Beautiful things - jaylor story (peace book 4)

marry me.... again

I remember that night, I remember how I admitted to myself that I had fallen hard for him but felt like I was being strung along and ended up running away. It seemed too scary to tell him how I felt because I was so scared of rejection. So much was going wrong in my life at that time, and I couldn't handle losing another thing, so I left him before he could leave me. 

"god I was so scared when you said you had left. I knew I had fallen for you, and I was so scared to lose you" he says, and I grin at him "and I was scared that it was one-sided, that you didn't feel the same way as me. It scares me sometimes thinking about what would have happened if you didn't call me and drag me back to that apartment. We wouldn't be here today; we wouldn't have found our happiness and have three beautiful children" 

He smiles at me "I think that something else would pull is together. When two people are meant to be together, and there is a golden string holding them together, they will find their way back into each others arms. We would have found eachother again" 

I've always loved the idea of fate, that some people are just meant to find one other and we are tied together with a golden string leading you to who you were destined to have in your life. That's not just a partner, but it's also friends and our children, there have been golden strings tying me to the people I have closest to my heart.

But it's especially joe. I kissed so many frogs and experienced so much hurt before I meet him. Turns out the idea I had about what love is, was just false. It was a false narrative I had built up with the bad experiences I had. Love isn't supposed to be like I experienced before him, it is something that's even hard to put into words. Love isn't supposed to be ultimatums and constant tension. Sure my relationship with joe is far from perfect, but at the end of the day both of us know that we are a team that is going to work through the hard stuff together. Even when we fight the possibility of splitting up isn't really on the table. He doesn't scream at me that if I don't do what he wants he is going to leave me. 

"it's you and me joe. That's what I need, you. You and the girls are the most important thing in my life. And you're right something would have brought us together again" 

**

We get home with the surprise we picked up, and I head the piano being played, Clair de lune, and I know exactly who it is. Ellie is playing, so I go into the music room to listen to her. She has always been so talented at playing the piano. the way her fingers dance across the keys and she plays complex sheet music is just enchanting to watch. She has a real talent for it, she has always learned fast and that's showing with this. 

She turns around to look at me and rest her fingers on the keys. There is a smile on her face, but she also seems a bit off. "That was beautiful Ellie. But are you okay?" 

She pats the spot next to her on the piano bench and I rest my hand on her small back. "i'm just thinking. And I think better when I'm just letting my fingers play something. I don't know why but I just think better when I'm doing that or dancing" she says, and I brush her hair out of her face. "What are you trying to process" 

"i'm just thinking about the future. More specifically Alex. Will we stay together? Or will it crash and burn? I'm a strong woman, I know that, and I would be okay, you have taught me how to be my own person. But it would be really said if it ended" she says, and I ask her if they are having problems "No we are fine, perfect. Which makes me scared of losing that" 

"We never know what the future might bring, if we will stay together with the people we are with or what will be waiting for us around the next corner. That's the beautiful thing and scary thing about life, not knowing what is coming next. But a wise man just told me that if two people are meant to be together, but they part, there will be a golden string pulling them back together" I tell her and kiss her forhead.