Traveler - Avengers Soulmate

Just A Minor Freak Out

I wanted so badly to run away. Really, truly badly. But something was keeping me from doing so. Whether it was the vulnerability in his eyes or knowing that he knew.

He knew.

I could lie, but what was the point? I had been lying for so long, but apparently horribly. What were all of my efforts even for?

No, I was sure that Tony, Steve and Bucky didn't know. So, how did Loki know?

Dumbass question. Of course he knew, the man knew magic better than I did and we had connected in his mind. My barriers were down when we first met, they had to be for me to get in and break the spell keeping him trapped in his own mind.

So he had probably known all along. Why was he only asking me now?

"I do," I finally said, "I do have soulmates."

He didn't look surprised at all, "Where are your soulmarks then?"

I glared at him not liking how he was dancing around the subject, "Loki, you know. You know. Just ask me what you want to ask me."

He reached out as if to touch me, but I pulled away. I did not want to be comforted right now, anger was much better.

"Are we your soulmates?" He finally asked. I just laughed emptily at that.

"That's not the question you should be asking." I told him. He just looked sad at that, a little heartbroken.

"Why hide it?" There it was, that was the real question, "I've been giving you time, trying to understand, but I can't. At first I thought it was because your kind didn't have soulmates. But the more I researched I only found that there has never been a race without soulmates. Then I thought it was because you didn't know us. But now you do, you know us. Why keep hiding, Aliana?"

I shook my head and felt the stinging in my eyes but refused to let my tears fall, "You wouldn't understand."

At that Loki's eyebrows furrowed and his lips twisted in anger, "Then make me understand! I have been lying to my soulmates for almost three years now! Every time they talk about our last soulmate, I keep quiet. Every time they mention how much they love you, I say nothing. I have been protecting you out of loyalty and respect for all you do for us, for how you saved us. But I can't do it anymore Aliana."

I stood up halfway through his speech and started pacing. By the end of it, Loki had gotten up and walked over to me, reaching out a hand, "Give me a reason to keep protecting you. Why should I have to lie to my own soulmates, to your soulmates?"

Not being able to help it, a tear fell from my eye leaving a cold trail down my cheek, "Everything I have ever done is for you. For all of you. I have lied, fought and done horrible things to keep you all safe." Loki didn't say anything, just let me continue to ramble and say all my pent up emotions, "I have left behind everything I know to save all of you! I have powers you know? Really fucking cool powers. I could be living a life of luxury with people at my beck and call if I wished! But am I? No. Instead I'm out here risking my life and breaking my own heart everyday for you." My hands were waving everywhere, my vision blurred. At this point I didn't even know what I was saying.

"I don't like danger, I'm afraid of pain, I hate exercise. But I'm out here fighting secret organizations with the worst fucking logo in history to try to save the fucking world! Who even thought a fucking octopus was a fucking good idea for a logo design?" My breathing was coming out heavy now, I was on the verge of freaking out. Or maybe I was freaking out, I couldn't even tell anymore, "And all this time I have been doing all of this, fighting a secret war with a goddamned purple fucking alien like something out of a bad 80's anime because that's just what my life is now."