Beautiful things - jaylor story (peace book 4)

tell me the truth

"Are you... are you mad at me" I whimper, and she pulls away and cups my head "sweetie this is not your fault. Why would you think that?" she says and brush away my tears. "Because if I wasn't difficult, we would have gotten to the car sooner and then we wouldn't be at that place when that car got there and then dad wouldn't be here. Are you going to blame me if he dies? Because it's my fau---" I go on a rant, but my mom holds a finger to my lip stopping me. 

Gently she grabs my hand and leads me over to the window seat and set me down in her lap "I haven't told you this yet. Because I didn't want to worry you, and don't tell your sisters. But the police called me earlier and chances are this wasn't an accident. The man driving the car was someone who visited Adam a lot. That's all I know for now but that's the truth. And I could never be mad at you for struggling by the way Ellie. You struggling is not and never will be an inconvenience. As your mom it's my job to take care of you and comfort you, none of this is your fault" she tells me, and I wrap my arms around her neck, and she holds tightly around my waist but not too tightly as I'm pretty bruised. 

"Why... why didn't you tell me when you found out?" I am angry if she kept this from me. I have a right to know if it's about him. "I found out a few hours ago while you were sleeping.  there wasn't a chance to tell you before now. And i will tell you when I know anything more because the police want to talk to both of us because of the history we have with him. We don't know if it was planned by him, I honestly don't know much for sure. Put they suspect that it wasn't an accident" 

It takes a minute for me to take this in. What if Adam did this because he didn't get his way at the parole board. What if this is his revenge? What if he wanted to kill us so we couldn't stand up and speak against him again? Or what if he wanted to punish us for not letting him keep us down in the basement. There are so many what ifs and I feel like I'm drowning. If I was just a good little girl and did what he said maybe my dad would be okay?

"Mom is this my fault. Because... because I said to not let him out? What if I just was a good girl and did what Adam wanted, maybe he would leave dad alone" I say, and she shakes her head "No sweetie. You are a good girl, what Adam wants isn't right. Just because he wants it doesn't mean it's the right thing. We spoke our truth and did the right thing. He is in the wrong here, not you" she tells me and kiss my cheek. 

"don't lie to me mom. How is dad really doing? I'm not the same as aurora and kenzie. I lost my innocence a long time ago and I can take it. Tell me how he really is" I ask her and look her straight in the eye to see if she tries to lie to me. I get that she wants to sugarcoat things for the other two, but I'm not like them and have never been like them. Ever since the kidnapping I haven't had the same blissful innocence I had before. Before then I didn't know that type of pain and hadn't been in a situation where I constantly though it was going to die and also wanted to die. When you go through something like I did you lose that piece of yourself. I know the dark side of the world in a way the other two don't, I've seen the dark side with my own eyes and felt it on my body. 

"it's bad Ellie. But I will tell you what I know. When you have that type of brain injury there is a 50-90% chance that you don't make it. Surgery did go well but it's a waiting game now. The longer we go without his brain swelling is a good sign because the brain swelling is in most cases fatal. I don't know his odds at this exact moment, but they said something about 20-30% chance of survival, I think. But the numbers are only a guideline. They can't tell us what's going to happen because neuro medicine isn't cut and dry. The brain is complex and even though we know a lot about it there is still a lot we don't know. And it hasn't been that long since the accident so things could turn for the worse. We don't know. The bleeding in his stomach isn't too bad right now, but they are watching it closely and they might need to operate. They did call me earlier and said he has broken ribs too that they overlooked, and they already told me he has a broken leg" she tells me everything she knows.