me. I just don't know what to do, Chase." She then glances down at her hands, which were wrapped around her stomach, with his arms wrapped around her on top. It had been a position they had both maintained since the night before. "I've always been in control of everything in my life. Even when I was running from it, I was in control making those decisions. I knew what was at bay. But damn, I feel like the rug has just been pulled out."

"Like Samantha said, it's not your fault as it happens. You do a great job taking care of yourself, and it's not your fault that you didn't realize you were pregnant, or you went through this." She nods her head, accepting. There wasn't any thing she could do to change the past, so she might as well focus on the future. 

"But now what? What do we do now?" He wasn't sure of those answers himself, still feeling lost in what to do as his focus was solely just on how she was feeling and taking care of her.

"The first step is to get out of here, and the second step is to focus on getting you feeling better. I don't care about the rest – as long as you're okay; that's my priority right now." He then takes a deep breath, remembering Samantha's other piece of advice. Given her experience, it probably wouldn't hurt to utilize it. "Then it is up to us to make decisions."

"Like, whether we want kids or not? Chase, you don't realize. I haven't even got a chance to think about my future because I've been focused on one goal alone and that's making it to where I am. And now I am supposed to glance at that and ask myself what I want more?" He takes a careful deep breath, knowing the discussion wasn't going to be easy no way they went about it. 

"I understand because I've been in your shoes and know what that feels like. I'm not asking for you to give it up or debate what you want more. I mean, if we have this discussion and decide to focus on what we have now and maybe talk about kids say two or three years ahead, then that's fine. No matter how the conversation goes, I will love you and support yo-"

"Even if I go against what you're deepest desires are?" He knew she was testing him out of her own fear, but he had to remain strong. The focus had to be solely on her, and her well-being right now. The rest could wait until later. 

"I don't even know what I want, to be honest. Hence why I brought up the conversation at the right time. But, I know that whatever we both want, we can find a way to compromise. We're a team; we will always stick together." She smiles, realizing that meant more to her to hear than she could've probably thought at first.

"And oh yeah, we'll probably have to discuss intercourse and whether we should or not. I don't want to get pregnant by accident again." He nods his head, accepting, also wanting to avoid that situation.