falling - the sequel

I'll be there for you

I try not to think about the stupid text I received on my way home from work, just minutes ago. I am not sure why I think its stupid. I am pretty sure that deep down I don't even think it's stupid. But it's easier to pretend that it is. I open and read it again. Which makes me smile again and makes my stomach tie up in a knot again.

When I lock myself in, Char is at our apartment. She has a key so she lets herself in from time to time. After the dorm she moved in with us for a few months until she and Ed found out they couldn't live together as they had just broken up for the fifth time. So she moved to an apartment of her own but is a frequent guest at our place as she gets bored alone. Plus she and Ed are in a good place at the moment. That she is a psychologist by profession blows my mind every day, as she can't get her own life straight for a nanosecond. 

C: What are you grinning about? - she plops down on the sofa

J: Hii

C: Hello... what are you grinning about? Is it Hero?

J: I... how... - I am lost for words... How does she do that?

C: For real? What did he say? - she smiles now

I take a breather, contemplating if I want to tell her because it will lead to a full on pshycology lesson... and I don't know if I want that now. At the same time, I can't hide anything from her, clearly. She reads my face like no one else.

I sit down on the sofa after taking of my blazer and shoes in the hallway. I turn to face her, my feet tucked under me. 

J: He just texted

C: What did he say?

J: He is in city for the weekend, and wants to hang out? 

Her eyebrows shoot up followed by a mischievous smile

C: And? – asks suspicious

"I haven't replied yet" - I say as I shrug my shoulders

She nods carefully and just stares silently at me

J: What?

C: Let me ask you something... Did you get everything you wanted out of him?

What a strange question I think to myself and swallow the lump that had quickly formed in my throat.

J: I dont know how to answer that... 

She nods and waits patiently 

J: I mean we were together for so long and it was great, really really great... until it wasn't in the end. If I got everything out of him? I dont know. I dont even know in which way. We were so good together and at the engagement party I was reminded of that. We didnt talk or hang out that much, but I still felt it. It wasn't the all over the place emotions, but the subtle calm I felt with just being in his presence. It was easy. I dont know... its hard to explain.

She nods: "And now?"

J: Nothing... now is five years later, he has a life of his own and I heard him say I love you to someone on the phone at the engagement party

C: But she wasn't there at the party? 

J: No, no he was solo. 

C: So it could have been anyone... it could have been his mother?

J: I dont know. I guess it could. But I dont think so he doesn't say I love you to Martha like that 

She nods

J: It's just that...

C: Yes?

I shoot her a glare and smile, she smiles back, raising up to sit and crosses her hands in front of her

J: Well doctor Eriksen,

She pretends to have glassed and adjusts them. I laugh at her

J: It's just that... It was like he wanted to pry into me as much as I wanted to pry into him. Like five years hadn't passed, like just a few days had passed. Like we were again at the same place. With our minds you know. Its hard to explain as it feels like a telepathic thing between us. I know I might be reading too much into it but, the smiles, the looks, the wanting to spend Sunday together after the party, the text for beer now... It's just... it feels like before, when we met...  or maybe I am just wishing things here

C: What are you wishing for?

J: I dont know. It was so nice being in someones focus, and not just anyone... in his focus. Because that was safe. And that I know. And that was special in such a good and nice way. And that I am still so freaking attracted to. Aaaahh - I say covering my face with my hands, embarrassed. 

I look through my fingers after a second and see her wide smile

C: Well... I am going to prescribe you something for that... just a sec miss Langford

I put my hands down and smile while raising my eyebrows in amusement as she finds a pen and paper and hands it to me when finished

I read the paper

"Text him back" - reads the paper. It makes me smile and shake my head. I look at her

C: Seriously, you clearly still feel something for him... that he is making you feel safe, well thats not so strange with your history - we share a look before she continues - just text him back and take it from there. It might be that you'll be fulfilled by just grabbing a beer with him. That that will be enough. Until you meet a handsome bloke who will sweep you of your feet and you'll forget all about London boy.

I laugh at the nickname Ed&Nate have assigned him

C: From my standpoint, I guess I don't see that anything bad can come from this.

J: I can fall for him again

C: Well... we'll cross that bridge when we get there, Mon Cherie. Again.