Beautiful things - jaylor story (peace book 4)

you can want who you want

-ellies pov-

We sit down on my bed, and I wait for her to talk "you... you like boys. When did you know?" she asks, and I didn't expect this to be the conversation but I'm happy to talk to her about it.

"i think I sort of knew when I was pretty young, like ten years old maybe. But I never imagined being with a girl before that either, it was never something I saw for my life. But then it solidified when I was about your age because me and my friends started to comment on boys we thought where cute at school and stuff" I tell her. I remember the first time I looked at a boy and thought about how handsome and cute he was. We never really talked, and it obviously didn't result in anything, but he was cute and that's when I knew for sure I liked boys.

"are you having crushes aurora?" I ask her and she bites her lip and look down. "My friends look at boys and say cute things, but I just... I don't see it. But now do I know what I like? I'm 12 and a half years old. You don't know stuff like that then. You're normal, you knew you liked boys. But I don't know what I like, and that's scary. And mom and dad are going to abandon me if they find out that I... I don't know. I think about kissing girls" she says, and I get a smile on my face.

"Aurora, there isn't a definitive normal or abnormal when it comes to sexuality, there is no one size fits all. Mom and dad would never judge you for either liking girls, liking boys, liking both or being unsure. You don't need to know what you like; you don't need to ever label it if you don't want too either. Kissing girls sounds exiting if that's what you want to do" I tell her and rub her back as she is crying.

Clearly this has been something she has thought about for a while, and I'm so grateful that she felt like she could come to me. We have briefly talked about it before, but not like this. It's never been a direct line of communication about her maybe liking another gender before.

There is no one recipe about who you should be attracted to. Some people might think that but they're just bullshitting. You can love you who you love, and it's a beautiful thing. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on sexuality obviously, but I don't think anyone is entitled to tell anyone what is right or wrong when it comes to which gender you should like. It's not illegal to like the same gender or both. I know that through the years people have tried to make it illegal, but thankfully they haven't succeeded in that, and now gay marriage is legal in almost every state in the United States.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?" she asks me, and I shake my head. "No because I'm not attracted to girls. For me it would be weird, because I like boys. But if you're attracted to girls that's beautiful and of course you can want to kiss them. Isn't it exiting to start to get those feelings?" I ask her with a big grin. I want to keep this positive because I think its exiting.

"it's scary. I'm really scared Ellie. What if I say it and then change my mind. Or what if I say it and everything goes wrong. I don't know what I want even though I think I might do. I don't want to label myself as... someone who doesn't like boys, but I don't want to label myself as someone that likes boys either" she says, and I wipe away her tears. "You don't need to put a label on it. It's your life and no one is entitled to tell you who you should love. You're so young and have your life to figure this out. Changing your mind isn't illegal either, love is... it can fluctuate and there is nothing wrong with that" I tell her. I hate that she is feeling like there is something wrong with her, because there isn't.

"Mom and dad, and grandma and everyone... they like you more because they know you will get married to a man and have babies. But I... I don't think I want to marry a man. I think they're gross, I don't like it. Like... it's hard to explain" she says and lay down on her back on my bed.

"Mom, dad and our family does not like me better because I love a boy. They don't care, they just want me to be happy, and the same goes for you. Mom and dad just want you to be happy aurora. And they have always said that we can love who we want, they have never used a gender when they talked to us about it because they want us to love who we want to love, they never used a gender when they talked to be before I made it crystal clear that I liked boys" I tell her. I remember how I had to specifically tell my mom that I like boys and not girls. She said that it was perfectly okay, but she wanted me to know that they don't care what gender I'm attracted to.