Escort

Chapter 52

I'd finished getting ready for bed and Anders was downstairs and working on his presentation before he would get ready as well.

I figured now was as good a time as any to give my grandmother a call.

"Hello?" she answered.
"Hi, grandma." I greeted.
"Hi, my sweet girl, it's a bit late. Are you okay?"
"Yea, I'm okay. I'm sorry, I just had a question for you."
"Well go ahead."

"Well...as you know...I don't know my mother that well." I began.
"Right..."
"So I was wondering...if maybe...you could tell me some things about her. Maybe I'd feel a bit closer to her. Just some personality things. Her likes and dislikes."
"Oh, wow...um...let me think..."

I sat on the bed to listen for when she got ready.

"Well...your mother was a talented woman. Played any instrument she could get her hands on. Loved to outdo people however she could. She didn't go looking for battles but she was competitive when she was placed in one. She was flashy. Loved luxury. Nice things. Jewelry. Clothes. She was also very antisocial. She didn't have many friends. I can think of one or two. She stayed in the house all the time and never went out. She had a goal to be by herself all throughout life and I told her that wasn't healthy. Whether it be friends or a lover, you gotta have some other relationships in your life or else you'll go mad. She rarely ever did relationships. She had a fear of intimacy. Not just physical but emotional. She used to hate feeling exposed. Whether it be talking about her feelings, being naked, or letting someone in at all, she hated the idea. Thought it was terrifying."

I just stared at the wall with my phone pressed against my ear as I paid attention.

"Your father came along and I just assumed he'd somehow gotten her to change her mind. I would've changed mine too if we're being honest, such a handsome man."
"Grandma!" I laughed.
"It's true! She knew it too! He came along and made her laugh, she would be out on the town with him every weekend. Three years later he's proposing and I didn't expect her to say yes but she did it with a smile on her face and practically jumped to the moon. She loved being married to the love of her life. It was the best thing she could have asked for. But then she got pregnant. Your daddy was ecstatic but your mother? Didn't smile once while I received the news. But your father waited on her hand and foot throughout the entire pregnancy. Whatever she needed or wanted, she got. They had that baby and I think your mother realized she wasn't terribly against it. It wasn't expected. But she didn't hate it."

I don't think I like where this is going.

"Couple of years fly by...she asks me to go with her and your father to a doctor's appointment. She wanted to take a real test. We go and find out she's pregnant again. Your dad is making all the calls with a large smile on his face. Eager to meet his second child. Your mother had nothing but terror in her eyes. Nine months later she gave birth to Casey. They'd show up at my doorstep with Casey swaddled and Cameron holding onto your father's hand. My daughter never talked about wanting children. When she met your father she knew she wanted to be with him. Knew she wanted to marry him. But kids? They were never on the agenda. Few more years go by. She calls me, angry, telling me she's pregnant with her third child. Carried that child all the way through and once she was born I stopped seeing your mother with the three of you. If you came to my house, your chaperone was your father. He had you in his arms and Casey and Cameron were hand in hand but his smile never faded because he loved his three children and couldn't ask for anything better."

I looked at the floor.

"I don't know why your mother turned out the way she did. I know she regrets it. She separated herself from your father. The man she and everyone else was certain was the love of her life. Maybe she just wasn't ready to be a mother just yet. But regardless of the future you hope for, I can't imagine not wanting to be in your children's lives. They're your babies. Your grandfather practically had to pull me away from her when we dropped her off on a college campus, mothers and their children should have a bond like no other. That there was a personality flaw. I don't know what taught her to make those kinds of decisions and I don't know where I went wrong but that's the way she chose to live. And your father was a champ for handling it all. I tried making it up to you. I showed up to every recital, play, competition I could, but it doesn't cover a mother's abandonment."

"Yea..." I agreed quietly.

"Candace, I want you to listen to me, okay?" she stated.
"Yes, ma'am."
"Nothing about your mother's absence has anything to do with you. None of it. Not a bit. That's on her. She made that terrible decision. She'll live with the consequences. But you are not at fault. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good. Now then. Is that all?"
"I think so. Thank you."
"Of course, honey. Have a good night."
"You too."

We hung up.

I stood up and went to find my recent source of joy besides fruity drinks and shopping.

I walked down the stairs and headed towards his office.

When I got there, I could hear talking through the door.

"David, don't fuck with me on this, man, this is serious."
"I am taking it very seriously." David replied monotonously and it made me snicker quietly.
"So...what do I do?"
"I think you've done all you can do."
"But-..."
"All that's left is for her to figure out her feelings on her own. If you do too much, you'll be taking away from yourself. How would you feel if you find out that energy was wasted?"
"Shitty..."
"Exactly. And I do not want you to feel...uh..."
"Shitty." Anders repeated and I kept my laugh quiet.
"Right. That doesn't mean you treat the girl like trash off of the street. You treat her like you're still trying to gain her love. But don't treat her like you'll do anything to get it, do you understand?"
"I think so..."

"Don't pour too much and you don't know if the feelings are reciprocated. It'll hurt you. Think about you both. Not just her. You also don't want to suffocate her. Give her space to think."
"Right..."
"I'm glad you've found someone you're interested in." said David.
"Yea, but it's weird..."
"Weird how?"
"David, I've been with a lot of women. But I've never been desperate for their presence or touch. Or to hear them speak. Or to make them happy. Sure I've wanted it but...if I go too long without hers specifically, I feel like I'm failing and I'm like a drug fiend with no crack."
I heard David snort a laugh.
"I'm serious, man! This is weird! I'm not used to this but I don't want to throw it away. She's making my heart race. I'm not used to it but I like it. I really like it. I like it a lot. Its like I'm feeling an adrenaline rush. It's what I think I've always wanted."
"That's good to hear."

I stood there after what I heard as they kept speaking. How come he got to enjoy it but I had to be afraid of it?

I began walking away from the door to pace in thought.

I want to have that same feeling he has. I want to not be afraid and to just run with it. To be happy I have it because I know a lot of people wish they had the same experience I was going through right now. I wanted to be like my father in the story. To be excited and eager for everything that was coming my way. I didn't want to stress like my mother and let it consume me.

I heard the door open and looked towards it.

The men were still talking as they walked out of the office.

I caught their attention and they stopped.

"Hi." Anders greeted.
"Hi." I replied.