Escort

Chapter 73

My alarm went off but I was already awake. I just laid on Anders' chest looking at the wall.

I turned over and stopped it then turned back to Anders.

He was still asleep and even put his arm draped over my waist like he felt me leave his chest.
His eyes were lightly closed and I could hear the deep breaths he did in his rest.

"I'm in love with you." I said quietly.

"And I don't know if that's too soon to say or how you'd take it if I told you while you were conscious but I am. And it was hard coming to that conclusion but I've been in love with you for a while now and just afraid to accept it because that's when things went wrong the last time..."

I tried to keep it down as I aired out my feelings to him, just so I wouldn't wake him up.

"Whatever talent you were born with that...enabled you to so easily illustrate the way that you feel, like a poet during spring, I wasn't gifted with. I'm scared to tell you how I feel."

"I'm scared of not being enough for you."

"I'm scared of you growing tired of me and finding someone else to take my place."

"I'm scared of you leaving me after I've grown so attached to you."

"I'd like to tell you how I feel. I would. If it all goes well I don't know what I'd do...then again I don't know what I'd do if it didn't either. I'd like to articulate to you my love but I can't. And I think it's because this is the deepest one I've felt. I love you more than the first and that's what makes it scary. I miss you when you're away for more than ten minutes. I smile more just because your hand is in mine. And I feel more at peace when you're next to me. I'm not stressed. I'm not bored. I'm not disgusted. I'm not in doubt. I'm happy and I'm relaxed but then I realize I am and that it's because of you and that's when I get scared."

"You've brought so much comfort and positive change out of me in such little time that I question if you're real and not some figment of my imagination made for me to cope. My god, I'm in love with you."

"And it's made me selfish. I'd like you to be mine and me to be yours and no one else's. I can't remember the last time I noticed a man's presence unless they came and spoke to you or I. I'm infatuated. Isn't that annoying? Isn't that stressful? Insane? A bit unhealthy? Probably. But I'm not used to it being this good, I'd like to be attached to something that's helped me grow and become happier than something that may tear me apart, so then...maybe I'm doing okay."

"You very quickly became my first best friend and my first love after half a decade of losing the firsts and now I have them both in one person and that is terrifying. If I lose you, I lose them both again. Then what?"

I looked away from him.

It was time for me to get out of the bed anyway so I could pretend to wake up in Tony's.

"Then I guess that means I'm dead." I heard and looked back at Anders.

His brows were furrowed in thought.

My heart was racing.

"You're dreaming." I said quickly.
He snickered. "What?"
"Um..."

He turned over and laid on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"I have to go..." I said and began getting out of the bed.

"Alright." he accepted.
I grabbed my things.
"Let's get breakfast at 10." he instructed.
"Okay..." I left the bedroom then the door that led to the hallway.

I stood in the hallway against the door and my heart was still pounding.

I wanted to knock myself unconscious just out of fear that he'd heard everything I said.

But instead I carried on to mine and Tony's room.

I walked in and crawled in the bed quietly with fifteen minutes before his alarm would go off.

I laid facing the wall and just thinking about earlier.

I could have sworn he was asleep.

Maybe he only heard the last bit.

Maybe I'm over evaluating his wake up. It could have been a few seconds after my speech.

Right?

____________________________________

I got up a few minutes after Tony's alarm and nervously got ready to get breakfast with Anders.

I dressed in a short, long sleeve, black dress and heels.

"When you see my son, please give this to him." Tony said and handed me an envelope.
"Why don't you give it to him?" I wondered.
"You're going to go see him, aren't you?"
I froze staring at him.
"Candace, I'm old, not blind. I know you two are together."
"...We're not together."
"You're a poor liar. Here you are." He placed the envelope on the counter. "I have a conference to attend this morning so I won't see the two of you for some time."
"Okay..."

He turned around and grabbed his bag after throwing on his suit jacket.

"And Candace?" he called me.
"Yes?"
"Don't break my son's heart."
"Will you tell him not to break mine?" I wondered.
"I would if it was possible."
He left the room.

I stood there thinking about the last sentence he said before leaving.

My phone vibrated.
I checked it.

Anders: "Where are you?"
"I'm coming, sorry." I replied.

I grabbed my purse and the envelope then headed downstairs.

***

I found Anders in the lobby and we hopped in the car for him to take us to the restaurant he chose.

"This is from your father." I stated and put the envelope in the cup holder.
He glanced down. "What is it?"
"I'm not sure. He didn't tell me."
"Hm..."

A part of me wanted to ask about this morning but the other part of me was too afraid.
I stayed quiet.