Traveler - Avengers Soulmate

Mindscape

It had been a week since we had saved Bucky from Hydra.

The first day was the hardest. When I went into his mindscape, I couldn't even find him. There was just the aftermath of a war, the space dark and cluttered looking like a fucked up version of wonderland. Buildings were in ruins, the sky dark rumbling with thunder and lightning though rain never fell. I reached out my hand and grasped a floating picture frame. There were three people in the picture, though they were all missing faces like something straight out of a horror movie.

Other things were floating around, as if gravity had no effect here. As I walked through, I noticed just how many bodies were lying around clothed from different time periods, all of them faceless. Once two children ran past me laughing, a kite behind them. I could see their smiles, but they had no eyes or noses.

His mind terrified me.

* * *

After days of this, I finally made a breakthrough when I found a newspaper seller that handed me a paper that said:

STARK EXPO TONIGHT!

I got kicked right out of his mind when I read that and came back to Wade holding Bucky down as he stood above me, breathing heavily and shaking. He had pushed me away and though it was a more violent reaction than I hoped for- it was a beginning.

Afterwards I tried talking to Bucky, but he wouldn't respond. He tried to escape so Wade knocked him out, threw him over his shoulder and handcuffed him to the bed with a plate of food beside him.

The next couple of sessions went the sameway, he would react violently and try to escape, yelling something or the other in Russian. We would always knock him out and leave food beside him. It was the best way to get him to calm down honestly, as the Winter Soldier wasn't exactly well known for his verbal skills.

Then one day it happened. It was the second week after we had started and I was walking around his mindscape as I had done many times before. Eventually, I came across what looked like an abandoned warehouse and made my way in. There I found an old man in a science coat reading from a leather bound book.

His voice was gnarled and resounded throughout the space. Желание. Ржавый. Семнадцать. Рассвет. Печь. Девять. Добросердечный. Возвращение на Родину. Один. Товарный вагон.

Somehow I knew. I knew what that meant.

Longing, rusted, furnace, daybreak, seventeen, benign, nine, homecoming, one, freight car. Bucky's activation words. Then there were flashes- a train, snow, yelling, blood, metal, the faces of people I just knew were dead floating over me.

When I came out of that session I fell to the ground, my head pounding in pain and I threw up. Looking up I saw Bucky sitting on the chair completely still, tears rolling down his face and he spoke the first words in his entire time with us.

"Who am I?"

* * *

After that horrible memory Bucky had seemed to make a breakthrough. He was starting to speak more, though more than anything else he would sit by the window and stare outside for hours. He no longer tried to escape, instead he spent the nights watching movies that Wade had bought on an old DVD player. Sometimes he would read, just sitting on the couch for hours with a book.

I gave him a journal I had brought with me, specifically for this purpose. Journaling was a great way of getting his thoughts down without having to speak to anyone, since he was keeping his silence. Though he was a great lister when I talked and made great company when I just wanted to sit in silence. I liked to think he enjoyed my company too.

I once asked him what he saw during the time I was going through his mind, trying to find memories.

"I see flashes." He had said, "It's like there was nothing there and suddenly there is. I remember things, sometimes sounds or smells or the voice of someone. Nothing makes sense, not truly, but things are slowly coming back to me."

I figured that the more I explore his mind, the more I can bring memories back to him. But I had to do it slowly, making sure I didn't mess anything up more. However, the memories I found more than any other were memories from his time in Hydra. Random things would trigger it, like me looking at a floating gun or running into one of the victims he had killed.

It took one whole month before I figured I had gone through most of those horrible memories. It was exhausting, we would wake up, eat and have a session. Afterwards he would write in his journal or listen to me talk about how what we had seen wasn't his fault. Sometimes we would go on walks. Then we had lunch and then another session. The same thing would repeat and then we had dinner.

Everyday was the same. Until one day I walked into what I thought was a store and there in front of me was Bucky getting his arm cut off. He was strapped down to a table, a mouthguard in place blocking his screams. He trashed, blood flowing from where the scientist removed his arm. As he moved he made eye contact with me, tears rolling down his face.

That day I took off from all other sessions and spent the whole day on the couch watching romcoms and crying. Watching Bucky scream as they tortured him was an indescribeable feeling. My heart hurt, my body felt heavy and for some reason I blamed myself. For not saving him, for not coming to this world sooner to stop his fate.

Bucky just sat next to me in silence, but I gave him the fluffiest blanket we had and his favorite Rocky Road ice cream.

The memories were horrible, disgusting and painful, but I knew that I was getting closer to finding his happy memories. I knew I could find his time as James Buchanan Barnes and remind him who he was.

I always reminded him that he didn't have to be who he had been, but I knew that he wanted his memories back. He wanted to know who he was and by that point I just wanted to give him everything he wanted. The man deserved it.

"You're in looove"

"Shut up Deadpool."

* * *

Three weeks after the incident where I saw Bucky getting his arm cut off, I found myself wondering through what seemed to be old New York in Bucky's mind. Then I came across a cute little townhouse and realized that I was in front of his childhood home.

There was yelling coming from an alleyway, which I went to check out. I saw a group of three guys beating up what looked to be a 12 year old kid. I wasn't sure why I felt the need to help the kid, Bucky's mind was a dangerous place and anything could trigger a memory. But I decided to intervene anyway.

"What do you think you're doing?" I yelled out and grabbed a floating rock, throwing it at them. When they screamed and ran away, I went up to the kid who was standing up and wiping a bloody nose.

That was when I realized I was looking into shocking blue eyes with ridiculously long lashes. Even in a faded memory he looked like a fighter with a nose that has obviously been broken before.

I was staring at pre-serum Steve Rogers. Bucky remembered Steve, or at least some part of his mind did.

"Steve," I breathed out, not having time to say anything else before finding myself back in the living room.

* * *

That night Wade and I drank as Bucky slept, celebrating my breakthrough.

"I saw Steve!" I whisper-yelled to the cheers of Wade.

"You saw Steve!" He cheered with me.

I smiled, "I'm close Wade, I can feel it."

"I mean it's been two months and you've been wandering through fucked up wonderland," I glared at him and he stuttered, "But this is a real breakthrough. I mean, Bucky saw his soulmate!"