Why me? | 1D & 5SOS |

Chapter 37

The boys are going back on tour soon. The girls all are busy with school.

Today is the 25th of March 2015. It is 8:43pm and i am re-reading for the 200th time a statement. A statement that has changed so many lives in under 4 hours.

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After five incredible years Zayn Malik has decided to leave One Direction. Niall, Harry, Liam and Louis will continue as a four-piece and look forward to the forthcoming concerts of their world tour and recording their fifth album, due to be released later this year.

Zayn says: "My life with One Direction has been more than I could ever have imagined. But, after five years, I feel like it is now the right time for me to leave the band. I'd like to apologise to the fans if I've let anyone down, but I have to do what feels right in my heart. I am leaving because I want to be a normal 22-year-old who is able to relax and have some private time out of the spotlight. I know I have four friends for life in Louis, Liam, Harry and Niall. I know they will continue to be the best band in the world."

One Direction say: "We're really sad to see Zayn go, but we totally respect his decision and send him all our love for the future. The past five years have been beyond amazing, we've gone through so much together, so we will always be friends. The four of us will now continue. We're looking forward to recording the new album and seeing all the fans on the next stage of the world tour."

Simon Cowell says: "I would like to say thank you to Zayn for everything he has done for One Direction. Since I first met Zayn in 2010, I have grown very, very fond - and immensely proud - of him. I have seen him grow in confidence and I am truly sorry to see him leave. As for One Direction, fans can rest assured that Niall, Liam, Harry and Louis are hugely excited about the future of the band."

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Even though I know the boys personally.. I am still a huge fan like any other directioner. I love them all so much. And to think that now... theres only 4. Its.... its heartbreaking.

Ive sat in my room since I got the notification from Facebook. Crying. Like nearly every other directioner on the planet right now. But whats making me mad is... I personally know these boys. One of them is my best friend. And even though I haven't seen or talked to any of them in a week, you'd think one of them could've warned me. But no. They all have to be stubborn and not tell me.

*your insecure, don't know what for, your turnin' heads when you walk through the do-*

I picked up my phone without looking who it was... not that I could see through all the tears. "Hello?" I mumbled and sniffled. "Erin? Are you ok" -speak of the devil- "ZAYN MALIK I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I TOTALLY SUPPORT YOU BUT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!?" I shouted through the phone. "Erin.." Zayn sighed, "I just.. have too, I'm so sorry. I know I'm letting people down-", "try 27 million people" i mumbled "-but i'm doing it for my family, Perrie.. but mostly me... I just cant take it anymore. I want to live like a normal 22 year old, not be in the spotlight" he explained. "Zayn you are one of my closest friends, and I totally understand. But you do realize, you are Zayn Malik...THE Zayn Malik from One direction. THE Zayn Malik who is engaged to Perrie Edwards from popular girl band 'Little mix', you're a multi millionaire.... You my friend... -and Im sorry to say this- but you are never, ever going to be normal or out of the spotlight. You do realize that right?".

I heard him let out a huge sigh, "ya..ya i do, but at least I wont be as much in it anymore.. I feel free. Before today I always felt trapped. Trapped inside a world of people who told me who I had to be and what I had to do. I just wanted to be me. Yes I love our fans, and ya I love making music and singing but I hate all the unwanted attention that comes from it, the media, the paparazzi and all the hate." I nodded understanding forgetting that he couldn't see me. " Ya I understand. " I said sadly. I am sad that Zayn felt like this for so long, but Im happy for him. Im happy that he is happy now. "We'll still keep in touch right?" I asked unsure whether him leaving the band might mean I'll never talk to him again.

"Of course babe, I could never stop talking to the love of one of my best friends lives" he chuckled. I blushed and started chewing on my lip, " so he told you?" I asked him, "no, but i could see it" he explained, " and i can see that you love him too even though you haven't realized it yet." He said. "Really?" I paused, "because before it felt like we'll always be friends but, recently Ive been wanting more" I said. "Then tell him, tell him how you feel. It'll cheer him up because he's just as upset as you are over me leaving the band on top of you saying that you might not love him back" he explained. "Ok, is he at the house?" i asked hopefully, "Ya he's upstairs in his room" he said, "Ok ill be there in a few minutes bye", "bye babe" he replied before hanging up.

I jumped off my bed and went to my bathroom and looked in the mirror. Wow.. I'm a mess. My eyes were all puffy from crying, a tissue in my nest of hair and my baggy Mickey Mouse pj's. I took the tissue out of my hair, stripped and jumped in the shower quickly. after 5 minutes I jumped out, got dressed into black leggings and a light blue and white tie dye hoodie and my white converse. I dried my hair and put on some concealer. This all took me about 15 minutes.

I jumped in my car and headed straight for the boys house. When I got there Zayn was outside smoking a cigarette. He put it out and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. "Hey babe, he's still in his room", he let go and smiled at me, " thanks" i replied. I ran up the stairs and down the hall to Niall's room. I stopped outside his door. Was I ready for this? What am I even going to say?

I slowly knocked on the door 3 times. "go away" I head a mumble through the door. "Niall it's me" I said. After a few seconds the door slowly opened and I saw a boy that looked like he was in the exact state I was in only 20 minutes ago. "Hi" He said, gesturing me to come in. "Hey...how are you?" I asked sitting down beside him on his bed. "Shit" he replied looking down at his lap. " Me too" I sighed.

There was an awkward silence for about 30 seconds. "Niall.. about the other day I-" i started, "You dont have to say anything, I know you dont love me back and you never will and thats something I'll have to live with" he said cutting me off, "No Niall, the other day I didnt know how I felt and now-", "and now you know that you'll never feel the same and you only here to let me down easy." he cut me off again. "Niall, just listen for one minute"now im getting frustrated, "No I will not listen! I have heard enough so will you please just leave?" He said standing up from the bed and gesturing to the door. "No, I need to say this-", "I dont want to hear it what part of that do you no-"

"I LOVE YOU TOO OK" I shouted, cutting him off this time. I sighed, "I love you too" and and I walked out the door.

"Erin, ERIN WAIT". I stopped and turned around facing him. He looked shocked. "do..do you really?" he stuttered. "ya..I do" I replied. He quickly walked up to me standing only a few centimeters apart. He put both his hands on my cheeks, pressed his forehead to mine and looked me right in the eyes, "can I kiss you?" He whispeared. "Please" I said before I felt his warm lips press firmly to mine.