Beautiful things - jaylor story (peace book 4)

its time to talk

"First of all, Ellie. You live in a house with four other people, two of them are younger than you. You need to lock your door because we don't want them to see that. It's about respect" I tell her. We can't keep her from having sex, but she needs to remember that she isn't the only person living in this house. 

"Then there has been one thing after another with you recently. First the drinking, then the std and the snarky coments and backtalk. That's not okay. I know that you've been through a lot, and you just got shot, but you can't keep acting this way. Being through hard stuff doesn't make that okay" I tell her sternly. She has been mildly acting out, but we have given her a free pass about it. Clearly our approach isn't working with her. We may have been giving her free passes when she breaks down in tears, but that's not working and not fair on any of us. 

"Why do you keep doing these things? Is there something you're not telling us? Is it... is it hard for you that we have had to give so much attention to kenzie and aurora? Is that what It is. Do you feel like we don't see you?" I ask her and she is in tears. I have been wondering if she is doing those things to antagonize us without explicitly telling us that she needs our attention. It's probably a hard adjustment going from being the center of attention to having to share it. 

"I... I don't mind that you're spending more time with aurora and kenzie, actually the opposite. Finally I get some freedom, and don't take that the wrong way. I just need some time to grow and figure things out, which is really hard when you two are hanging over my shoulder and going after every little thing I do. I love that you're protective, but I feel like you take it too far sometimes" she tells us. 

I let her get it off her chest before I come with a response "then why do you keep doing things like this then. The throwing the fact that you're sexually active in our faces, snarky coments, std and drinking" I ask her. I don't understand how she can say she doesn't want attention when she keeps doing stuff like this. "it's hard to explain, and I feel bad about the things I've done. But... it was drastic to go from having you two hovering over me to having more freedom. So I probably went a bit out of control because I didn't know how to balance it all" 

Even though its hard I get where she is coming from. It can't be easy being here and going between those two things so quickly. "I love the new freedom I have because I truly need it. Sometimes I feel like you still see me like the six-year-old girl that was kidnapped, and not for the person I'm becoming. After I started high school things changed for me. It's been a slow progression, but I've grown a lot in different ways. I have more friends than I've ever had, I stood up for myself with Rebecca, I have a boyfriend, and I even showed Rebecca kindness when I have all the reasons in the world to not do it" 

It's true, she has changed a lot, but in a good way. But as a parent it's hard to let go of the hovering over your child as they grow up, especially with a child that's been through so much pain. Ellie has been through more pain than anyone should have to face, but she is still standing. 

"I know that you've made a lot of progress Elliana. It's just hard for us to accept and let you figure things out because we don't want you to get hurt. We never want you to get hurt" I tell her, and she is wiping away her tears. "I love that you're protective, but I need to make mistakes to know what's right. If I never make a mistake, how will I ever know what's the right thing to do. Both of you have made plenty of mistakes in your life, it makes you grow as a person" she says. I wish we could skip past that part of growing up, the part where she makes mistakes because we don't want that to hurt her and set her back. 

"And I'm sorry that I've been sort of passive aggressive at some points. I'm sorry about the drinking and the unprotected sex, as well as the snarky coments. It's not like me and I know that I've learned from those mistakes. But I'm also happier than ever and I don't want you to forget all the good things I'm doing because you keep looking at the bad things. In my eyes the good things outweigh the bad things as that's the things I will take with me and build me as a person" she says, and I try to see her point of view. "And for the record, I don't feel like I did anything wrong today. I had sex, which I know neither of you like, but I had it. But I did it when I knew you weren't going to be home, you were supposed to be away longer. But I do understand that I should still lock my door"