Beautiful things - jaylor story (peace book 4)

bad communication

"well I think looking at hats is an excellent idea so your head doesn't get cold" Joe says and Kenzie agrees about that. "but I actually got you one too, just in case you felt cold because you said that yesterday" he says and pull a pink knitted hat out of his pocket and give it to her. She puts it on right away. "it looks cute on you" I say.

After a while the doctor and the whole team comes in to round on Kenzie. They say what the plan for the day is and that we are waiting for the results of the blood tests to see how she is doing but they are starting the chemo for the day in a few minutes after they are done rounding.

**

"hi i'm here to hock you up to the chemo Kenzie if that's okay?" The nurse says and come into the room "but I have an important task for you first. What sticker do you want on your bag today" she asks and Kenzie looks at the options. They let her pick a sticker each time they put up a new iv bag and this time she picked a princess sticker. Its just one of the little things the ward does for the kids to keep their spirits up. I also make sure to document it in a notebook for her to look back on when she is older just like I did for aurora when she was in the NICU.

The chemo, fluids and feeds get hocked up to her and now it's just about waiting for it to enter her body. They say that today the chemo itself will take around 6 hours, so we have lots of time ahead of us.

"Can I go out of this room" kenzie asks the nurse who nods "yes, you have to take this big pole with you so maybe your mom or dad can push it and then one of them can push you in the wheelchair if you don't feel like walking, or you can walk" the nurse says. They do encourage the patients to get out of bed and out of the room every once in a while, so they get their bodies moving and get some exercise. If they lay in bed all day every day, they are at higher risk of blood clots and their muscles get weaker which can be a problem later on, not to mention their lung function.

She decides she wants to walk so joe pushes the heavy big pole with several pumps and bags of different things on it as well as her name on a tag written in glitter to mark that it's her pole. I'm holding her hand and we decide to walk around the unit. It's a big and nice unit that's recently renovated and have a lot of rooms. Kids of all ages are here, and the doctors are incredible. They approach the individual child as a team to take care of all of their needs both mental and physical.

The fact that this is our life now is hard to grasp. We went from having a healthy ten-year-old to having one of with the highest stage of this cancer type and that's scary. Not only that but we have two other children at home that needs their parents too, especially aurora who has the sexual assault trial in a month. And I know that joe needs me too, but I don't know how to be there for everyone when I don't think I'm taking care of myself either. I'm directing all my attention to kenzie since she is the one in the hospital, and that's probably not fair on everyone else but I don't know what else to do right now.

She doesn't walk long, but we do take one round around the unit before going back to her room. "i'm tired" she whines, and I help her safely get back in bed and she falls asleep quickly.

Just as I'm about to sit down on a chair joe takes my hand and lead me into the bathroom and shut the door "what are you doing?" I ask and furrow my eyebrows. "well, it's impossible to get time to talk to you these days so now I'm pulling you into a bathroom to talk" he says as a matter of fact and I'm annoyed.

"You are not taking care of yourself Taylor, and I'm worried. We are only a week into the cancer stuff and you're neglecting your own needs. You're here 24 hours a day, you hardly eat, and you hardly sleep. Not to mention that you have two other girls at home that needs their mom's attention and a husband who needs you" he says and his voice cracks.