Why me? | 1D & 5SOS |

Chapter 36

Due to recent events between Zayn and Louis... I have decided, despite the fact that I got a ton of messages to leave Zayn in the story, I am going to write that he leaves the band. I am sorry to the people who wanted him to stay in the story but I don't want him in it anymore. So it'll happen probably in the next 2 or 3 chapters, so brace yourselves because all the emotions of that day will be returning.. well they will for me anyways ....

ok well on with the story

-Er xx

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It has been 3 days. 3 whole days of Niall avoiding me. 3 whole days since Niall told me he loved me, but not our usual "I love you" that we say to each other since before I can remember.

No, not this time.

This time, Im pretty sure he means, in primary school terms, that he 'like likes' me.

*FASHBACK*

"Its not your fault, don't blame yourself, please" I begged and looking up at him. His blue orbs found my green ones, "Your making this so hard" He whispered barely audible. "Im making what hard?" I questioned.

"For me to stop loving you"

I sat up quickly, "What?" I almost whispered. "I-I... I have to go, I'm sorry" Niall rushed out the door without even looking back at me. I didn't go after him, I just sat there, on my new couch staring straight ahead of me. Thinking, 'what..just happened?'. I pulled myself out of me trance and grabbed my phone. I quickly dialed Niall's number but it just went straight to voicemail. "Damn you Niall" I said hanging up on the annoying women's voice telling me to "record your message after the beep". What was I even going to say to him? He'll expect me to tell him how I feel back...but I dont know how I feel...

Lets just say I went to bed that night with a lot on my mind.

*FLASHBACK OVER*

It is 9am and I am now sitting in my kitchen eating a bowl of corn flakes. I am going to go over to the boys house today and try and see if Niall is there. I went the last 2 days but he wasn't there. I need to talk to him.

I still haven't got my head together about him loving me. I still don't know if I love him back.

*Ding Dong*

I got up to get the door. "umm..hey" Niall said after I opened it. "can we talk?" he kept shifting from one foot to the other. "Ya sure, I was actually just gonna head over to your house to talk to you" I said opening the door wider so Niall could come in. Niall headed straight for the couch and I sat down at the other end of it. "Im sorry" he started, "for what?" I questioned. "For just springing that on you the other night, I just.. I just couldn't help it, I couldn't keep it in any longer." He said slowly turning to face me.

"how long have you um..you know..felt this way?" i asked turning towards him too. "Since before the X-Factor" he said quietly and looking up at me. I let my jaw drop at that.... he's liked me this way for a little over 5 years!? "you've felt this way for 5 years!" I exclaimed, "why are you only telling me now?...is this why you haven't gone out with anyone since before X-Factor?". Niall blushed and looked down at his hands that held his car keys, "Im only telling you now because.. I was scared of your reaction, and I kind of still am" he explained, "Niall you dont have to be scared of my reaction" I explained, " Im just scared that now are friendship is never going to be the same because now you know how I really feel about you and I know you dont feel the same".

"Niall, us being this close.. is never going to change, even if you murdered someone I will still be right by your side no matter what". Honestly.... i didn't know if i Liked Niall that way back, Ive always thought of him as my best friend..never anything else. When I saw Niall for the first time since he left for X Factor, I felt.... something. A tingling sensation whenever he touched my hand or butterflies in my stomach when he said our usual "I love you".. but maybe I wanted something more.

"Niall.. In all honesty I dont know how I feel about you. Ive always thought of you as my best friend and now I dont know what to say, or think for that matter" once I said this I saw his heart drop, i guess he was expecting that "I love you too" but i dont know if I can say that with a different meaning yet.

"Um I have to go Ill talk to you later" Niall mumbled standing up and walking towards the door. "Niall wait!" I said running after him. He stood in the door way with his back turned to me. "Niall? Are we gonna say our usual goodbyes anymore?" i asked. He slowly turned about and i noticed his eyes were all glassy, "Erin...I'm not gonna say I love you this time" Niall paused, "because it hurts too much when I know you won't say it back". And he left.

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sorry a short chapter.. ill try update again today :)